Young people

Don't know what to do anymore.

replies: 5

Let me just say that I'm 22 years old, and I've pretty well had depression for the past 15 years of my life. I never fit in in primary school, was constantly bullied and it only got worse in high school. Around 17 years old it seemed like I'd finally... View more

Let me just say that I'm 22 years old, and I've pretty well had depression for the past 15 years of my life. I never fit in in primary school, was constantly bullied and it only got worse in high school. Around 17 years old it seemed like I'd finally overcome my manic anxiety depression after years of feeling suicidal. Although it was always in the back of my mind, it wasn't active. It came back last year. I'm not sure when it started again or why, but it's back again and it's worse than ever. But I had an amazing boyfriend who was there for me and held me when I cried and did his best to make me happy. I always told him not to feel trapped in our relationship because of my depression. I told him that if it ever got too much I didn't want him to stay with me for fear of how I'd handle it.It got to be too much,he told me in the gentlest way he could that he just didn't love me as he used to. And now I don't know how to move past him.My depression has always centred around my hatred for myself. I hate everything about me. People tell me it's stupid because I'm kind and beautiful, and part of me wants to believe them, but usually when I look in a mirror I see a selfish, ugly bitch that only destroys the lives of people around her. Including her family and friends.And now I'm alone. Again. There's no warm cuddles, nobody to sleep beside me at night and tell me they love me. I destroyed the best thing I had because I could never believe I deserved him, and all I can think of is how I should've done more. Been more. Tried harder.Now I'm just tired of trying. I'm tired of pretending to smile everyday. I'm tired of struggling to keep up at uni. I'm tired of the pain and the loneliness and the emptiness. I'm tired of feeling. I'm tired of being. And yet I can't end it because I know, somewhere in me, that there are people who love me. I know I would only hurt my family more. But I just don't know how to feel human again.I've started eating healthy, I'm seeing a counsellor at my uni once a month (though I haven't seen him since my split with my partner as it was just under 2 weeks ago) and I've finally told my family that I've had depression since I was 7 or 8 years old.I've always had a normal, stable family life with loving parents. But this only makes me feel even more guilty and hate myself more. How dare I feel this way when I'm so fortunate.I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of crying. I'm so tired of being alone. I just want peace. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Feeing guilty, stupid, lazy and like a burden

replies: 3

I've always had anxiety and depression my whole life and usually I've been able to keep it under control however recently I've just started uni and a lot of things happened in my life all at once which I think has made my anxiety and depression much ... View more

I've always had anxiety and depression my whole life and usually I've been able to keep it under control however recently I've just started uni and a lot of things happened in my life all at once which I think has made my anxiety and depression much worse. At uni I've just started doing law which I got into pretty easily with my marks from high school so I am supposed to be able to do the work however about 1 month ago my anxiety and depression became unbearable. Ive started having extremely bad panic attacks where I will pace around the house, crying uncontrollably and not being able to breath which gets to the point where I'm dry reaching. After these first started I also began to not be able to actually read anything properly and Id find myself trying to reread pages over and over without taking anything in. It got to the point where I couldn't really read anything at all because I couldn't focus. I also can't remeber things I've read the day before which isn't like me I usually have a good memory. I then became so bad that I didn't get out of bed for a few days and only got out because my mum forced me to (in a nice way). I've also found it hard to leave the house and make any kinds of decisions, this has resulted in me not going to classes for a month. I lose all motivation and can't bring myself to do anything... Because of all this I've fallen behind and it feels like everything is on top of me and I cant breathe. The thing that really bothers me is that I know usually I can do the work but lately I can't because I frequently lose days where I should be doing work just either having a panic attack or not being able to focus enough to read which makes me have a panic attack aswell. I feel so guilty about not doing my work on time and that maybe I'm just lazy and that I should just get over it and get on with it but whenever I try when I'm feeling bad I cant. My mum and sister try to be supportive all the time which makes me also feel guilty for wasting their time and making their lives difficult. Sometimes they say things to me like you're just going to have to do it or just do it and it makes me upset because I can't. I also find myself lashing out at them when they are only trying to help which just makes me feel even worse and like they would be better off without me. I look at my life and I can't see that I'll ever be happy and I really don't know what to do... Sorry about such a long post, hope someone can help.

