The future is overwhelming and terrifying

[cjxx]

Each day is closer to my future as year 12 ends and I could not be more stressed, sad and frustrated.

I feel pathetic, by now I hoped I had a plan to move overseas. I expected so much of this time of my life - 18 years old, and I don’t even have a lisence. As a younger girl I dreamt of freedom yet I feel like as I reach adulthood nothing seems like freedom. Working 9-5? Paying rent? Being independent? I used to look forward to the future and now I want to postpone it, or simply end things before I get there...

In regards to university I’m in an indecisive loop and I’ve put in 2 preferences I don’t even feel right about. I’m so damn indecisive, i haven’t felt more upset. It seems by each day life keeps getting worse. Everyone around me is so excited for school to end while I’m crying about it every day. I feel icky, for the first time in my life having to make such a big decision, and I can’t make it. The thought of still working at McDonald’s next year makes my head spin as the thought makes me sick. It brings me to hating myself - it seems everyone is happy and handling things just fine while I’m out far behind them, wishing I was 12 again, desperately.

[cjxx]

these thoughts fluctuate.... im sorry if i sound rather pathetic x

[BballJ]

Hi cjxx,

I have read both your posts that you just posted, I would recommend keeping it in one thread that way we can get the whole story of how you are feeling and get everything you are trying to say so we don't miss anything.

You do not sound pathetic at all, you sound like you are just struggling at the moment and that is ok. Believe it or not many 18 year olds don't know what they actually want to do in the future, I didn't decide until my mid to late 20's personally. The future is always a scary thing so I understand how you are feeling. One thing I like is that you are involving your family with how you are feeling and please understand these feelings are very valid however I know you said in your other post you fear professional help because of talking to a stranger and the financial side too. I cannot recommend enough how much my psychologist help me through my bout of mental health issues. They really can help if you find the right one. I would at least go and speak to your local doctor about your feelings, even if you feel you cannot speak in person, maybe writing them down and handing it to them may be an option so the can get the idea of how you are feeling.

I think what is best is to try not to compare yourself to others, whilst they may seem like they have it together, they may be struggling just as much as you are. You can only focus on yourself.

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[Sophie_M]

Hi cjxx, 

You very much remind me of myself when I was in year 12, there is so much pressure on you at such a young age. It can be extremely overwhelming. 

I want you to know that whilst there are new responsibilities entering adulthood, it is also an extremely exciting time with so many opportunities. The end of year 12 does not determine the rest of your life, let me make that very clear to you, it can feel that way but in all honesty it is simply a new stage with a lot more freedom. 

You don't have to be at the same stage everyone else is at, you don't have to have it all figured out, truth be told, most of us don't have it all figured out, that's one of the most interesting parts of life! So you don't have your license, that is okay, everyone lives their life at their own pace and does things in their own time. The best advice I was given when I was experiencing similar feelings to you, was that there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way of living your life. Take it at your own pace, do what feels right for you. 

If McDonald's is not making you happy, start applying for new places. You can choose to go where you want to go, that is the beauty of it! 

Take a deep breath, look at what you want to change bit by bit instead of all at once, start working on one goal at a time. 

You're going to get through this and we are all here for you!