Alone and feeling trapped

[mg24]

Hi who ever is reading this. I’m fourteen.

Last year I went to England to visit family. (I’m not rich) Going made me really sad. I really miss being there and I miss my family. I would kill to be able to do super small things like go to certain coffee shops with my auntie or go to their house for dinner, or be able to wear a jumper during Christmas or see my family on my birthday but instead I’m stuck here and I probably won’t see them for at least another four years I don’t want them to miss seeing me grow up which sounds kind of stupid. I want t be able to share things with them like that new hair cut or a piercing or an achievement. I feel like we r both going to miss so much and there are so many relationships I could be having. I wish I could move permantly but my dad doesn’t want to, my mum does so it’s not going to happen. It’s not like I’d have anything to actually miss if we moved though. For a start, I hate Australia I don’t want to offend anyone but I don’t like the weather or the culture I don’t even like the beach. My family here sucks. They never remeber my brother and I’s Birthdays and favour our cousins because they’re babies they’re not good at being family and I can’t be myself around them. At school I don’t have any real friends. I sit with people at lunch but I’m never invited to birthday parties, this one girl is always putting me down and I don’t fit in, I’m always someone’s fourth or fifth choice. I feel like I’m a loser. No one follows me back on instagram, likes my photos or wants to talk or text me. I won’t have a boyfriend until I’m 20, they NEVER talk ir text me, I don’t have any guy friends. I know it’s not going to change either I know the groups of people at my school and there’s no where I can go I’m just stuck here, I don’t want to change schools, there’s ano point they’re all the same. I don’t have anything to look forward too until I can maybe leave for England. I think I’m getting a school laptop for Christmas, I obviously don’t have any parties coming up amy mum won’t let me have any piercings, to be honest I just need small things like that to get me through, although I wish I could get it with family members from England and sharing that experience. Just hearing accents and remembering things like eating dinner or smells makes me want to cry. I’m sick of always feeling like this. I wanted to do an exchange there for 3 months but of course I can’t afford it I don’t know how to make it through th next four/ five years.

[mg24]

Hey Raman 🙂 um guess I like cooking desserts the most, I sometimes try to copy a few things off master chef. My blog doesn’t do too much fashion right now just a few hauls. I’m looking forward to discounted clothing too! I’m hoping for some real friends to present themselves at some point. Maybe it’s easier this way though, if I don’t make any friends in the next few years I won’t have any too miss when I go to England? I don’t know if I’m feeling better. I just feel like there’s a huge weight on my chest because I really cant tell anyone. I want to tell my mum, I’m just not sure when. I’ve tried a few times but last time she said I was wallowing and she focuses more on friends thing other than the UK thing, which I think is probably the thing that’s making me the most upset. I don’t know what to do because I understand that I can’t move but I can’t visit either and four years seems like an awfully long time to go back, I think last time there was 2 or 3 years in between visits 😕 thanks for your comment though, means a lot 🙂

[RandR]

Hi @mg24

DESSERT! OMG! What's your favorite and specialty? Desserts are the one thing I've never attempted to cook before in my life. Any tips or advice you could please give me? Friends will present themselves in time. But also good to note that it is also a two way street. Just remember, good or bad, everyone you encounter plays a part to the makeup of your overall character as a person 🙂

Time most certainly flies. 4 years for me went in the blink of an eye. I think it's because I'm old and things seem to go faster (or in my old age I'm just moving slower haha).

Question, what was the last inspirational movie you watched? Do you enjoy the occasional movie here and there?

Raman 🙂

[mg24]

Hey! I'm not sure if I have a specialty because I'm always experimenting but I love anything with chocolate or caramel! I like making really intricate things with chocolate moulds and and stuff XD I'm hoping time flies, but at the same I don't want to waste four years of my life, especially my like, teenage years just waiting, I want to live and enjoy my life, and live the best life possible.

My last inspirational movie? I'm not too sure, I did just watch Pitch Perfect which is my favorite movie but idk if it's inspirational. I love watching movies though Speaking of like movies and entertainment, me and my mum watch this show called 24 hours in A&E which is basically a hospital documentary set in St. George's, London and they just film lot's of trauma calls and things like that, but now I can't watch it without crying. There's so many doctors saying to live your best life and you don't know when it's going to end, and it's so English.

I tried telling my mum how I feel again, but she asks me at the worst possible times! I was lying in bed in the dark facing away from her, and I was super tired, so I'm not really in the mood to talk about anything and then when she leaves I end up crying and I can't get to sleep. This time though, she told me I was wallowing and I need to 'buck up'. I just wish I could sit down with someone and just talk though everything, almost like ticking everything off a list. Thanks 🙂

[RandR]

Hi there 🙂

Chocolate you say? I think my girlfriend would like you haha!

