social anxiety

[bakedbean]

Hi, 

I'm 26 years old and have had a lot of trouble socializing for as long as I can remember. I've never been able to understand how other people do it. I had a lot of trouble going to school from how anxious I was, and have only recently managed to complete a vocational training diploma and a job related to what I studied. I am still trying to study an associate degree part-time, though I'm having a hard time getting through the course. 

I'm not particularly friendly with the people in my classes - most of them are a little bit younger, studying full-time and aren't currently supporting themselves, and from my point of view seem to have a lot more energy and motivation.

I feel out of place at my job as well, because I feel like my 1.5 year education and lack of experience in the field makes me less trustworthy, and I don't know if I'm ever doing the right thing. I feel really unsure of myself and I think that makes getting through a workday even more difficult. I get so tired after work, all I end up doing is lie in bed, and sometimes I start crying for no particular reason. 

At the moment, the only people I have regular contact with is my younger sibling, who I live with, and my boyfriend, who I only see maybe once or twice a week due to me working an early day shift and him working a late night shift.

When I've had friends I spoke to fairly regularly before, I felt like I was making a lot of effort and money into seeing them (hosting lunches where I cooked or arranging meetups) and it burned me out and made me feel so worthless when they didn't seem to care all that much about including me in things they arranged. When we met up they would also make comments about my weight or my hobbies. I think I became somewhat defensive and insecure about myself and am now more reserved. 

Lately I can barely go out and buy the groceries without feeling really anxious. I sometimes notice people looking amused when they see how anxious I am, which makes me feel even less confident. At work, I often stumble over words and have had people tell me not to worry so much, but I don't really know how to calm myself down. 

It isn't even that I can identify what I feel anxious about, it's just that I get really shaky and self-conscious. It's like I feel nervous about going out, and then I go out and have a stressful time, and so I end up feeling even more stressed and reluctant to go out afterwards. I feel so tired from doing basic things and I think I feel really pessimistic about ever finding people I can even be comfortable around, let alone connect with.  I feel like I can't really be a 'normal person.' I don't even know where to start trying to get better, and sometimes I don't even know if it's even worth trying.

[Summer Rose]

Hi bakedbean

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with us.

You have done an amazing job to complete your vocational training and land a job. Enrolment in further study is yet another feather in your cap. Well done to you.

I’m just so sorry that you’ve been battling anxiety throughout. That’s a hard road and your many accomplishments can only be a testament to your determination. But it doesn’t have to be so challenging.  Many people experience anxiety and with the right treatment many improve their wellbeing. It is definitely worth trying to improve your health.

I think seeking professional support to deal with your anxiety would really help. You don’t mention if you’ve had professional support in the past but, if you have, maybe you could reconnect with your therapist. 
If not, the way to access Medicare subsidised appointments with a psychologist is to visit your GP and work with him/her to create a Mental Health Care Plan. Your GP can also recommend a local practitioner to assist you. 

It would also be good to mention your fatigue to your GP. I’m not a doctor, but it could be anxiety related or it could be a physical issue (eg low iron). If it were me, I’d ask for a blood test just to rule things out.
In the meantime, with regard to work, try talking back to your anxious thoughts. Remind yourself that your employer chose you, above all other candidates, for good reason. You’ve done enough study to get the job and everyone starts their professional life with no experience. You are exactly right for the role and remind yourself daily that you deserve to be there.

If you are feeling “shaky”, I’m wondering if you could slip away to a quiet space or the bathroom and try some deep breathing or mindfulness exercises. Just a thought.

Happy to chat more and please feel free to post anytime. 
Kind thoughts to you 

[smallwolf]

Hey... thanks for sharing all that... it really sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot, and I’m really listening.

First off... huge congrats on finishing your diploma and getting a job in your field... that’s a big deal! And with the anxiety prolly telling you other stories, that takes guts and persistence, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

And about work... honestly, if you’ve been hired and you’re still there, that means the people around you think you’re capable... that actually does count for something. I’d say you’re probably doing just fine—maybe even better than you think.

I can also relate to what you said about people telling you to “calm down”... cool, thanks, never thought of that before... people where I used to work would ask me “why do you worry so much?” and I never knew how to answer. It just *is* like that sometimes, and it’s not like you’re choosing to feel this way.

Also... when you mentioned wanting to be a “normal person”... that also struck a chord with me. My psychologist and psychiatrist would ask me “what is normal anyway?” when I said "I just want to be normal". And honestly... I really don’t know. But perhaps, nobody really is?

Anyhoo, I don't want to make this reply too long, so if you want to chat or some ideas regarding anxiety you mentioned in your post... I’m around.

Listening.