Always an argument

Mecca224 · ‎03-01-2018

Lately, my mum and I have been getting in arguments mostly about her feeling lonely when I’m In the house because I’m upstairs watching shows on my iPad. She says that she my aswell be alone because I’m not present. I’ve told her it’s because I feel like we get into arguments about things whenever we’re together and she kept disagreeing. I feel she’s also been taking her anger out on me about a lot of things including her work, my brother and since my parents are divorce her hatred towards my dad. This has caused me to feel quite depressed. I don’t feel motivated to excersise anymore, go out much or hang out with people I’m not used to hanging out with. Today’s argument starting when she said that we might be going to a persons house that I don’t usually hang out with since they’re children are all boys but my brother is friends with them so that’s how my mother became connected with them. I told her I wasn’t interested in going and she told me how selfish I was being and that she has raised kids that are spoilt and only think about themselves. Even though she knows I don’t feel comfortable in situations like that. I don’t know how to tell my mum that I feel.l depressed, my mother had depression for a while so I do think she will understand but I also think she will feel I’m being dramatic. I’ve been feeling this way for about a year now on and off, I do feel it really started when my parents got divorced. I hate getting into arguments with my mum because I love her but lately it feels like she isn’t hearing what I have to say. I know I should be spending time with her and I do want to but sometimes I forget to ask or I’ve been having a hard day so I won’t want to be around people. I feel tired a lot also maybe another reason I don’t feel like doing much. I want things to be back to normal where I have fun with my mum and not have to watch what I say so I don’t make her upset or mad. I think my mother might be depressed also but she keeps it all in until she bursts and basically puts all of her anger and sadness on to the closest person and today that was me.

I’ve never done one of these so I’m not sure how to end it, but thanks for reading and listening.

james1 · ‎03-01-2018

Hello Mecca224,

Welcome to the forums and i'm sorry to hear about how things have been with your mother. It sounds like there is a significant strain on both of you at the moment, and perhaps a lot of fear that's taken over.

I am in a similar position with my mother and have often been told that I'm a terrible son and terrible brother for not talking to her or my sister more. But, like you, I always felt uncomfortable being around mum because she'd just complain about dad or just have very backwards views that I didn't agree with, yet she'd just keep bringing them up.

It certainly does sound like your mother is struggling a lot, but so are you. And to be honest, I don't think you are both in a position to help each other right now. It's very hard for two people who are struggling to provide the right kind of support to each other. If your mother is lonely, it is up to her to try and make friends - it is all well and good if you both get along, but you won't be able to help her feel less lonely. What about the times when you have to leave or when you move out, for example?

So I think it's worthwhile perhaps to put yourself first. Are you close to your brother at all or do you have any close friends you can talk to? Another person could be a GP or a counsellor - have you had the time to look into these alternatives?

Hope you can keep talking to us. It sounds pretty awful for you right now.

James

Mecca224 · ‎04-01-2018

Thanks for your reply James, I am close to my brother but he’s been living over seas recently so haven’t had much contact but he’s been visiting for a bit and is seeing what is happening aswell and is constantly letting me know I can talk to him about it which I’m glad about.

Ive wanted to talk to my GP or counsellor for a while but whenever I ask my mum she kind of just brushes it off and forgets about it like it doesn’t matter. I haven’t told her it’s because I feel depressed but so I can talk to someone about my feelings towards my parents divorce. I think she isn’t making it a priority because it’s been a little over a year since my parents divorce and she probably thinks I’m over it now.

Mecca

james1 · ‎05-01-2018

Hello mecca,

It is nice to hear that your brother said that. It can be helpful to have someone close to be able to talk to.

Do you need to ask for her permission or can you just go to your GP yourself? Mine don't even need a medicare card now since I've been there before, so I can just wander in and make an appointment.

James

Mecca224 · ‎05-01-2018

I’ll definitely look into the GP situation, thank you for you suggestions and replies. It means a lot that you care.

Mecca

james1 · ‎09-01-2018

hello mecca,

it is good to hear you will try speaking to the GP. I am not sure how old you are but it seems to me like you are doing the right thing by taking this into your own hands.

Please let us know how you go and we are always here if you need anything. Even if you dont' end up going to the GP, we won't be upset and will just want to hear hwo you are going.

James