Hello beyond blue, I'm new to this. I'm 31 and I've been dealing with some issues for a long time. I've never realy felt comfortable talking about this with anyone and I'm still not really. But I want to share, so here I am.
I moved to a new state/city a few months before covid. Being stuck, isolated and on my own was hard at the start but it ended up being very freeing. Ive spent almost three years isolating myself from pretty much all social contact besides a few calls a month from my mum. This isolation has been comfortable and less stressful. I realise this is probably not a healthy mindset, but it is how I feel. But it cant last forever and I've been struggling recently (the last year) to re-enter society, find a job and interact with people again.
At first I thought the isolation had worsened my anxiety issues. But i think its always been this bad and i was just constantly forced to live with it. Back home even though I was surrounded by friends and family I was still depressed, especially when I was alone with my thoughts.
I ended up rambling alot more after this point, going into topics that might be trigerring. so I'll summarise it for the intro.
My childhood was bad and I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I've never sought help even at my lowest moments. I wish had and I hope i will. God helps those who help themselves which means nothing to those who feel helpless. Even as I write this I've been up all night unable to sleep becuase I have an interview at 2pm and its 7 am now. I will either go to the interview dead tired or skip it entirely and sleep. Its 50/50 right now.
