Feeling Blue From Family

[AnxiousInsomniac]

There's this place, kinda like this sight but in person. Called Headspace. My dad wanted me to go because I have problems with motivation, depression, insomnia and the biggest issue is Anxiety. I went a couple of times because he was really worried. But I didn't think it was the thing for me. I don't like talking to people, my problems are my problems and I feel really nervous telling other people. But I went. But after a few times the person I'd been speaking to, who I'd gotten used to, moved to a different firm of the organisation and I had to start the whole issue of trust again from scratch. Which I didn't do. But I told dad I was still going. Made up stories about the 'help I was getting' and tried to make it seem like I was getting better. That was until he started to try and contact them about how I was doing. So I started going again and knew it was going to come up and out in the open but couldn't find away to tell him. Now he's found out and is under the impression I did it because I was too lazy to. He has a problem with people lying to him and I know I should have told him but I feel like telling me to get out of his sight and not to speak to him again because I'd put him in a scenario he didn't like, he didn't want to interact with me at all for a while was really harsh considering I didn't want to do headspace in the first place, he pushed it on me, and I started going again just for him. It's not for me no matter who says what because I honestly hate talking about my feeling with anyone but me. The exception is in places like this where I am anonymous and safe from the judgement I don't need from other because I judge myself already.

the main issue I needed to address was the fact dad doesn't see how the whole talking to others about my problems isn't helping me function normally. I'm even more depressed. I have an even lower self image and I genuinely feel exaughsted from the encounter. But he wants me to go, not because he's worried I suspect, but because he wants his messed up kids to get fixed or get lost before his girlfriend realises how messed up we are.

[Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46]

Finding someone to talk to is one of the hardest things. I've had similar experience to you, where once you do open up, the person leaves to another job. It's tough.

I have great trouble finding people I can truly talk too about issues. I hate the opening up as it brings back pain and stress. I hate having to go through my tale of woe etc.

I do think it's worth it though.Having a person to unburden yourself with is incredibly beneficial if you can manage to get there.

I suspect your dad does want to help, but is probably as lost what to do besides headspace.

You might have better luck asking your GP to do a mental health plan. Normally a standard process, you book a double app and go through a check list of questions (e.g. do you feel sad in mornings, lack of energy etc). That way you can get a referral to psychologist, and can look for one you like, and feel comfortable with. The referral means it can be bulk billed (free), and in my experience, a psychologist are lot less likely to job move than staff at headspace.The bigger city you live in, the more choice you'll have finding a good fit.

Above all, hang in there. I hope you bear the parental anger ok.

As a parent, I'd be irritated if my kids lied about where they were etc. But I'd hope I'd be able to take those deep breaths and remember to blame your illness, not yourself. Depends a bit on how old you are too.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi AnxiousInsomniac,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting. I appreciate you being really honest with us about your experience with Headspace. It really sounds like you didn't want to go and tell people about your problems. I get that your Dad seems super concerned and worried about you. I don't think he wants to fix you but maybe he just wants you to feel a bit happier.

It can be super confronting and hard talking about our problems, but it can definitely help. Often it can feel like problems just bottle up inside us and that's why stuff happens like how we get anxious, can't get motivated, get depressed or we can't sleep. Being able to talk to someone about these problems (even though it's uncomfortable) can help a lot.

Can I ask how come you decided to post here? It kind of shows me that maybe there's a part of you that does want to talk about things, even if it is hard and tricky. Yes your problems are your problems, but sharing it with the right people can make it feel less heavy.