The person who helps everyone, needs help themselves

[Jules_S]

Hi everyone,

I have been battling depression and anxiety for over 20 years, riding the rollercoaster which never seems to truly end. Over time I have become an expert in hiding my issues and have become a beacon for other people with issues to find comfort in speaking to me. This is great however it does slowly wear you down.

I am very lucky to have a beautiful family and have recently gone back to study embarking on a new career, something that I have always wanted to do and something that sits true to my heart. While studying online, I am still working 30 hours a week in a job that is slowly driving me into the ground. The conundrum is that the job offers me the hours I want, it just seems to tie me back to a place I don't want to be in.

I have considered quitting my job however I have done this before and regretted the decision. I keep questioning myself and reminding myself on priorities in life however something holds me back. I am now at the point of experiencing panic attacks at work however I keep persisting for the betterment of my family, even when my wife supports a move elsewhere. Why do I persist?

Dealing with mental illness has taught me many lessons in life, good and bad, however now I know I need to put myself first. Something that is foreign to me and something I am incredibly scared to do. I am hoping that going back to seek help in the right places will help in clearing the clouds and align my priorities in life.

Thanks for reading.

[BballJ]

Hi Jules_S,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

I can't help but agree with you... there is a quote I love... "It's always the broken souls that try to help others". Really rings true with me and yourself as you said.

I think you need to put yourself first... taking on everyone else's problems really does weigh us down, it's ok to help people and don't lose that quality because it is an amazing one. I understand your job is making it hard, is it possible to find another one before you quit? No job is worth having panic attacks over, your health should be #1, physical and mental. I think the big thing is we are all afraid of change and the unknown, you are in what sounds like a safe job that gives you the hours you want and probably money you are content with. End of the day thats great but is it truly worth it at the sake of your health? That's probably the biggest thing to think about.

My other question for you is have you seen a psych regarding this or spoken to your GP? Any luck with that path if so?

My best for you,

Jay

[white knight]

Hi Jules

I agree with BballJ.

I also think that radical change sometimes is a necessity not to "snap" you out of it as the term goes but to lay a platform for your lifestyle that you can endure with ease.

I have a few threads you can google to get sn idea of my thoughts.

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Topic: controlling your life, how important is it?- beyondblue

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

Topic: charity begins at home- beyondblue

Tony WK

[geoff]

hi Jules, there does come a point in time when you are not able to listen to what other people want to tell you, sure it may help them, but what it does is hide how you feel and everything that is said to you,then you could possibly attach their feelings to how you feel, so you're not only struggling with your own issues but their's as well, and that's certainly not going to help you in anyway to be able to move forward.
The priorities in your life are what you should be paying attention to, because at the moment there are too many issues that are conflicting against what you want and this will cause the panic attacks.
In mental illness we do learn so much and that's how we start to begin building the strength we need to ward off depression, to know the triggers that could set us off back into depression.
You have to do whatever you want to do, stop trying to help all those other people, although it's very admirable for you to help them, but now you're the important person who needs to take care of yourself. Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hi Jules_S

What a great post! BballJ, TonyWK and Geoff are spot on above

I am ex corporate and had acute anxiety for 13 years which has morphed into depression from 1996.

I used to do the same as you by pushing myself and stay in senior jobs with poor & sometimes Toxic management

Im in my 50's and have actually exacerbated my mental illness by not placing my health first while caring way too much for the profit levels of the company's I have worked for. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.

Your health and well being come first...all other considerations are secondary

Regarding the panic attacks: It took me many years to understand that super regular therapy was one of the keys that unlock the door and find peace of mind..

Great to have you (and your experience) on the forums Jules

my kind thoughts for you

Paul