Saying Hi & whats going on ?

[Imawombat]

Just saying Hi , And tell you what's going on , Im not going real good . All started last year I injured myself at work leaving me with a condition that has stopped me from working ( now 9 months ) its also wiped out me from doing my favorite hobby . I also ended up in & out of hospital 5 times with a seperate issue but that's all pretty good now but went through a lot .

Ok cut to the chase , Ive suffered depression & anxiety over the years but have been good for quite a few years untill now . Im 58 yo facing having to find either a new career or possibly retire or go on a pension ?

Ive had no financial support , I havn't gone down the path of Workcover as my condition is quite a tricky one to prove it was from my work and here I am still paying work cover - crazy !

But in the mean time Ive become OCD . Every day and now even twice a day I drive quite a ways back to the suburb and house to where I was born , I left there 38 years ago ! All I do is drive around the streets I grew up on and past my old school and past old friends houses etc etc .

Its got out of control , Ive spent $ thousands on petrol over the past 9 months . Ive just started seeing a councilor I asked what the heck is this and I was told its Trauma .

My Anxiety is so bad Im even struggerling to sort out Centrelink online paperwork etc etc .My mind is all over the shop , I go see my councilor this Tues again I hope she can help at present 1 meeting a fortnight is not enough , I was trying to avoid medication but Ive been told its highly recomended that I do . I realize I do have options but the anxiety is making decision making near Impossible , I like to take a holiday but I'm struggerling to even sort that out .

I hope I can get help ?

[blondguy]

Hello Imawombat

Welcome and good on you for having the courage to post too!

I understand the pain/anguish you are going through Wombat. I am also 58!..Yes...really and have been in the same situation and its a awful place to be in.

Firstly....there is no judgement on the forums...ever. Beyond Blue also provide a safe place where we can post where our privacy is concerned. (otherwise...I wouldnt be here)

Everyone is different wombat...My anxiety started in 1983 when I was 23...and it was bad news....couldnt even sit in traffic without an anxiety attack

Can I ask you how long you have been diagnosed with 'Trauma' (same as me...they just put different tags on it)

I am ex corporate and joined the forums in January 2016 after being made redundant and lodging a workcover claim. There are heaps of gentle people that can be here for you wombat 🙂

I have being taking a low dose of a common anti-depressant for 22 years and it helped my thinking...my personal life and at the time my career too. I was also hesitant to go on the meds too....that actually made my depression worse as a result

Great to have you as part of the forum family Wombat!

I hope you can stick around and post (when and if you wish!) I agree that fortnightly counseling is not enough yet you are doing very well by having fortnightly appointments...Good1

My kind thoughts

Paul

[Imawombat]

Thanks Paul ,

I just got told last week that what Im doing is caused by Trauma so only 1 week . Im off to see my local Gp tomorrow and tell them whats going on , they know I have a history of Anxiety but they dont know how bads it's got . I want to really push for help as I feel I need it , Im concerned about going down the rabbit hole , this condition has taken me to some pretty dark places and I can tell my behavior has changed . Ive disconnected from all my friends now as they cannot deal with this stuff they have all pretty good stable lives . Unfortunatly I don't have family so there's no support there and I live on my own . Im pretty into health ( good ) I go to a gym every night its the only thing keeping me sane at present Im lucky Ive got it . Ive really got to start getting support from doctors and centrelink the finacial side of things is causing my anxiety to get worst .

The reason I'm trying to go med free is I remember a few of the side effects one in particular was an increase in sweating .

Last time I had a break from work things spiraled out of control too but I was young enough to get work again and sure enough things improved again . This time things are a bit different Im 58 yo for starters .

I was going better throughout the summer as I was going hiking to help and also working on my house , it was good but now being winter staying indoors is killing me . One thought was to head upto Qld and try and find some work but Im a bit concerned about accomadation the cost and whether the whole thing would be worth it ? I also havn't been up there for nearly 20 years .One one hand I think I can beat this but this OCD is pretty weird going back to where I was brought up every day Im struggerling to break the habbit . 2 weeks ago I got involved in a road rage situation and that confirmed to me how things have got out of control , I basicly lost control .

So here I have paperwork sitting in front of me and for some reason I just cant come to doing it , I avoid it , I take it that's the anxiety talking to me ?

Ive glad I found this place as I havn't been able to tell anyone apart from my councilor how much has been going on. Fortnightly is not enough I have to get more help just for now Or I just say stuff it and go away on a holiday somewhere and try and work it out myself ?

Cheers

[blondguy]

Hi Imawombat

Thankyou for posting back. I am glad you have found the forums too. You are stronger than what you think. My social network has gone to crap after having the long term anxiety followed by depression. I hear you

The anger is a classic red flag that we are having problems. I understand you no worries wombat. This is a difficult and sometimes a dark place to be in. You are not alone where anger (frustration) is concerned

* Good on you for reaching out to your GP....I still mine every 4 weeks for the last two decades..just for a tune

* Taking a break/holiday...A good idea except our anxiety/depression will come with us unfortunately

* The GP's have a better understanding of anxiety/depression nowadays than when I was in my 20's

I am also 58 as mentioned above wombat. Its just my humble opinion through experience with anxiety/depression night sweats...cold sweats....panic attacks...nightmares....the list is endless.

