Some advice

[kalevsspinach]

Hi,

I am a single 28 year old male . I need some advice with moving forward. I don't like counsellors, its like talking to family and friends, I feel completely detached and sometimes they make it worse. I haven't been diagnosed with anything.

I am a lonely person. I have tried to be less lonely but it doesn't happen. I have distant friends who I hear from but never hang out with. When we do there is very little connection. It's me. I struggle to start any more chats and I can't keep talking about my issues. No one wants to hear it.

I don't have any self respect. I have cancer and I couldn't care less. I have no self worth or identity. I want someone to find value in me. That won't never going to happen. I probably do have value but I'm blind to it.

I work as a professional but I come home and feel empty. Its not a permanent job and that's out of choice. Yep I have choice in the matter. I don't sacrifice my life for work. I also have no life. I have tried the lonely way of life, doing things for myself and with myself and it was (or I am) dull. I tried committing to a job or way of life, and it bores me. I just find myself turning to vices ( I have no real vices at the moment but I can see why people want to soothe/dull the significant suffering). I've tried travelling for months on end and I get bored.

Sometimes, I feel I am just waiting for death. Every time I try to be alive it cycles around to this same feeling I have posting here. Emptiness.

I am giving up. Just going home every day, a vague hope that something would consume me. Nothing positive and nothing negative. Just is. Yet it tends to sway to this mood.

It strikes me odd that I wanted so much as a child with so much hope, ambition and resilience that now I can't move past anything. I would blame society but I just can't be bothered. It's me. I try to rekindle that hope in an activity. It fizzles out. I'm always stuck. The same cycle.

Does anyone have any steps (small incremental steps) to helping me gain some direction, self-discipline, self-respect and self-worth? Breaking a cycle (step-by-step)? How do I find that direction in life?

Just small slow steps, even small tasks or activities, to get better at this. Advice to see a counsellor would be ineffective - I have tried that avenue and didn't find it helpful. I just want to listen and be open to your advice on small incremental steps (and life advice).

I have no expectation and cannot be disappointed by your response. Thanks for reading.

[Hanna3]

Hi kalevsspinach - I'm brand new here and still finding my way around (only joined yesterday) but I see you're 28 - well I was wretchedly lonely in my 20's - an abusive upbringing then my mum died when I was 18, a heap of things went wrong. I don't know what to recommend to you but I would say stay on these forums there seems to be plenty of support here and you don't need to continue feeling so rotten. So first step, stay on here and like me, get to know your way around. It's already helping me and I'm on this forum less than a day. I'm sure others will be more help but hang in there and you are definitely not worthless! Welcome by the way!

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi kalevsspinach,

Thank you for being here and opening up to us about what's going on for you. I feel really sad hearing about how you feel about your life; the total sense of isolation and total emptiness - it seems like it's really hard. I am also sorry to hear about the diagnosis of cancer too.

It sounds like you've been going through this for a while; do you know what happened or how it really started?

Gosh, steps for direction, self-discipline, self-respect and self-worth.. you know how to ask the easy questions! I think what comes to mind is trying to find a sense of purpose and reason to wake up in the morning. It's really not an easy thing to do when you've been lacking that for a while.

Maybe one thing you could do is look at a values list - there's so many online, and just see what sticks out at you the most. If none of them stick out at you, maybe you could pick the ones that you'd like to have if you didn't feel this way.

Hopefully this might give you a place to start. For what it's worth, I believe the hope, ambition and resilience are still very much there (even if they're hiding).

rt

Also, I pick spinach. What's your pick?