Suddenly feel insufferably lonely

[On The Road]

this is how I feel right now, not sure if this is the best place to post this...

these kinds of intrusive thoughts are scary, they are not the facts but they are linked to reality. Because I'm really lonely.

[On The Road]

It's good to hear that you are eating healthy and getting exercise in the company with your support workers‌‌  I can't ask for details about your physical health I just hope you feeling well. What social things you do recently in your community? I think it could be quite beneficial, to keep ourselves busy in a positive way.  I've been recently thinking to join some social groups once I move into a new place. hope your doctor's appointment goes well. 😊

[mmMekitty]

Hi OTR

I keep so many notes, usually on my PC, that I can't keep track of them either.

I don't like to delete them much because they are also reminders of what & when I've done something, especially medical appointments & what for & what happened & any tests & diagnoses. Sometimes, I may make a note of a forthcoming appointment with the GP, & if I don't also add what for, I may well forget & wonder why I wanted this appointment when I go there.

The way my memory is getting, I think it's more than common age related memory decline. So, next week when I go for that appointment, I want to talk about that with the GP & see if I can be properly assessed & figure out if something significant is going on.

I wanted to ask you what you meant by "I have been 'numbed' somehow ..."?

I have been concentrating on improving my physical health, so the social isn't a priority. I have some interactions with my support workers & a little when I go to Sporting Wheelies on Tuesdays & of-course I talk to my PDr & a little on BB. For me, this feels enough.

I've been thinking about my future, where I will live, thinking it's likely I will need more support, perhaps daily, in the not too distant future either, thinking also, if the worst was that my memory & my ability to make my own decisions about these thngs things is lost, I want to have already chosen where to live.  But do I have enough money to afford what I want? That's something which I am researching. 

I am going to write up a wish list, knowing I'll be lucky to find a place with all the services & amenities I would like, at prices I can afford. Therefore, I also want to prioritise what are the things most important to least.

It's getting very hard for me to do now, because my eyes get so easily irritated as I continue to want to see what I'm typing.

I think I need help to do the searching & planning & assessing. If I go looking at places, I need support workers to take me. For now, I have one day a week with one worker to take me, if I don't plan on doing much else tahese days.

It's great you are getting to social & community groups. This can be a good way to make friends & to find new interests & goals to work towards, if this also includes helping & being involved in things that improve your community. You can be a part of it & feel you have a place in your community. All good!

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[On The Road]

Hi Mekitty, sometimes I actually keep too many unnecessary notes that I'd never go back to read them once I wrote them down. Keeping notes is just another thing that I need to be effective on 😂. Sometimes I feel "numb",  because of the one thing after another with me which is overwhelming. I hope you find a place with accessibility and affordability. Not sure where you live, what do you think of living in the inner suburbs? It's convenient but can be noisy. 

[mmMekitty]

Hi OTR

I think I know what you mean by 'numb' - like when I just want to stop thinking, because there seems to be too much running around my head, or too many bits of information to keep in mind, like when I'm doing my research, I feel overwhelmed with all the detail of what is involved if I want to get into a retirement village, all the different fees I begin to wonder if it is at all possible, then I look at rental, (thinking I will get help to pay), & it seems I would have to move a long way away. It sounds good until I see how far away places are. Then I think of what local services might there be or not be -that's the question.

Therefore I would prefer suburbs close to Brisbane, not the innermost suburbs, because of noise, as you mention. Noise is a big problem for me. The traffic noise is surprisingly good where I am. It's the neighbours that make being here too uncomfortable.

I saw a place online, in a suburb I lived when still at home, many years ago, but I feel uncomfortable with the idea of going to live there. It's also a place which would be a share rental with two other people. I'd have a bedroom & bathroom to myself, but everywhere else is shared. I have strong doubts about living with other people, but I'd love to be in a house, yard, fenced - that'd would be so good.

Yeah, it gets too hard, I feel I want to stop my brain & not think about it again for a few hours. maybe just listen to my current audiobook & zone out a bit. 

Need to get ready for bed. I woke way too early this morning, so now I am very tired. I am going out just to have a look at one of the places, no commitment. My support worker & I can find some lunch, then tour the place.

Maybe I'll just rely on getting a transfer to another place with state housing, to a 'seniors' place ... hoping it won't be too near here, or smaller than what I have now.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hi OTR [LRC waving] How are you?

[On The Road]

Hi Mekitty, how are you?  I'm doing just ok 😺

[mmMekitty]

Hi OTR,

"... just okay"? Would you like to elaborate?

I've been busier since taking up the regular exercises, a group & more after, just me & my support worker using the gym equipment. Now I also have a hydrotherapy session each week.

Trying to work out if I can have some different sort of housing or to stick with waiting for a transfer to another location, where the tennents will be older people only.

I've had one appointment with an occupational therapist & will see her again Monday, when she will bring a few things to show me, things which might be of use to me in my home. The way she wrote the report, I'm nervous about seeing her again. 

My PDr is having a short break, but I'm okay with it right now, knowing it won't be long before he's back.

I'm feeling the weather chilling me, but not like it would feel freezing in other parts of Australia, I know. It's got me wondering how cold this coming winter will be.

Hugzies

mmMekitty