Teenage daughter school refusal, high anxiety low social skills possible body dysmorphia and ADHD

[Guest_03528527]

Morning,

My daughter is in year 8 and is 13, this year in particular she has really really bad anxiety about going to school so we have had constant school avoidance. She is so so anxious when I go take her she refuses to get out of the car and has a panic attack and cries its heartbreaking.She is seeing a psychologist and is currently awaiting a ADHD assessment she is also struggling with social and peer difficulties social conflict and feeling excluded. 

The school have been great and are trying to help but we feel lost and abandoned a bit we are going down the avenue that if she gets an assessment she can get medication... but we need to get a referral for someone else and someone else and so on and so on 

Im frustrated and tired my mental health is low and im getting brain fatigue.

Has anyone gone through this .... how can I help my daughter gain friends and be accepted 

[ViolettaZ]

Hi there,

I’m really sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. What you’re describing sounds exhausting and emotionally draining for both of you.

What you describe — panic attacks in the car, refusing to get out, and intense distress — suggests that school currently feels emotionally unsafe or overstimulating for her nervous system, rather than her simply “not wanting to go.” For many teens with anxiety and possible ADHD, social conflict, exclusion, sensory overload, and the pressure of masking all day can lead to shutdowns or panic.

Sometimes children with ADHD (I know your daughter is still awaiting assessment, but it may be worth trying) benefit from additional sensory input to help them feel regulated enough to cope. Occupational therapists often refer to this as “sensory regulation” or “sensory seeking.” If ADHD is involved, movement and sensory input can genuinely help the brain feel calmer and more organised. Things like squeeze/stress balls, bouncing or sitting on a yoga ball, or listening to calming music through headphones may help. I also have a friend with ADHD who always has music on while doing tasks because it helps her focus and regulate.

I would also gently encourage taking some pressure off the idea of “gaining lots of friends.” When anxiety is high, one safe and supportive connection is often more important than popularity. Many kids do better starting with a club or activity based on their interests, where friendships can develop more naturally.

Please don’t overlook your own wellbeing as well. You do not have to hold everything together perfectly all the time.

Warm regards🤗
ViolettaZ