Afraid I've no where left to turn

[Worriedgirl]

Since September this year I have been feeling extremely anxious! At the start I wasn't sure what these feels where or how to deal with them. I've been having weird thoughts like "what if I lose control and harm someone" or " what if I assault someone" I've tried to occupy myself by being with friends but I just feel so disconnected and that my mind is somewhere else! I'm only 18 I shouldn't be like this "! These thoughts scared the living day lights of me and that's when I thought that's it' I'm going nuts!  I thought I was badly depressed and that it would pass. Since then I have tried to forget about it and do what I normally did witch eventually lead to me having a mental breakdown! I went to my doctor and explained what has been going on and have been to concelling but nothing seems to help. I' m afraid to leave my house and I don't wanna go anywhere witch results in me staying in my bed day in day out! I just wanna go back to the fun person I was but I feel like I can't! I' m scared I'm gonna feel like this forever and Suicide has been a opinion I've thought about quite a lot! But I know I'm strong because I'm still here and I'm still seeking every opinion I can to help myself! I just don't know where to go from here and I don't want my ansixty to get any worse as for the last 3-4 months it has made my life a living nightmare!! 


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[CrashCoyote]

Hi Worriedgirl,

I am a 51yo dad of five so have had some little experience with 18yo daughters. I am also a retired Sydney Police Sergeant and have a bit of experience in depression. My last long term relationship was 7 years with a lady that had severe anxiety and OCD. Those are my credentials! 🙂

I spend a lot of time answering posts on this site and my last one was from a lady that sounds a lot like you. You would be surprised how many people your age are really struggling with their identity, self esteem, confidence, depression, anxiety and thoughts of self harm. What I am trying to say is that it is not uncommon to feel the way you do. Where you end up will depend a lot on the support you get and how you manage your own feelings.

Can you say why you think the counselling does not help? I know it is a slow process but CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is the usual first step for someone in your situation and it can be plodding and a bit of hard work but it can also be very effective.

If you end up seeing a psychiatrist you may wind up on medication but that is not a cure for everything and some people have very bad side effects to meds. I'd only do that if other treatments were ineffective.

I am keen to hear why your therapist isn't helpful to you.

Please keep posting if you can. I will always reply.

Kind regards, John.

[angelite]

Hi Worriedgirl

I'm so glad you are reaching out.  That tells me that however small there is a tiny light searching for help. 

I can feel how much you are hurting and I understand.  But there is help out the and options available.  Even if you can't see it at the moment they are there.

My suggestion to you is to try some of the helplines available.  Bb have one , lifeline,  and suucide call back. They are great options that will offer unconditional support,  non judgment and they care. If making phone calls are too difficult there are online options available. 

I'm not sure if you have heard if grounding techniques if you google it they are really helpful for managing anxiety.  My favorite is using my senses and breathing meditation.  Even breaking you day into hours and find distractions,  reading, music, exercise, something you enjoy to do.

Go back to your gp and ask for another referal to a psychologist just because one didn't suit doesn't mean there isn't another one out there for you. I understand it's frustrating but it takes time.

Please remember there  are options you just need to reach out for the help you deserve.

Take care

Karen

[Zeal]

Hi Worriedgirl,

CrashCoyote's post is great, and I thought I would do a post too 🙂 Depression, OCD and anxiety are tough to deal with even by themselves! I am 21 now and live with mild ongoing OCD. In my teens I had mild depression and severe OCD. I have read about the type of OCD you have described. It's important to know that these negative thoughts you are having don't make you a bad person. Thinking something horrible doesn't mean you will act on it, and everyone has bad thoughts from time to time.

You could try a new counsellor or psychologist, as it is important to be able to relate to and trust your medical professional. I have seen psychologists and psychiatrists before to deal with

my OCD. It did help a bit, but I haven't been able to fully commit to a CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) program. This is partly because my OCD revolves around a fear of germs, illness, and my phobia of vomit. With my CBT, I created a hierarchy of "fears", from the least anxiety provoking to the most anxiety provoking. Because I had to touch "dirty" things and then not wash my hands as part of my OCD treatment, I couldn't seem to stop thinking about the fact that my hands were dirty, and this made actually keeping to the CBT treatment difficult.

For your OCD, challenging your specific thoughts are the priority. There is an OCD Workbook I was given by a health professional. Maybe you could access it. It's called The OCD Workbook Second Edition, by Hyman and Pedrick. Chapter 8 specifically applies to your kind of negative thoughts, and would be a useful read.

Regarding your

suicidal thoughts, make sure you have someone to talk to and confide in. This could be a psychologist or counsellor, your Mum, a sibling etc. You are not alone, and keep your family close. During tough times, family can be a great source of comfort.

Good luck with everything 🙂

[Damo23]

Reading your post is when my problems arose, I have suffered depression,anxiety for 10 years now this has caused two serious relationships to end it is a frustrating illness with no quick fix. Positive and strong is a great thing to hear, from my time with this I have learnt to see the early signs and symptoms still not easy but you learn how to get yourself through these times. This is a first time on this website for me, you will get through this also learn as much as you can about it this saved me in recent years.