Break ups & Closure

[Bluebird96]

Leaving a relationship in a vulnerable state and having your ex partner last memory of you as needy and emotional. 

How do you reconcile this and get closure?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Bluebird96,

Welcome to BeyondBlue and thanks for reaching out to us.

This is a great question, but also a tricky one because I think closure means different things for different people.  For many of us, closure means one-on-one conversations, finding out what went wrong and where the problem was. For others, closure might just mean 'moving forwards' and getting on with their lives, in whatever way it looks like to them.  There is no right way and wrong way of closure; it's just about what feels good to you and what you feel you need.

So, what does closure look like for you?  Maybe it might help to take a moment to think about what it looks like, and then from there you (or we) can work out how to best achieve it.

I hope this helps a little.

Take care,

[Narniakid]

Hey Bluebird96, thanks for sharing with us.

As romantic_thi3f has said, it is a tricky question and the coping strategies you use are different for everyone, as we all handle things differently. I do think a one-on-one conversation about where you both stand and where to go from here is necessary. I also encourage you to take some time into perhaps focusing on other aspects of your life; family, friends, career, hobbies, fitness etc. When one door closes another one opens!

Crystal

[XYZ123]

Hi Bluebird96, 

Ending a relationship is obviously hard at the best of times. In my limited experience, I found that it helped me to write letters to my ex partner about how I was feelings (you can choose whether you actually send them or not: in my case, I only sent one letter months down the track). I think just putting my feelings down on paper helped me get things off my chest a little bit. 

In my case, I sent 1 letter via email to my ex about 5 months after we had split up. Essentially I told him that the letter was as much for my benefit as it was for his. I told him that I was going through a rough time after we broke up but that being emotional/lonely/needy was probably a testament to how much fun we had together. I told him exactly how I felt but didn't insist that he reciprocate his feelings if he didn't want to. I thanked him for the good times. Lastly, I told him that I hope he knows that he could call/text/meet up whenever if he ever wanted/needed a friend. In hindsight, I don't know if this helped or hindered the situation but at the very least this forced us to be very clear about where we stood going forward. 

Every situation is different and this might not be a solution for you but hopefully it helps. Hopefully it gets easier for you soon. Keeping yourself busy too might also help to take your mind off things if you can.