Anxiety - Feeling Sick

replies: 2

I have seen only a few of these posts about anxiety relating to the feeling of sickness, Basically im 17 and currently in year 12, I have been dealing with many other types of anxiety since the age of 10 but was able to deal with them. For the past f... View more

I have seen only a few of these posts about anxiety relating to the feeling of sickness, Basically im 17 and currently in year 12, I have been dealing with many other types of anxiety since the age of 10 but was able to deal with them. For the past few months now I have been struggling with constantly feeling sick when outside the house and being scared of throwing up, I used to be a pretty active kid, (tennis, soccer, running etc) but this has left me unable to compete in any sports as I just feel sick and it gets to the point where I can't move or ill throw up. I have visited the doctors and been prescribed Noten to see if it will calm me down for the time beeing but it has not helped yet. Im posting to discover if anyone else experiences this and can offer some tips/remedies to help cure the sickness. and yes I have read about trying to keep my mind off it when it comes and but the urge to throw up is so strong there is nothing I can do besides ride the wave out until it passes. Cheers

Anxiety distorted my reality

replies: 2

20 year old student here! I've been suffering from an anxiety disorder since August last year (a bit over 8 months ago) - it started when I was getting panic attacks out of the blue for no reason and I didn't know what they were! My life revolved aro... View more

20 year old student here! I've been suffering from an anxiety disorder since August last year (a bit over 8 months ago) - it started when I was getting panic attacks out of the blue for no reason and I didn't know what they were! My life revolved around being terrified of panic attacks, so every single thing I did in my day was in light of them. The panic attacks started to be less frequent after the first 3 months but that's because general anxiety was really overshadowing them. It was that omnipresent feeling of uncomfortableness that I just could assign any reason to. I was receiving treatment from a psychologist - mostly counselling and relaxation techniques, touching on cbt principles - which helped but it wasn't really enough.In January (3 and a bit months ago) my mood was really low and I was feeling very hopeless about my recovery so my GP suggested that I go on antidepressants for a while. That was when things got even worse. I had a severe reaction to the medication from the first week. I was aware that it's always bad when first starting, but I was getting crazy intrusive thoughts about suicide, anxiety was through the roof, I lost my appetite completely, and I honestly just thought I was going insane. I told my GP about it (after only a week of taking them) and he sort of urged me to stop taking them because I was having a dangerous reaction, which obviously didn't make me feel better. Since that time I've been feeling so hopeless about my recovery. I feel like the old version of me is gone and I'll never experience life like I once did. People say that you can live a full life when going through anxiety (which i know is true) but i just know that I'll never be content with anxiety being there. The past month I've been feeling insane - like I find I'm really cynical and skeptical about things. I even get anxious when the weather is cloudy now because it reminds me of depression. I can't even think about a movie I watched because my brain associates it with anxiety and depression somehow. I'm very confused and weary of my thoughts and I just want to go back to normality. I find when I'm having good days the feeling is still there so I go back into having a streak of bad days. The thing that gets me is that I don't actually worry about anything other than my mental health - everything tells me to control my worries but I don't really have any worries. I'm doing ACT with another psychologist now but I feel like that's not helping also beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

i need help with 2 things

replies: 3

how long do anxiety panic attacks last iv had plenty of them but iv never timed them. and the other is i always have major anxiety surges at night time. and i want ideas on how to calm it

Struggling With My Anxiety...

replies: 1

Even though I'm not physically speaking, this is the first time I have ever really spoken about my anxiety..to anyone. At the moment, I feel like I'm at my peak. It's been a slow build up for years now, but I'm at the point of it taking over. I've go... View more