Intricate sounds very cool! And that it takes a measure of patience. A characteristic and something that will no doubt come in handy regarding your current situation.

I can tell you as a 33 year old, I definitely don't have life all figured out. And that, it took me some time and although I feel like my life is currently going as well as it's ever gone, there is always room for improvement and wanting more. For 14 you are, believe it or not, doing extremely well. You give me the impression that you have a very strong mind. It will do you a lot of good in the future. TRUST ME!

Pitch Perfect....not sure I have seen that one. 7 pounds was a great movie for me. I also would highly recommend a series on Netflix (if you have it) called Chef's Table. It is truly brilliant and well worth it. Especially if you enjoy cooking. My recommendation would be Francis Mallman in that series.

24 hours sounds interesting, I might have to check it out! Thanks 🙂

Sorry to hear that you tried to reach out to your mum but didn't quite get the best time. Have you tried setting a date for you and her to go out for lunch or shopping so you can sit down with her 1 on 1 outside of the house to talk about?

A change in environment might be helpful.....just a thought.

Hope you're doing okay 🙂

Raman.

[mg24]

hey:) thankyou for saying I’m doing well.. although I don’t really know, I’m just not dying. That doesn’t make much sense but I mean like what is there to do other than just ‘live’ I’ll have to check out your movie recommendations. You have to watch stranger things though it’s so good!!! I’ve kind of thought about going out for the one on one thing but it seems like there’s plenty of opportunity she just doesn’t bring it up and I feel, now that if I do she’ll just think I’m complaining. Maybe being a blubbery mess in public is something to avoid anyway XD I just don’t know what to do!! I may have patience but everyone’s runs out eventually. People say you never know what’s around the corner life is full of surprises, treasure everyday, ect but im not sure how to look at it like that. My parents go on and on about how you shouldn’t but bottle up your feelings and there’s always someone to talk to. I do t have any friends I can really trust and everytime I try to open up to my mum and tell her what I’m feeling she just gets mad or shuts me down or just disagrees with me and says i need to get over it! I don’t know where I’m supposed to go with this 😞

[RandR]

Hey mg24,

How are you? I read your comment. Death is certain, life is not. It's harder to live believe me. When I was 14, I had a lot going against me. But you know what? Tough times don't last, but tough people do...

OMG! So the fact you said Stranger Things is awesome! It's my favourite Netflix series! I'm obssessed with it. I'm a 80's/90's kid so I used to BMX and have a three mates that made our core group of 4. I'm also a massive nerd so all the Star Wars references are brilliant! Who's your favorite character in the series? Have you finished season 2?

I hear what you're saying about the timing with your mum and not wanting to be a 'bluberry' mess, but at some point you will draw the conclusion that enough is enough. What I mean by that is, nothing changes if nothing changes. Think about that.

I also weigh my life and situation in two different areas:

1) Things that are in my control
2) Things that are 'not' in my control

To answer your question/statement on where to go from here, well, that's entirely up to you 🙂

Personally, my gut tells me that in time, you will look back at this and be surprised just how strong you've become and that you are leading the life you want to 🙂

All in due time. Just try to keep your chin up and being hopeful....I am for you 🙂

Regards,

Raman 🙂

[mg24]

Hey. I’m not necessarily talking about death, although it is inevitable I just think there’s a difference between living and existing. Like you can breath and just go to school and do your homework, ect but your just existing. Your not really living. You don’t have to go sky diving or win a noble prize but you just have to be doing something you enjoy or be somewhere you like being, surround yourself with peoples you enjoy being around. I think to live you really just have to be living a life that makes you happy, I feel like I’m just existing; getting on with it day after day.

, I LOVE STRANGER THINGS!!! I’ve seen both seasons (and rewatched them) and now I’m just waiting for season three!!! I’m not an eightys kid but I do like the 80’s era even though I wasn’t there. The music and the fashion (minus the shoulder pads) are really interesting. My fave character would have to be Dustin or Hopper. Eleven and Mike r the couple of the century though.

i get what your saying with enough is enough and to be perfectly honest I don’t think anything will change anyway but I can’t look at it like that. I think I kind of already know it but I can’t jus switch my feelings off because nothing will change. It’s the one thing I would give anything for. I don’t think anything will change but I don’t have anything to “substitute” for it in my life. That probably sounds terrible but I don’t have any “real” friends right now, I’m not rich, I fight with my family a lot I don’t know what there is to cling onto. I don’t want to sound spoilt I’m just kind of empty.

