So overwhelmed

[I_need_a_name]

Hi,

I'm overwhelmed all the time. I work 50+ hours a week and own part of the business I work for. It's a busy, high stress environment with 20+ employees and my office often feels like an airport with a million people flying in and out all day. My husband also works similar hours in a management role. We have a 3 year old. We both have hoarding tendencies, mine are worse. I feel like every minute of every day, the purpose of my life is to do chores/work for someone else. I have been trying to exercise more regularly to see if that will help with my mental health. After about 6 months of exercising 4-6 times a week I've seen no change in my physical state which is deflating, it's fractionally helped my mental health. I read all the articles etc about overwhelm and how to overcome it and I do all the things. I get up early, I make lists, I manage my time, I prioritise. I feel like i know how to do this thing called life, on paper, but still it always feels like I'm just treading water and barely surviving. Before we had our daughter we would renovate our house. Every weekend would be spent progressively making our lives better. Now, the house is falling apart around us and we barely have time to mow the lawn or throw the washing on. Our gutters desperately need replacing, the house is full of dust. We have entire rooms that we can't use because we've put stuff in there to "deal with later" but later never comes. Our garage is overflowing with junk, we literally have pathways through some of the rooms in our house. I used to be a very creative person, I sew, I make cards, I do all sorts of crafty things but I no longer get the time. I have an entire craft room, which i know I'm very lucky to have, but presently it's full of half done projects, stuff everywhere, looks like a bomb has hit it. Every weekend is spent with one of us keeping our daughter occupied (and that's hard, she's not easily occupied) while the other does chores. I wake up, I exercise, I go to work for 11hours, I cook dinner, clean up, bath kid, story, 20mins of TV or book and then go to bed. Every day. I have very little joy, and I feel like it's not because I'm depressed, it's because I don't even have time to do the bare minimum for my work and my family, let alone make progress on the clutter or have any sort of alone/happy time for myself. I'm exhausted and feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water. I would love to have someone to call when i feel like this but I don't. : (

[Peppermintbach]

Hello,

I feel for you...I felt just how stressed and overwhelmed you are through reading your words. Maybe even burnt out...

You have so much going on and so much to do/responsibility, and nowhere near enough time for it all...

What I really get a sense of is pretty much all your time is dedicated to responsibilities and chores, and very little time left over for much else. I feel it’s no wonder you’re sounding so drained and exhausted...that must be so difficult...

I think you’re trying your best in overwhelming circumstances. I imagine running your own business, running a household and taking care of a young child cannot be easy to juggle...

I understand you’re already taking a lot of helpful actions, such as prioritising. But considering the breadth of your responsibilities, I also know it’s still a huge struggle.

I might offer some suggestions & you can see if you like them or not:

• Is there someone who can maybe help babysit your child, even if it’s for a couple of hours, to give you a break? It could be a friend or family member, or if that they’re not option, I wonder if a babysitter could work.
• Sorry, I don’t know what your financial situation is like. But if you happen to have the means, I wonder if you might like to look into hiring people to help with some of the household maintenance work or even some chores. Tertiary students in your local area might be happy to perform household chores for less than what formally run businesses would charge. That said, I understand that’s not an option for everyone though, because of financial limitations...but if it is an option for you, it could really help lighten the load.

I’m thinking about you and feel for how overwhelmed you are...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[I_need_a_name]

Hi Pepper,

Thank you for caring and for replying. You hit the nail on the head, I am really burnt out. I've been trying for a long time to get an extra employee at work so that I can pass some things off and work normal full time hours not these excessive hours. I'm in the process of interviewing but it will still be some months before that employee is competent to run on their own. I really want to hire a house cleaner but I'm so embarrassed at the state of my house, like the main areas are fine but there's whole bedrooms that are literally hoarder bedrooms. I keep saying if I could just get those back to a maintainable state then i would feel comfortable hiring someone to come in and do the cleaning for me. I'd love to do a big cleanup, but unfortunately I am too busy at work atm to take any time off, and it's impossible to do with a 3yr old there on the weekends (and I need my husband to help because it's a really emotional process for me so it's not like he could just take her somewhere and lave me to it). I feel so stuck. I could get someone to mind my daughter but I see her for such a small amount of time so I don't want to see her any less if that makes sense. I feel like there's things that I have to do, like washing/cooking etc, things that I should do to change my life - like decluttering and fixing the house, and then there's the things that I want to do for pure enjoyment. My problem is, I have such a limited amount of time, and I spend all of that getting the necessary things done, and that leaves no time to do the things that I should do, or the things that I want to do. So I'm just permanently burnt out and getting nowhere in terms of changing my situation. Do all working Mums feel like this? What do other people do that works? We all have the same amount of hours in a day but mine seem to be all taken up by chores/work and I don't understand how other people can make it work and I'm over here just drowning. It just feels like this endless cycle of awfulness and I often wonder what's the point of it all? Why would I choose to live a life where I workout (don't enjoy it but feel I must), work, do chores at home, and repeat, from now until what feels like forever. If we do things other than the standard, it's catching up with friends or taking my daughter to a party etc, they're all nice things but they all feel like one more item on my to do list rather than things I would choose to spend my time doing.

[Birdy77]

Hello I_need_a_name, (hello Pepper 😊),

I can feel your feelings-of -overwhelm from here. You have so very much going on and not enough hours in the day.

One of my friends has a similar problem to yours. Her hallway even has a pathway with stacks of stuff on either side. She moved into her house a year ago and she has rooms full of crap to sort out "later". She has 4 kids squeezed into 2 small bedrooms because she is too overwhelmed with items.

She is living in CHAOS right now. There is a writer/life coach person called FLYlady who calls this Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome.

What i am helping my friend to do is organise a storage unit and simply box up anything that can't be dealt with immediately, and pop it into storage "to dealwith later". That way, she doesn't have to make emotional decisions about stuff right now, but it gets it out of her immediate environment so that she can start to take control of her house again.

Could this be an option for you that might help?

I'm just thinking if you could get rid of that extraneous stuff, you could feel a little more under control and maybe feel comfortable to get a cleaner in, etc. At least until you can train your new employee so that you have more time.

You said you wish you had someone to call when you feel like this ... well now you do! You have forum friends who are only a keyboard away.

🌻birdy

[Peppermintbach]

Hello I_need_a_name (& a wave to lovely birdy),

I can only picture how overwhelmed and stressed you must be feeling. Burnout is really tough...

I think the hardest part might be feeling as though you’re constantly treading water, but not really “living.” Just completing endless to-do lists, so it’s no wonder even otherwise enjoyable activities feel like another chore to you..

Thank you so much for explaining about why asking for help to look after your child isn’t something that you want to do. I think that’s completely understandable. Your time is limited enough as it is, so of course you want to cherish whatever moments you have with your gorgeous child....

I really like birdy’s thoughtful suggestion to help you manage the clutter to get your home to a point where you feel more comfortable hiring cleaners 🙂 Perhaps something for you to consider?

As for how parents do it? That is a good question!

I’m not a parent myself, so I’m afraid that I can’t speak from firsthand experience. But purely based on observation, the impression that I get is most parents struggle to manage/do it all, but maybe some of them put on a front at parties, in the “outside world”, etc.

So maybe you’re only catching glimpses of other people’s seemingly “organised” lives. But in reality, much of their lives (in terms of stress and feeling overwhelmed) might actually be very similar to yours...just a thought...

Kindness & care,

Pepper