Sam, outstanding of you to come here and post looking for advice. Well done. You are in a very protective place that will not ever judge you.
You clearly love your wife massive and care for her deeply.
It is a really hard place that you are in. You want to care for her but it sounds like she doesn't really want to be helped judging by the trouble you would get in if she found out you posted.
A few things:
Head to the Carers forum which after you have a read, I think you will find that there will be others that have been in your position - beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/supporting-family-and-friends-with-a-mental-health-condition.
Your wife clearly needs a review of her mental health plan. Is she engaging with her psych? When people are as down as what she is, they think that the world will be better off without them in it which obviously is just not the case. I would encourage her to see the GP and/or psych to assess her plan and to continue or re-start treatment.
For you though, you sound so supportive and i would continue reinforcing that she is loved, is needed and is not a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes, it is a case of learning from those mistakes. Encourage her to take on her depression or what it is she has, engage with it and not push it away because it will not go away. Tell her you will continue to support her in her journey and that you are going no where.
This is a marathon, not a sprint so stay the course, continue to support and care and lead her through the dark times.
Keep posting and engaging with the forum, we are here to assist.
Mark.