You know, I kind of do the same in the weighing life but I make lots of lists. For some reason I find them fun. To be honest though, there is so much I’m not in control of. I’m in control of, well I’m not %100 sure what I’m in control of to be honest. I know it would or will be great to look back on this, but I dont want to look back on the years of my life I was lonely or upset. I get life isn’t perfect but I don’t want to look back on the main chunk of my youth as think that it was wasted. I am trying to keep my chin up, it’s just hard. I can’t see anything to look forward too. I keep trying to talk to my mum about going back to the UK but there isn’t a “slot” that really works. I can only go in the Xmas holidays because I can’t take time off school and they go for 8 weeks but Mum says the weather is to bad, She wants to go in September. It wouldn’t ver long if we went in Sep either, I just can’t c it happening 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi mg24,

Funny you mentioned liking the 80s as I grew up in the 80s. I did enjoy the music from that period, then again, guess we didn't have much of a choice unless we listened to what had been from the 70s 60s or before that even.

Life is a bit like that, we do the best we can with what we have at our fingertips. Right now you desperately want to go to the UK but that is not possible. When I have had times of wanting something I can't have, I try to make the most of what I do have.

Sometimes we need to have a look around and see what is going right, or what we can strive for.

Back to the 80s, I remember a co-worker using half a can of hair spray often to make sure her hair stayed boofy! No wonder the ozone layer is so depleted! All that hairspray didn't do the environment any good!

Hope you can see the world around you with different eyes so you can make the most of your opportunities now. I know that is something I am working on myself.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Mal99]

Hey

What you write really stuck out to me as it’s exactly how I felt

When I was in early high school I was in big friend groups but never felt truly close with any of them and often got excluded from things too, I was never invited to parties, and if I was it felt like a pity invite cause they were inviting everyone else from my group. When I was 14-15, that’s when my mental health got worse because my best and only true friend moved away and I just felt so separated from everyone. I had no friends, I hated my school, I hated living at home, and the only thing in the world I wanted to do was to move to London and just not be stuck in Australia anymore. I told myself ‘well, I can stick it out here until I’m 18 then go’ but then I turned 18 and had no plan or money, and now I’m almost 19 and at uni here in aus for the next few years until I finish my degree, still stuck at home with my family and stuck in my same old life.

But what I can tell you is that I spent my entire teenage years waiting to be older so I could leave - I look back on high school and everyone else was having fun and living live, but I had convinced myself that as long as I was still living here, in the same school, house and life, that it couldn’t get better - so I separated myself from everyone, thinking I as soon as I graduated I could be that girl who moved away to live her life.

I don’t know if it’s because the movies made me feel like this, but I feel like your teenage years are supposed to be when you can make mistakes and live outrageously and have experiences that will shape you as a person - and I missed out on that because spent the whole time in my room praying for them to be over. I’d give anything to go back 5 years ago to when I was 14 and know that even if all I want is to be out of here, it doesn’t mean I have to sit around doing nothing while I wait.

I don’t know your exact situation so I don’t know how you can make the most of it, I know for me I was too shy and insecure to start a new activity or just talk to people - but I found making friends online really easy. I met one of my best friends on Instagram through a one direction fan account (it was 2013 don’t judge lol). She lives in Europe so it felt dumb to make friends I’d never see in person but we Skyped every so often and now we’ve been friends for 5 years and I met her in person for the first time last year!

I hope you can find happiness here in Aus in the time being 🙂

[mg24]

Hi! Reading what you said made me feel so much better. People say they kind of feel the same way but you really understand! Everything you said you felt and experienced seems to just line up with how I’m feeling. I really want to ‘live outrageously’ and have fun being a teenager, I just can’t find anyone to do it with or anything to experience it. Thankyou so much for saying you don’t know what my situation is because people don’t really give any regard for that, fussy there’s always opportunity or you just need to try harder but I think when you feel so strongly about something you have looked for everyone Option, you’ve tried incredibly hard to find a solution. Tbh I feel like if people r going to see me the way they do the I’ll have to just live with that and hopefully like you did, make friends somewhere else and maybe I’ll just have to wait. It sucks and feels kind of bad but sometimes it’s like what else can you do. I’m hoping I can go on a studen exchange to the uk or Canada for 3 months next year to just experience something and see who else I could be I just need to get more money 🙂 meeting your friend in person must have been amazing, I hope maybe something similar might come into my life (don’t worry we all went through a1D phase) 🙂