Beyond broken

[JupiterDrops]

Hi everyone,

Well I'm here because I need to share my story as I feel its the only way for me to find out who I am now. Ok so here goes....

I am a 23 year old woman and I am at a extreme low point in my life. I have been through alot in my 23 years and i am a strong girl however now i am completely broken. I got into a relationship when i was 21 with a guy i totally fell in love with, the relationship has now ended and i am totally traumatised by it due to the fact it was an EMOTIONAL HELL! I changed and sacrificed mylife for this person and got nothing back. I am now in such a low place that my days are filled with sleeping, waking up, sitting in bed and doing nothing. I am a psychology graduate and i know what depression is and what it does but it does not make it easier, if anything it makes it worse because i am so ashamed that i have let myself get to this point. I have been to my doctors, i am going to speak to someone and i am on medication, i have an amazing family the only problem right now is myself. I cant seem to pull myself up . It is as if my body has just said no this is enough i am not doing this any more i have been through to much. I used to be a fun loving happy girl and now i am a fake happy girl totally destroyed.

Anyway....that is the basics about me....there is alot more i can tell you but i don't want to bombard you all. Basically i am fed up of this and just need to talk to people who i can relate to. I hope you guys can help and i hope i can return that. 

[Neil_1]

Dear Jupiter Drops

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for being able to come and here and post a little bit of your story about what’s happening to you.  But firstly I’d like to say that when you mentioned, I hope that I can return any help as well, that is such a lovely thing for you to write – even when you’re in such dire circumstances yourself.  That speaks volumes to me of what a lovely person and personality that you have.  You may not feel like it at the moment, but unbeknowst to you, it shone through in your post.

The traumas of broken relationships are so awful and incredibly difficult to get over and move on and one that you described as being in emotional hell will really scar your inner being, your mind, so no wonder it’s absolutely knocked you down so badly. 

I’m sorry, I don’t know much (or basically anything about Uni’s or degrees, etc) but you’ve said that you’re a psychology graduate – does that mean that you’re finished with the study and would/could be able to work now?   And have you worked recently?

That is so pleasing to read that you’ve already sought out doctor’s appointments, and you’ve mentioned that you’re going to be speaking to someone soon (I assume that is a counsellor or a psyche?) – and also your doctor has got you on medication.  How long ago was that?  

Having studied all this, I guess you would know that the benefits of such medications don’t kick in straight away, they can take anywhere between four and six weeks to have effect.

Also very pleasing that you’ve mentioned that you’ve got an amazing family – hold on to them and if you can, or when you can, do visit them and be with them – a lot of people can’t say the same thing as what you’ve said, so it’s very very good that you’ve got a supportive family.

It’s interesting to read that you consider yourself a fake happy girl at the present time – so there’s a glimpse there of something trying to shine through.

I’ll send this off now and hope that you can get back to us when you feel able too.

Kind regards

Neil

[JupiterDrops]

Hi Neil,

Thank you for your reply and kind words

I have finished my studies and i am hopefully returning to further them next year. I have alot of goals and opportunists coming my way but because i am in this fog i can't seem to get excited about them because of my current mind set

My job ended in March and since then i have had 2 jobs that i have had to leave because of this depression and right now my family do not want me to work until i feel better.

I was put on my medication 2 weeks ago and i've to see a counsellor in May.

I am so lucky to have my family i know this:)

I am just so ready to get better. I have a lot of things to sort out in my head and just now they are dragging me down. I find myself not leaving the house or anything at the moment. I want to reach out to my friends but because of my past relationship they have grown cold too me. 

Anyway, 

I hope you are well today:)

[callan_john]

Hi Jupiter Drops, I am new to this forum, but I hope I can still offer support where I can.

I too have felt the physical effects of depression can have on you, and it's hard to pin down sometimes how we can turn the corner. As you mentioned, you study the mind, and although you have the awareness of what it is you are challenged with day to day, it can prove difficult to implement the changes you know you need to get better.

i sometimes feel like I have shackles on my feet, impeding my movement. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is you will get through it, and counselling and treatment is a step in the right direction. You will notice a lift in energy gradually as you feel better. 

Take care

[Neil_1]

Hi Jupiter Drops (by the way, interesting name you’ve got there!:)

That IS pleasing to hear that you’ve got a lot of goals set for yourself – no doubt for your future and where you’d like to end up, in a professional working sense/environment.

That is not so good though, that your depression is at a level that is affecting you so much that you are unable to work – because if you do feel that you are able to cope with doing some kind of work activity, that “can” be helpful to you.  It firstly gets you out of your home and out of your comfort zone – and while work can be daunting and challenging, it can also offer opportunities to give you outlets where you might be able to complete things and give you a sense of achievement/accomplishment.

 I hope that your counselling session in May is in early May, so it can be something you go to, and discuss lots of issues that you’ve got.  If it’s your first visit, perhaps you might wish to write down some dot points for issues that you’d like to discuss – that way, if you perhaps forget something, you’ll have the piece of paper as a memory jogger.  Perhaps even discuss with your counsellor about thoughts for potentially trying to ease back into the workforce?

Again, I hope my post has been of use to you and would also really like to keep hearing from you.

Kind regards

Neil