starting again, again, again

[mangomoments]

Hello

I've just joined this website. I've been a single parent for 15 years - I've been living in Australia for 15 years and emmigrated with my ex-husband all those years ago because he wanted to. A few years in and I discovered he was having an affair and eventually he left. My children at the time were 2 and 5. Over the years I've handled the best I can but I have no family here and no old friends - and being Sydney, friendships have come and gone and few have stuck. I feel I've lost touch with all my old friends in the UK. We've only been to afford to go back twice. Now, with my kids 16 and 13, I've got more time to myself and realising how lonely I am. I'm dreading Xmas, as I always do. Dreading being on our own, again. I've just grown so cautious of people who are married because of the way I was judged and outcast in the past. I really want to be part of a group of friends I feel I can be myself with - but I just don't know how to make that happen. I'd love to be in a relationship, but even though I put myself out there, I can't seem to find any one suitable. Would love to hear of success stories from other single mums x

[blondguy]

Hello mangomoments

Welcome to the forums and for having the courage to post with us too!

I have bumped your thread topic up as we have many gentle mums that can be here for you! The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post mangomoments.

You are not alone feeling the way you do....not to mention Christmas!....there are many people here that also feel as lonely as you do too

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[quirkywords]

mango moments,

I like your name as mango is my favourite fruit and the thought of Mango moments makes me smile.

I can understand how difficult it is being a single mum. well done for being there for your children and providing them with a stable family life.

Over the years I have been married but felt like a single mum as I had no support from my husband and been single mum as well when the marriage broke up . my children were a bit younger than yours are now when I was single again.

I made the mistake of rushing into a relationship 18mths later after marriage ended and it was too soon and I chose badly. no one liked my partner and it caused friction, and laterI wished I had not rushed in.

it is better to be alone than to rush in.

my present partner is kind and part of the family and loved by everyone.

I know you are very busy but do you have an interest or hobby that you could join a group of people with a similar interest. I know that sounds simple but I know mums who have met people through their interests.

Also finding something you enjoy doing as over the years your life has been devoted to your children. you may have forgotten what you like to do and have lost sight of the real you.

Do you allow yourself time to do what you enjoy doing?

I agree that some married people never know what to do with you , like at a dinner party. you are either the only single or they invite a token male and that is awkward. In the end you stop getting invites.

Thanks again for sharing your story.

Quirky

[White_Rose]

Dear mangomoments

A warm welcome to the forum. As you know being a mom is hard work, doing it alone is even harder when there is no support. Finding another partner is not necessarily the answer though I know the attraction of this thought. I have been on my own for the past 18 years. Sometimes I have felt lonely while at other times I am pleased to be on my own. It depends on what is happening in my life.

I decided to have no expectation of being with someone. If it happened that would lovely but if not, then I would manage. And you have managed all these years and shown you are a strong person. My family are all in the UK. During that time I have returned a couple of times for a holiday and to attend the funerals of my mom and older sister who died of cancer.

What I found was how much I like living in Oz and would not return to the UK to live. When I return there is a sense of belonging here. I understand you do not feel this way. Is there a reason why you do not go back to the UK permanently? There were times after I arrived when I would have given anything to return and be with my family. But now I find life in the UK has changed so much I do not recognise it and living there now would be as alien as I felt when I arrived in Oz.

So what did I do? Made friends where I could and like you found I lost these friendships when we moved or they moved. Do you have a job? Many of the people I am still in contact with are those I met at work. I also have a volunteer role which brings me great satisfaction. That is as worthwhile as making friends. As Quirky suggested, spend time doing what you enjoy. Possibly volunteering, various arts and craft, creative cooking, school tuck shop. These are some suggestions which you may enjoy. I know places like animal refuges are always looking for volunteers, which is great if you love animals.

May I ask if you have Skype or similar on your computer? It's a cheap way to talk to your family in the UK and keep more in touch. Even if they do not have Skype you can phone them and chat. I keep in touch that way.

For me, being part of a church community is important and I have various roles there. Once you start looking around you can see opportunities both to meet people and to engage in something that gives you pleasure and satisfaction. It's not the same as having a partner to come home to I know but it helps.

Please keep posting here if it helps.

Mary