1 - my first post

[Keira]

I came to beyond blue for support. since their support chats are unavailable where I am I decided to create an account. This is my first post so I'm not sure who will see it or who will help but since this is basically a diary entry I guess I can share some feelings. I am scared. I feel too cautious. Like somethings coming for me. It didn't help that I just heard a fight outside my house. People were screaming and shouting at each other. I could hear swearing and tire screeches and car doors being slammed. The worst part was the screaming. It was a drunk kind of screaming. One that sounds like it belongs to someone who wont let someone like me get in the way of clueless murder. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe it's instinct. Maybe it's just getting used to being alone.

[Croix]

Dear Keira~

You have made your first post and will find you are very welcome here. There are lots of other people here, each one of which will have started out making a post just like you have. While we are here to help by talking about what has happened to us and using the knowledge to help you it is not like a chat room where things happen in real time. As you have found out it takes a while to get replies. It does not mean this place does not help, just it's different and slower.

The sounds of the fight outside your house, particularly if you are alone, would be very frightening. Alcohol has a lot to answer for at times, and no, nobody should go out and try to stop a fight, that's the cop's job if they are around.

You did say you were having to get used to being alone. Would you like to say a bit more about yourself and your life? With what you have said so far we know are alone in a place where there are drunks and that's about it.

I hope you feel welcome enough to post again, we'll look out for it

Croix

[Guest_125]

Hi Keira,

Thanks for your post on my thread earlier. I really appreciated it.

I get anxious too, especially at night, and that's without fighting outside, so I can't imagine how it must've felt to hear that. Thank you for reaching out to share your thoughts with others. Keep talking. I get the sense that this is a very supportive and welcoming place and hope you do too.

[Saving_Joyce]

Hi Keira

I too get anxious of a night. I also had a night where there was a fight outside and it spooked me for a long time.

I find grounding techniques help me in these moments. I find the easiest one to practice just feeling the floor under my feet and controlling my breathing (breathe out for 6 and in for 4). Controlled breathing works wonders as it’s getting more of the CO2 out of your body and slowly calming you down.

Hope you find something that helps

Best Wishes Joyce

[Keira]

Your welcome, im glad i could help. (sorry for the late reply)

[Keira]

Thank you for your support everyone. I hope you are all doing okay.

I'm still new to this webiste so im not sure if im using it right but i think im on the right track. I feel alone. I dont have a problem with that because im fine on my own but sometimes i wish someone was there to help me isntead of feeling like i have to deal with everything myself. Im not expecting anyone here to take on that burden but as i said before im using this to let some feelings out that ive bottled up for too long. I'm still getting used to my new high school. I had to move schools because i couldnt take it at my old school. It was horrible there and the worst part is that everyone always talks about how great it is. Maybe it's a good school if your popular but it wasnt good for people like me who always hid in the shadows. Everyone always avoided me and looked at me like i was come kind of freak. It just wore me down until i was in the office every day crying my eyes out because i couldnt face them. My new school is great, no one looks at me like they did before. They actually accept me as a person but because of all the depression and anxiety i developed from my old school i can't be as happy as i used to be. I am getting alot better but i cant keep kidding myself. Im not fine. Im broken and i cant fix myself. If i was the person i used to be i would fit in alot more. I would talk to people and laugh instead of standing in the corner picking at my nails and hiding behind books. I love books but ive become anti-social and i feel awkward all of the time. I tell myself not to be angry but its hard not to at everyone that drove me away. They made me like this and they just get away with it wwihtout a consiquence. They got exactly what they wanted and it makes me furious. Why should I have to feel this way because of their mistakes. It was their words that pushed me over the edge. Their the reason I hide. I'm fighting it so that I can be a stronger person but I cant do it forever. I don't care what people think of me but it gets kind of tiring when it's just sympathy or disgust. If you read this please don't feel that it is your job to try and help. I just wanted to let some feelings out of my system. Thank you all the same. If anyone ever wants to talk you can come to me x