A case of Lonelieness - Advice welcome

[A_93]

Hi all,

So, I'm generally not one to seek out this kind of advice, in fact, this is the first time I've ever posted or looked up such a forum.

Anyways, I'm 22 years old, and I recently graduated from University and was extremely fortunate enough to land a full-time, permanent job in the exact field I studied (sounds great, right?). The job I got was on the other side of Australia. Foreign territory to me. I've lived out of home since I was 18, so I figured another move couldn't be so bad. But as of late, I've had a sinking feeling of low self-worth and self-pity. I feel lonely here. I haven't made friends like I did when I was at University. I've been living here for just over 6 months now, and the only few 'friends' I did make, have been completely opposite to me in terms of common interests and hobbies. I feel like they're more acquaintances than anything. No-one I've connected with on a personal level.

I know the constant response may be "join a club", but I have really bad anxiety in large groups. I feel a lot more comfortable connecting with people on a one-on-one basis. University helped me make a lot of my friends from home, but here, I feel like I have nothing. No-one. My colleagues at work, remain as colleagues (not to mention they're mostly twice [or more] my age). I guess I just feel lonely. Sad. Empty inside.

Lately I've also had a lot of thoughts run through my head of where I'm at in terms of relationship goals too. I'm single and have been for a while now, and I feel like I've missed my opportunity of meeting other women (since my prime days of University are over). And now knowing I'm in a full-time, permanent job, the realisation of knowing I will be doing the same thing day-in, day-out for the next 40+ years saddens me. I've lost that joy and excitement I used to have in my life. I just feel... miserable? Lost? I don't know, as I read this back, it all sounds silly. So, I get it, if it's not worth the time. I know there's people out there with a lot worse, so I shouldn't complain. It's just... Somewhat demoarlising..

[Guest_3072]

Hi there! Welcome to the BB forums and congrats on landing your job!! I know that you said that you have anxiety in large groups, but maybe you could try and see if there are any smaller groups you could join? How much people in a group makes you feel anxious? If it's over 20, then maybe you could join something like the local Toastmasters group (public speaking and leadership club) if that's something you're into? I don't want to say "join groups" but have you tried maybe posting an ad in a newspaper or on Gumtree for friends? I have seen some ads on Gumtree when I was looking for stuff to buy and it hadn't come across me before that people would advertise for something like that but hey, you gotta do you right? You could post something like "new to the area, looking for friends to chat over coffee, movies, etc" and if you hit it off, they can maybe introduce you to more people. If the "friends" you have made don't really click with what you are interested in, are there any activities or events in your area of things that you would be interested in? Maybe you could enrol into a community college for a leisure pursuit like photography or ceramic classes (heaps more interesting stuff than what I just mentioned LOL) and find people there with common interests?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey A.93,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for joining us!

Congrats on your job; sounds like it was pretty fortunate you got one so quickly after your studies. Also sounds like it was a bit of a catch 22 - you get the job you like only you're feeling a bit lonely. So I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been so easy but it does sound like you're interested in getting to know some people which is great.

Joining a club is so much easier said than done, but there are other ways to meet people. Here's a list of ideas that might help -

- Let your colleagues know about your situation. Yes they might be a bit older, but getting to know them might lead to more connections, or they could suggest ways or activities that might be helpful. They might also have kids or know people within your age group that would be a good connection.

- What sort of area do you live in? Often cities have groups specifically for anxiety to help people meet others in a non-confronting way; this might be worth considering.

- Try online. See what groups are in the area and what's happening around you. This can also be a great way to meet people without the awkwardness of face-to-face conversation. Nabo is also a new app that helps find people around your neighbourhood, or Facebook.

- Go out to places. Bars, clubs, restaurants, bookstores. Strike up conversations. It doesn't have to be big and bold - just start with hello. Depending on where you live, you may find that there's events and attractions - these kinds of things are perfect for meeting people because there are more opportunities to strike up a conversation.

As for relationships - well, I can tell you that about a bunch of friends that met people after uni. At 22, you are still quite young; the gap is not closing in a hurry! My friend met his girlfriend at 30, so know that you definately haven't "missed your opportunity".

What sort of job are you doing? The idea of doing the same thing for the next 40+ years can seem daunting, but it doesn't necessarily mean you'll have the same one job. People can learn and grow in their careers; you never have to be stuck in one role. A nurse for example could end up in several different work environments or fields and the day of a nurse could be so different depending on where he/she was working.

Oh - and finally - what you are saying matters. We all matter, and that's why we are here. So please don't worry about complaining here 🙂