Even though I'm not physically speaking, this is the first time I have ever really spoken about my anxiety..to anyone. At the moment, I feel like I'm at my peak. It's been a slow build up for years now, but I'm at the point of it taking over. I've gotten so deep in this feeling that today was the first time I have left the house in two and a half weeks, and that was only just down the road and back. For me personally, just the thought of going out into the open space and being surrounded by people makes my breath quicken. It's kind of like I've just power walked up a steep, rocky hill, but really I've just been in my bed, hiding under the covers from the outside world. My finger nails and the surrounding skin is a complete mess, because without thinking, I resort to picking and biting my nails in an attempt to find some relief. I am currently unemployed and struggling with that, but I can't even think about being in a working environment let alone actually going out and doing it. This is has all come from bullying throughout my childhood and then through four years of high school. High school was the worst thing to happen to me. It's all been a build up from there and has progressively worsened from there. I am now about to celebrate my 21st birthday in two months, and I wish I were able to be normal for just one night! Even when my mother suggested a family dinner with close relatives, I shrugged off the idea in front of her, then came to my bedroom and broke down on my bed, Out of fear, panic and sadness. They're my family...sitting at a dinner table with them for one night shouldn't even be an issue...but it is unfortunately. I hope very soon I can find the strength to begin to overcome this in some way. This may sound a tad dramatic, but I feel like I'm living in a nightmare...in my own body. My own mind. I don't know how much more I can take. At the very least, I just want to be able to go to the shop on my own and not sweat, get clammy hands and panic. Just, some sort of relief would be more than I could ask for right now...

Social Anxiety at School

replies: 1

Hi my name is Tom and I'm 16 I've been suffering from Social Anxiety for 3 years now, it all started one week during summer, the school was growing nearer and I started to lose every bit of self-confidence. Going to the supermarket without nearly dri... View more

Hi my name is Tom and I'm 16 I've been suffering from Social Anxiety for 3 years now, it all started one week during summer, the school was growing nearer and I started to lose every bit of self-confidence. Going to the supermarket without nearly dripping with sweat was a challenge, I felt like everybody was staring and at me and judging how I walk, breath? and how moved myself in general. I'm in college now, year 11. I've just had a 2-week break and need to go back to school tomorrow, but I'm dreading it. I know as soon as I step out of the car I'll get that old socially awkward feeling where I find it even hard to make eye contact with people. I feel at the moment extremely anxious and honestly don't know how much more of this anxiety I can take, All I think about is how nice it was to wake up late, watch some YouTube and go for a walk and head out for a surf at the beach with non-judgemental people. But now I can't, it's just getting up early with severe social anxiety and going to the same place where I don't feel welcomed by other people. I came to this school this year and the problem was, everybody had their friends from their previous school whereas I came from a place where everybody continued to the next level on the same campus, I was getting bullied at my old school because I was "quiet". I need somebody to put this in to perspective for me, any help would be dearly appreciated. Cheers.

My teacher is murdering my self-esteem.

replies: 1

So a lot has been happening to me recently. My implanon rod has been screwing up so I've had my period for nearly three weeks and my doctor has given me useless medication for it, I've been struggling at school because I've been so worried about my p... View more

So a lot has been happening to me recently. My implanon rod has been screwing up so I've had my period for nearly three weeks and my doctor has given me useless medication for it, I've been struggling at school because I've been so worried about my period, I get sick every morning at school and nothing fixes it, and to top it off I missed a psychology SAC to see a psychiatrist about my depression. In the past my psychology teacher and I haven't really gotten along, even though it was never my fault. Every time I speak to her, she looks at me like I'm just a walking piece of scum on the earth. She glares at me when she walks past me and she's just a horrible person towards me. It's making me feel like I'm just a waste of time. Today, I'm too sick to even walk around and I'm too scared to ask her if I can go to sick bay because she'll treat me horribly. What do I do? I don't want to be around her and it's making my school time miserable.

