Needing some advice on a broken marriage

[Lovey85]

Hi, I am new to this forum and hopefully will find some advice and understanding. I have been feeling trapped in the past few years, where in my marriage my husband has lied to me on many accounts in terms of finances and also chatting up women online that are strangers. As a result he is in a large amount of debt and there is constant lying from his end and broken trust. I have confronted him on these things however he is in denial. He is on antidepressants and seeks conselling. The option of seperation is not ideal as we have a young child. Most days i feel stressed and overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety.

I was looking to join or start a support group in my local area but dont know where to start. Need some advice also on how to start.

[geoff]

Hello Lovey, please let me welcome you to the site and for posting your comment.

I am sorry that you've lost the trust of your husband because the more likely he will tell you bigger and bigger lies about your finances and speaking to other girls on the net.

If he is in denial, then what he says will be all over the place, and all the trust is wiped away, so when can you start to believe what he says, and sometimes it can be doubtful.

You can't believe him when he says it's not true, all he's doing is stalling for time, so what you need to do is visit your doctor, and also if you can book an appointment with Anglicare.

I often suggest this because they were a terrific help to me, although the circumstances were different, but I know they can help you and your baby move into a flat/house which is fully furnished.

They also have counselling.

Are you able to go to your bank and start your own account where any money can be deposited into, Anglicare can help you do this.

I'd really like to talk to you.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Shaneos]

Hey Lovey,

I'm a first timer here also and sorry to read about your situation.

If I could offer my perspective I'd say if you've passed the point of confronting hubby and trying to help him etc. You have to ask yourself could you ever forgive him.

Some people can I think but for others they never could or would be able to. If that's the case then no matter how hard the prospect may be to leave, the future of spending however long with him until your child is grown etc will just eat you up inside.

Unfortunately I have some insight from your husbands perspective because I did pretty much the same.

For me I pretty will knew myself things were over between my wife and I once I started searching elsewhere. But things dragged out for years before the reality set in which seems to be a common situation I've since found.

I'm not sure if that helps but you sound like a strong person for putting up with what you have and I hope it works out for the best. Please don't stay miserable purely for your child's sake. I think they pick up on that soon enough anyways.

[Lovey85]

Thanks Geoff, fortunately i do have my own finances and a job to support the house. Hard to believe that a person can change so much in 10 years. He is disrespectful to my family and behaves as if he is single. I really am hopeful for a change in behaviour as it is also leaving feel depressed and alone.

[Lovey85]

Thank you Shaneos for your honesty, its given me a good perspective from the other side. I do feel like he is not happy and either am I. I would like to know have you gone through a divorce or separation and what is the outcome?

[geoff]

Hi Lovey, I don't mean to take your question away from Shaneos about divorce but I've been through it and something I didn't want to happen, but my wife was adamant and I can't blame her because our 25 year marriage had been struggling because of my depression and self medicating with alcohol, I was stuck in a hole I couldn't get out of.

The house was sold, she took what she wanted and I rented a house, that's when I began to feel better.

We still talk and see eachother but we can't live together.

It was a marriage where we achieved a great deal and an enormous amount happened, good and bad, but depression was one part that caused this to happen, I wish it hadn't.

Best wishes.

Geoff.