Birthday blues

[Anne93]

My birthday is coming up tomorrow and all of a sudden it's hit me that it's another year I will celebrate only with family. I love my family but seeing old friends from high school/Uni, colleagues and family posting photos of their celebrations just drains me. I had a big falling out with my friends from high school in year 12 which led to me putting everything into a close friendship at uni that turned out to be toxic. Now, almost two years out of uni I still find myself lonely. I've done the Internet searches that tell me to join groups but I've been in community groups and found everyone already in cliques. There is a lovely group of girls I work with who I'd love to socialise with but they just seem happy to be in their own bubble outside of work and any hints I have dropped just get ignored (I can't be upfront because my anxiety makes me terrified of rejection). I've found myself not wanting to tune out of work mode because my work relationships are my only relationships. I don't want to have a birthday because I don't want the world to see how pathetic my lack of celebration will be. I've been lying around in tears because I can't stop tomorrow from happening.

[Narniakid]

Hey there Anne93, thank you for finding the courage to post here 🙂

I am sorry that you're feeling this way about your birthday. I can totally hear where you're coming from - I'm a twin, and often I dread my birthday too because it's all about the novelty of sharing a birthday with my sister rather than a personal celebration, if that makes sense. I never did anything exciting for my 18th or for any birthdays, really, and I totally understand you when you say you feel down seeing people online post photos of their celebrations.

I do think friends can be overrated, but I also think that the right friends come along at the right time. It's really hard to deal with when you're eager to have a friend, I know, but if you practice being independent and focusing on whatever personal or career goals you may have, people will be drawn to your inspiration and drive and attitude.

As for the girls at work - what's the worst that could happen, realistically? I encourage you to ask them for a coffee date or something like that. Perhaps make a Facebook chat group and add them all and you could ask them for places they might like to go.

Crystal

[Reaperbird]

Happy belated birthday!

I can relate a lot to this post, I'm also in a no-friends moment in my life and special occasions like birthdays can be very stressful. It brings back all the thoughts of isolation and grief, and can feel very lonely.

But one things that sometimes helps is that if other people won't celebrate with you, then celebrate it for yourself. Treat yourself, relax, have fun. I mean it is your birthday, so might as well enjoy it right?

I know last year I was on my own. No friends, no family, just me. I was upset at first but then decided if I wanted a good birthday then why should I let being alone stop me?
So I decorated the house, cooked up my favourite foods, watched my fave movies, and just flaked out all day. And despite being alone, I actually had fun. I even took photos of the food I made to post online.

I guess my point is that you still deserve to feel happy, even if you don't have many people around you. There's nothing wrong with being alone, and with time, you'll meet people who you can enjoy time with.

Anyway, I hope your birthday turned out okay, and if not, well there's always more in the future to celebrate!