Hi,
I feel like I can (at least
partially) understand how you feel. After leaving high school, I was lost. I
"found" myself when I was about your age. I'm now 22. I've had OCD
(an anxiety disorder) since I was 13, and I had mild depression in my teens.
I'm now studying second year psychology at university. I started two degrees I
didn't finish. I did 6 months of a health science degree in 2011 (the year
after I graduated). I couldn't understand the chemistry, and also felt "lost"
and depressed.
I had a bad bout of mental illness in 2012, which further
set me back. In 2013 I studied only a few subjects throughout the year. Last
year I completed first year psychology. This year I'm studying full-time second
year psych, and Í know I'm doing the right degree- finally! A few years ago I
realised I wanted to be a psychologist, and I still feel this way 🙂
You’d probably be surprised by how many people have setbacks in life,
especially at our age. If I didn't struggle with mental illness, I
wouldn't have realised I want to be a psychologist! I have forgiven myself for
losing my way after high school, and I am quite happy now. I know a number of
people who took time off after school because they were confused about their
future, or who started a degree that wasn't right for them.
Anyway, I thought you might like to hear that confusion can actually
work out surprisingly well! It’s great you have good family and friends- that
is so important. Your feelings of loneliness probably stem from the fact that
you aren’t sharing many of your thoughts with the people closest to you. Some
people talk about themselves and complain too much, and this can drive people
away. You certainly don’t have this problem! It’s great that you are a listener
(I presume); the world needs more of them! However, it’s perfectly alright to
talk about yourself sometimes.
Next time you’re with your best friend (or one
of your closest friends), try adding bits about yourself to the conversation. This
will probably feel uncomfortable for you to start with, so start in small ways.
If your friends care about you (I’m sure they do), they will want to listen to
your personal comments, and how you’re feeling.
I recommend going to your GP, and getting referred to a psychologist
or counsellor. You could just have a few sessions and see how it goes. Talking
things through with a professional can really help.
Good luck and take care,
SM
