Awkwardness

[Aak]

Two years ago I was very outgoing, the fun bubbly young girl that would always be classified as the clown of the group as I would say random stuff and make my friends burst out with laughter, just very carefree and natural. After my sisters passing I just feel very serious, when someones talking I feel like I need to agree with what they've said but not even acknowledging what they are saying. When I am having a conversation I have to think about what to say before the other person stops talking, its an exhausting battle for me. I sometimes feel like I don't want to interact with any humans as that would make me conversate and that would need a lot of effort. I feel like if I am myself then the person in front won't like me. I also cant keep eye contact with someone it feels awkward and I start laughing. I really wish I wasn't like this.

Can anybody give advice PLEASE?? this is ruining my life.

[white knight]

Hi Aak, welcome

It seems youve lost some confidence. Thats not unusual.

However the golden rule is diagnosis and that begins with your GP. Pop along and have a chat.

A sibling passing can effect us greatly. My bother died when I was 24yo.

So I know how you feel.

Post anytime.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello Aak, I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your sister and this is affecting everything that you do at the moment, you can't try and pretend, this does make you feel exhausted, it's too much, and if you want to tell us about your sister then we are more than happy to listen, but only if you feel as though this is what you want, I know it will be difficult for you.
The laughing that you sdo is a reflux action, perhaps let me explain a little more, some people laugh at very sad news by a quote that says 'that strong negative feelings may provoke positive expressions', and ' means to build resilience in the face of potential trauma' this certainly doesn't mean they are sad or upset.
It's a reaction to how you want to cope, it doesn't indicate your pleasure, I know I have done it,and it does feel awkward, but please don't blame yourself, it's a feeling to control your emotions or it's a defence mechanism.
There's a book by Charles Duhigg 2012 called The Power of Habit which discuss's this issue if you want to google it.
Hope to hear back from you. Geoff.

[swtpotato]

Hi Aak,

I am so sorry about your sister. I have been in a similar place after my dad died from cancer 2 years ago, I couldn't talk to anyone anymore and my confidence imploded basically. Having a good psychologist can help soo much, so I urge you to go to your GP to get a mental health care plan.

I am sorry if my own experiences are irrlevant to you, but I think letting you know how I dealt with things may help and reassure you.

After going to therapy for a while I realised that a lot of my social anxiety came from not accepting my own strong negative emotions, which I pushed down inside of me in order to get on and enjoy life. It also came from thinking that I was abnormal for having this reaction, or for feeling socially anxious/depressed.

So the best things were

- Talking about my dad inside and outside therapy - positive and negative memories. Writing letters. Letting myself be painfully sad about it. Accepting that grief has no timeline and that this event changed my life and that is ok.

- Talking about social anxiety in order to validate my experience of it (saying to my friends, I don't like talking to (certain people) cause I feel too self-conscious, or telling jokes about being awkward, or being like I'll go to (whatever event) but I might be weird I've been feeling off lately etc) Though my friends may not have experienced full on social anxiety, they have definitely felt awkward, self-conscious, anxious - even the most confident seeming people. What you are feeling is very understandable, and people can usually accept more about us than we think.

- Spending quality time by myself (meditation, drawing, walks, journalling, writing - just getting to know who I am and what my values are)

- The book: overcoming social anxiety and shyness. gillian butler. I highly recommend this.

Finally - letting go of shame. You have a right to feel this way. It is not your fault.

Hope this helps,

Em

[Aak]

Thank you very much for your words, Geoff. It is nice to know that there are people out their that care enough to listen. 🙂

I will get my GP to refer me to a psychologist, fingers crossed it will help.

[geoff]

hi Aak, thanks for getting back to us, and would really like to know how you get on. Geoff.