I’m just putting this out there - admittedly to help myself release in the aftermath of my experience and for those who may be hesitant about seeking some assistance or talking to someone about coping with high anxiety at the moment. Especially other men out there.
To put things into perspective - Over the past 40 odd years I’ve always secretly thought I was invincible and strong minded, always able to talk myself through any situation or deal with life’s struggles without needing to burden others with my problems, I’m pretty active, my work is steady and seemingly I am one that shouldn’t really have too many concerns in life... blah, blah etc..etc).
Well it turns out I wasn’t as invincible as I thought.
Two weeks ago amidst the noise of everything going on with Covid Virus I thought It might be a good idea and went cold turkey off drinking coffee.
Over the course of the last week I’d convinced myself I had the virus, my breathing was so tight, my body was so locked up I felt like every breathe I took would be my last - panic attacks all day & waking up in the middle of the night choking on fear and doubt for myself and humanity... coupled with a physical manifestation of a pinched nerve in my upper right back that was clearly the epicentre of where I was holding in all my tension and anxiety.
Admittedly there had been some personal incidents over the past few months that clearly were playing on my mind I hadn’t dealt with (a loss of a close friend, a break up and the news of my 8 month old niece diagnosed with cancerous tumours in both eyes playing heavy on our entire family. Along with the noise of the media, the hype of US & global politics was filling my head with so much crap that last week I hit the wall mentally.
Not wanting to burden my family with more grief and not sure where to turn I ended up calling BB 3 times over a couple of days just to talk to someone... it really helped calm me down on the tail end of my attacks in those moments. I’d been attempting some deep breathing techniques but the pain in my back was so excruciating and limiting the expansion of my breathe. The outcome being that I started using the color visualisation for pain technique as referred to me by a BB councillor and that really helped me focus and flush the pain. I am only after a couple of days now almost back to full force again!
In summary... Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help you are not alone!
Thank you BB and remember to be kind to yourself people 🙂
