This is it, 2019 I must change.

[SgW]

Hi,

No longer do I want depression and anxiety to rule my world. For the best part of the last 29 years I can remember I have battled the two in some form or another. I sucks and I'm tired of feeling down, tired of feeling sad, tired of feeling upset, useless and so forth, I'm just tired. And I'm throwing everything at beating this once and for all. I dont think I've ever felt real happiness not have I really had a best friend.

I dated someone for 7 years, enjoyed it. I loved her at times but I was never truly in love or happy. When she ended it after not really going anywhere my world crashed. I felt lost and without purpose. Life had no meaning. I felt I had lost my girlfriend, our small family and my best friend... my closest mate was there for me, he still is. I went to his engagement party but wasnt invited to the wedding. We still chat, occasionally catch up like once a year outside seeing each other at hockey but recently he said he may have work for me. Another friend I've caught up with a little recently and I made a new one via badoo, he started chatting to me cos I think he was interested in dating but I'm straight so we became friends. He employed me as a cleaner. I wasnt too interested in the job but said why not. I've been cleaning almost a month.

Lifes rollercoaster continues with work where I seem to end up unhappy at work or under appreciated or not paid or the whole place closes.

I met a lovely lady on tinder who has a child and major medical issues. Like massive and lucky to be alive. I wasnt really her type but she fell for me pretty quickly. Faster than I her. But we have been in separate states for a month now and she doesnt really miss me. She doesn't want a relationship right now, she is recovering for which could take a year. She will be back soon and misses something's but yeah that was a tough pill to swallow but I have. We are engaged but on a break. Still committed and faithful but the space hurts. Time will tell on how things go. At least shes willing to try more counciling. I hope she likes the new me i have turned into this last month but I know I've got a way to go. I never felt in love like this before and I dont want to lose her. I have been feeling happy some days since I've gone through change but I still have my days. That's why I'm here. I want to be happy I want to stay happy. I hated part of myself and the fact I let my fiance down. Hobart is a bland place at times but it's where I'm from and where i live.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Thanks for the well written post.

In my experience, your goals are better directed at reducing anxiety and depression and living with the remainder, that way your challenges can be realistically achieved. But cure? Not much hope. Reduction of your illness symptoms will provide you with enough peace and satisfaction to live life happily.

Like a lot of challenges we should have short, medium and long term goals. It isn't likely change will come in the short term.

Rather than ramble on below are several threads that you can GOOGLE. Just read the first post if you like.

Beyondblue topic how I eliminated anxiety

Beyondblue topic depression, a ship on the high seas

Beyondblue topic depression and the timing of motivation

Beyondblue topic negatives and positives

Beyondblue topic depression are there any positives?

Beyondblue topic a good nights sleep

Beyondblue topic be radical

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

There are thousands more on this site.

Hope you keep in touch

TonyWK

[SgW]

Thank you for your comment. I am aiming high because well I have nothing to lose. 29 years of this. I want to enter my 30s and beyond the best me I can be. Thank you for the recommendations as well. I'll look them up over the coming days as I am so keen to learn how to keep improving. Its exciting!

[Doolhof]

Hi SgW,

I too welcome you to the community here. It is great that you want to make positive changes. Like Tony WK mentioned, having goals helps, as long as they are realistic and achievable.

A psychologist told me it is okay to have days when you are depressed as long as you accept them for what they are and try to move forward even when it is tough. Guess he was saying don't give up and even trying to do something is better than not make any effort at all.

Do you have hobbies and interests that you can involve yourself with? I feel it is important to be able to share other people, and equally as important to be comfortable with yourself.

If you have a day where you do feel unhappy, if you can accept that, be prepared to move on and look for something to be thankful for, it may help you get through that day and be more positive for the next day!

Wishing you and your finance all the best!

Cheers from Dools

[JRG]

To SgW,

It sounds like you are going through a very hard time at the moment, filled with both symptoms you are struggling with but also hope for the future with your partner. I feel that your story just emanates how difficult love and relationships with others can be, be it your fiance, your immediate family or even close friends. The people around us truly shape who we are and can be such as asset but also a cause of such pain when things do go quite right.

I truly wish you luck in getting through the tough time you are going through. Always remember additionally to look kindly upon yourself and provide yourself with self-compassion through this difficult time. You are unique and you do have special qualities to offer, even if it may be hard to see them some of the time. I recently found it useful to ask someone else close to me to help me identify some of my personal positive qualities and I have been living each day reading these to myself in an effort to try and improve my own self esteem.

I hope things get better for you soon.

JG.