Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

[My-life-is-a-constant-Mess]

Hi everyone
To be honest i'm not sure what the point of this post is, maybe to vent?

I suffer from severe GAD, Hypochondria & possible OCD and have done so for about a year, it was slowly getting worse and I was convinced I was dying all the time, every second of everyday I was anxious and was worried that I was dying of some unknown health condition, this health condition ranged from cancer, strokes, heart attacks, blood clots in my neck name a medical condition I thought I had it. I also cant drive I have my L's because i'm to scared to drive in case I hurt myself or someone else, i also am real anxious if i'm in the car and someone else is driving (especially my grandpa who i'm worried will have a heart attack or stroke behind the wheel) I also have a ritual I perform nightly surrounding checking my room for spiders and I put hoodies under the door so spiders cant get in while I sleep, i also compulsively check my body for signs of illness (I still do both these things but its not as bad as before). So I finally went to the GP who put me on meds, I was on them for a week and they made it worse so I stopped and got put on the waiting list for a psychologist but I was told it would be 3 months before I got an appointment ( i have been told this will be even longer wait now), so a few weeks later i went back to the GP to get different meds because I couldn't cope. I found that they started working in about a week and a bit and Im only on 10mg (a low dose) and I have noticed that my general anxiety had almost gone away (i still have bad days & panic attacks) and that even when I did get anxious it was much easier to control ( I couldn't control the anxiety at all before) While I still cant deal with people being sick and I go a bit over the top with sanitising stuff and making people wear gloves etc. It's much better and I feel guilty about this, I somehow feel as if that i'm not anxious and that i'm over reacting or just made it up and that it's all just in my head, I feel guilty for taking the medication because I feel like i'm just being stupid and thats theres nothing wrong with me, even though I was so scared all the time, i couldn't control my anxiety and I was having panic attacks every night begging my mum to take me to the ER at 1 in the morning. I know its stupid to feel this but for some reason I do, i just feel like because the meds worked quick, were very effective and were low dose that i'm overreacting and that i'm not anxious to be on meds.

[geoff]

hello MlCM, I see that you have posted or replied before, but after reading your comment you're definitely are suffering from OCD, I've had it for 58 years and know how debilitating it can be, so now it's a real problem for you.
Medication can sometimes help people while other times not be so good, there is never any general rule here, everybody is different.
As you're on a low dose would be talking to your doctor about whether or not it should be increased, but if it is, then it will be by another small dose, because they want it to build up slowly in your body, in other words if you are given a small dose they won't increaseit to max dose straight away, whereas if you've been taking it for a long time then this may happen, it depends on what your doctor feels should be done.
You must never feel guilty taking this medication, because from you have told us it's quite serious, and by feeling stupid is another OCD trait, you need to be taking it, even though I'm not a doctor.
What can happen is that all these thoughts, habits and/or traits can change throughout your life, and what you are doing now doesn't mean you will be doing them in 10 years, with me they have dramatically changed, one stops and then it's replaced by another.
Don't worry, it's good to hear from you and please ask any question you want. Geoff.