Body Image?

[Elseweyr]

My whole life, I've been overweight/obese. I've also been diagnosed with depression, and though I'm trying to deal with it, lately my mood has been just insufferable.

I have lost 20kg over two years, but now I'm not losing anything and it's really getting me down. I hate myself. I've tried so hard this past month but nothing has changed and the number on the scale is still the same. I feel alone, so alone... But I don't want anyone to see me because of how fat I am and I can't help but isolate myself further from everyone in my life and I don't know where to turn.

My friends get crushes and guys all the time while I sit here, and I can't help but feel pain and jealousy every time I see a godammn happy couple pass me and I wish I didn't have so much hate in me, but I resent everyone who is thinner than me because feel like the world is trying to rub in my face what I can't have. I've cried for almost 48 hours straight because I don't know what to do.

I'm on the verge of wanting to starve myself, even though I'm aware that its not the answer, I'm desperate. Please, someone, give me some advice.

Thank you...

[BballJ]

Hi Elseweyr,

Firstly, Welcome to the forums, it takes a lot of courage to post your story here, so well done for that.

I too have been overweight most of my life, i have never been able to lose 20 kgs so that is one amazing achievement so please be proud of that, that is no small feat. I have lost weight before and been at that point where the scale doesn't move even though i feel like i have done the right thing eating and working out. It kicks you a little bit but i hope it hasn't stopped your progress. Just out of curiosity, were you seeing a personal trainer and/or nutritionist? If not, that may be the next step to get you where you feel you need to be.

Are you seeing a psychologist as well to help with the depression?

Our self esteem and appearance are huge contributors to depression in our society especially in women... i've had female family members in the past deal with anorexia, bulimia etc so i've been around it and it 100% is not the answer to your situation... and i can already tell you are a strong person because one you have posted here and two, you know starving yourself is not the answer. Please keep you head up and stay strong you will get through this.

I apologise my advice hasn't been great, I am not the most experienced on this particular subject, i am hoping someone who is, will give you better advice or information, I am just trying to let you know, you are not alone in this and you have come to the right place for support, you are worth it always remind yourself that.

My best for you.

Jay

[Jeb_CC]

@Elseweyr: Like Jay said, it's good that you've vented your own story. One step closer to solving problems!

I want to ask and know if that's alright, do you know for sure you are overweight? I ask because I know people who shout to the heavens of how overweight they are and they're only 60kg's, and look just fine - friends, sister, etc. Some people think they're overweight because they can pinch a bit of flesh on their stomach - but that's normal and shouldn't be worried about.

Like Jay said though, have you seen a dietitian? They can help organize a diet for you that would work so you DON'T have to starve yourself. Starving yourself will just lead to other complications.

I know how you feel, kind of. In a weird way. I'm severely underweight and I can't GAIN weight, like you can't seem to lose it. I get judged and called a 'stick' but it's so incredibly hard to gain weight. If I sit on somebody's lap, they almost throw me off because my bones are digging into their legs. Clinically that makes me anorexic, even though I don't starve myself or anything, and I don't look like a complete skeleton like everyone would assume I look to be. So I get you, in a way. And know that you're not alone in the situation, there are plenty of other people who suffer the same way. I don't want you to take this as; "Look what I have and you don't" because what I have is the same thing as what you have. 'Underweights' get just as judged as 'overweights' do.

I have two overweight friends and they have loving relationships, so don't think your weight is making you lonely. And despite my anorexia, I've been in a few relationship too. So if you're kicking yourself over the fact you're single, know it's not because of your weight. You're not lonely because you're overweight, trust me on that one.

I'm not very good at being supportive and I hope what I've said hasn't offended you in any way.

[GracieG]

Hi Elseweyr,

First off, like the other replies have said, congratulations on being brave enough to post here. It can be really difficult to share what you're going through and reach out for help, so you should really be proud of yourself for being brave enough to share.

In regards to your weight:

Firstly, don't let it define you! You're so much more than your appearance, and you can't let the way you think you look determine how you value yourself. If you're struggling with this, maybe write a list of all the things you love about yourself, or all the things others appreciate about you, that don't have anything to do with appearance. These could be things like humour, generosity, determination (which you clearly have considering you lost 20kg! Great job!), or anything else that makes you who you are!

Also, like others have said, maybe consider joining a gym or getting a personal trainer. This can really help with motivation and ensure you get to where you want to be in a healthy way. Like you said, starvation is certainly not the answer, and perhaps having people to motivate you to lose weight in a healthy way will help your self esteem and overall wellbeing.

finally, it might be a good idea to see a psychologist or psychiatrist with regards to your depression, if you're not doing so already. I know it can be hard at first, but professionals can really help you understand yourself and your feelings better and help you figure out ways to control your emotions and be the happiest you can be.

I hope my advice has helped a bit!

stay positive, Gracie 🙂

[Just Sara]

Greetings and welcome to our forum Elseweyr;

The sadness and frustration you describe sounds very disheartening. Crying is a good way of venting all the pent up feelings you have, it isn't a bad thing altogether.

From what you've said, it seems life isn't very pleasant or fulfilling; negativity can be like a snowball collecting more and more stuff as it speeds along. Recognising what belongs to you, and what belongs to (how you perceive) others may need to be separated.

The scales not moving is a simple matter of the body's need to re-evaluate and adjust. In weight loss terms, this is called a plateau. It can take a while for the body to re-boot and begin to shed fat again, so don't worry ok? Keep up the good work and try to be patient.

Homoeostasis starts in the brain and then to the rest of the body. This is the process of health and will need to re-adjust like the body. It's a complex system of hormones from glands like the thyroid (throat) and hypothalamus (in the brain) that work with each other to fight disease and keep you healthy. While this happens, your brain chemicals may cause some unpleasant emotions and feelings. Your muscles and organs, including your skin and hair for instance, are also adjusting. You might experience acne or dry hair/nails or issues with your period.

Muscle weighs more than fat, so if you've been working out, no weight loss may mean you've got more muscle mass and less fat. This is great if it's the case, as more muscle means better metabolism.

Losing weight over the long haul will mean every now and then, you'll hit a plateau and experience similar conditions. Don't lose faith darl, it's part of the process and many, many people stop at this stage due to apathy. So try not to worry ok? It just means your body is adjusting - it's a good sign!

With your moods and emotions, please talk to your GP about how to cope better until this stage passes. They may be able to refer you to a psychologist or counsellor.

Image is more than what your body looks like. It includes how you carry yourself when you walk, your facial expressions, the clothes you choose and above all...your smile! Some of the most beautiful women can be ugly the moment they open their mouths; a smile and nice words speaks volumes.

So be proud of your efforts so far and look forward to each successful kilo lost in the future. It's a long slow journey, not a sprint!

I'm here if you need me my sweet..keep up the good fight...Dizzy x