Anxiety & ROCD

replies: 1

Hi there! This is my first time posting about anything like this online, so I'm sorry for the messiness of all of this! Basically- my current issue is that I'm having some major anxiety issues in my relationship. For quick background- I've been diagn... View more

Hi there! This is my first time posting about anything like this online, so I'm sorry for the messiness of all of this! Basically- my current issue is that I'm having some major anxiety issues in my relationship. For quick background- I've been diagnosed with anxiety, bulimia(recovering now) and PTSD alongside having shown signs of OCD. This happened about 4 years back however and I've never followed it up past a bad therapist experience. I've been with my partner for almost two years now and we've known each other for 3. We've been living together for almost a year and things are usually amazing.. We're best friends who do almost everything together. We study the same degree and have the same classes, and because of this we also tend to have the same friend group. We still enjoy doing things on our own however, but we primarily like to be in each others company even if we're not doing something together. Now, on most days- things are perfect. Even more then perfect. Some days my heart absolutely sings with how much I love this man. Sometimes, and this is probably my third or forth experience with it- I get these intrusive thoughts. I get these "I don't really love him", "you should break up with him", "first loves never end up together", "you don't love him enough" thoughts circling through my head and they make me absolutely weak with worry. I get worried that my mind is trying to tell me I don't love this man, and that there's someone better out there for me. This breaks my heart, because more often then not- I feel like I love him more then anything in the world. Then suddenly, sometimes after seeing a post online about how relationships are 'supposed' to be (all infatuation) or something of the like- these thoughts occur. I've been surrounded by dysfunctional relationships all my life, and my mother has always been looking for the "spark" and the "knight in shining armour" who will just take care of her. Because of this, I've had multiple men come into my life and I've just watched her pick up and leave when she feels the spark is gone. I'm terrified that I'm going to be like that- and that maybe what I'm feeling about my partner is a sign that I should pick up and go. I'm terrified that what if I'm falling out of love with him? I think it's my anxiety and a bit of ROCD (things do seem to match up?) because most days- when I'm at my least anxious- the big, warm happy comfortable love is there. I'm just so confused and don't know what to do.

How do you know if it's depression?

replies: 2

So I was just wondering how to tell if you are depressed or if you're just suffering from normal teenage moodiness. Lately I've been feeling pretty down and restless but I don't know if I'm just having a bad couple of weeks or if it's something more ... View more

So I was just wondering how to tell if you are depressed or if you're just suffering from normal teenage moodiness. Lately I've been feeling pretty down and restless but I don't know if I'm just having a bad couple of weeks or if it's something more serious.

Pinned discussions

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

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All discussions

Don't know what to do anymore.

replies: 5

Feeing guilty, stupid, lazy and like a burden

replies: 3

Anxiety - Feeling Sick

replies: 2

Anxiety distorted my reality

replies: 2

i need help with 2 things

replies: 3

Struggling With My Anxiety...

replies: 1

Social Anxiety at School

replies: 1

My teacher is murdering my self-esteem.

replies: 1

Anxiety & ROCD

replies: 1

How do you know if it's depression?

replies: 2

Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

Don't know what to do anymore. replies: 5

Feeing guilty, stupid, lazy and like a burden replies: 3

Anxiety - Feeling Sick replies: 2

Anxiety distorted my reality replies: 2

i need help with 2 things replies: 3

Struggling With My Anxiety... replies: 1

Social Anxiety at School replies: 1

My teacher is murdering my self-esteem. replies: 1

Anxiety & ROCD replies: 1

How do you know if it's depression? replies: 2

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

Don't know what to do anymore.

replies: 5

Feeing guilty, stupid, lazy and like a burden

replies: 3

Anxiety - Feeling Sick

replies: 2

Anxiety distorted my reality

replies: 2

i need help with 2 things

replies: 3

Struggling With My Anxiety...

replies: 1

Social Anxiety at School

replies: 1

My teacher is murdering my self-esteem.

replies: 1

Anxiety & ROCD

replies: 1

How do you know if it's depression?

replies: 2