The bad news....It takes determination and a serious commitment to heal...and then keep the counseling going fortnightly . If you can keep your GP (if the dollars allow) on a fortnightly visit and be as blunt as you can with them. This may sound super frustrating yet the end result will be having greater peace of mind 🙂 and weekly contact with a health professional.

The Good News....Anxiety/Depressive symptoms do reduce in severity with frequent ongoing counseling (and meds if prescribed)

I had weekly counseling in the late 1980's for approx 7 months and it worked wonders..

Please dont do what I did wombat.....I put off the counseling and the meds and my situation became worse...because I thought I could self heal.....oops...I was so wrong

You are not alone Wombat....You are very proactive with your health by posting here with us 🙂

Your thoughts/questions are more than welcome wombat. There is no so such thing as a dumb question here!

be gentle to yourself ok?

My best always

Paul

[Imawombat]

Thanks Paul ,

Went and seen the Gp today and got a script for the meds, off to see the councilor tomorrow but Im going to push my thoughts on trying to take a holiday I want to try and break the OCD habit of driving back to my Old house everyday plus Ive noticed ive started the old doona diving sleeping most of the day and only getting up to do the things I have to , that's another sign things have gotten worst .I want to try and go where there's sunshine where I can walk around rather than sleeping inside the house because of cold melbourne winter . Then if I can make it happen gather my thoughts try to improve come back and try and find some work ?

I remember about 15 years ago I went through this and hardly came out of the house all winter only just to get food etc .

Thanks again Paul , Cheers .

[blondguy]

No worries at all Wombat,

Good on you for seeing your doc and getting the script. It may not feel like it at the moment but this is a step towards recovery. The doona diving is a pain as can be a sign of having a 'tired' mind.

You mentioned that you would feel better having a break in the sun...as the saying goes...If it feels good..do it 🙂

Like you mentioned...see how you go and leave any other matters/decisions until you get back

You thoughts or questions are always welcome here Wombat

Great to have you with us!

Paul

[Jigsaw9]

Wombat

I'd like to echo blondguys thoughts and i think he gave a very interesting and personal insight on what he himself went through. Do you have a support network around you? Husband? Family? Friends? Perhaps find a hobby you can occupy your time with rather then constantly going back to where you grew up...

Join a sewing group or the like. You can even go off a totally different tangent and do something like learn a new language! Our mind are very inquisitive hungry things... we must nourish them!

[Imawombat]

Thanks Jigsaw ,

No Unfortunatly I dont have any family left , Im single on my own and have pulled away from friends just at the present due to what Im going through . Unfortunatly my friends are not that compassionate they have never suffered from mental illness several of them have been lucky in life and never had an illness apart from a cold .

Yes again my injury/ condition that I got last year has knocked out my favorite passion of riding motorcycles and I had to sell my bike several months ago .

Ok of to see the councilor shortly my thoughts are to try and go away somewhere to try and break the OCD habit .But with pretty bad anxiety at present making decisions is hard , where to go , how long etc etc all that stuff .

I have to try real hard to break this cycle , going to try and pick up some work if I don't go away regardless of how much it really pays just to try and make a move and get out of the house .

Thanks again

Cheers

[blondguy]

Hi Wombat (and thankyou Jigsaw for your kind and supportive post!)

Just trying to get hold of a Beyond Blue colleague that also has OCD to provide some extra support if thats okay Wombat

When I have been in a dark place I have called 'MensLine Australia' on 1300 789 978 and they have been really kind and non judgemental and were great listeners too.....Just for your info

You are a legend Wombat as I never see you use the word 'fight' with the cycle you are going through..Its taken me over 3 decades to understand that fighting any of my disorders will only exacerbate the symptoms

I can feel the pain in your posts Wombat.

There is no such thing as a dumb question on the forums..I hope you can ask whatever is on your mind

my best always..........and thankyou again Jigsaw for your kind support!

Paul

[geoff]

Hello Imawombat, pleased to welcome you to the forum.

I'm one of those colleagues that also has OCD and unfortunate, had it for 58 years, the same age as you, while I'm 63 and had learned to develop it, now I'm stuck with it.

This reply will be one of many I hope, and I want to join Paul and Jigsaw because there's a lot you have said that intrigues me.

Can I ask the type of injury, maybe it's your back which is always a difficult claim with Workcover, and I've also had a claim with them from 35 years ago and still suffering from it, that's not the point, but your doctor has prescribed medication and if it's antidepressants (AD'S ) then they have changed a lot from 15 years and normally you are given a small dose to begin with and sometimes any side-effects will fade away as your body adjusts.

If they give you terrible side-effects then the doctor will change them as there has been a large amount of different AD's now on the market, and I take an AD that tackles depression and OCD.

Has your doctor diagnosed you, as from what you've told us you have OCD, depression, anxiety and perhaps PTSD, however, I'm not qualified to say, but after years of having it ourselves then it's possible for us to suggest.

I have to go but will get back to you, but before I do, I want to ask you whether or not you are having 'intrusive thoughts' and want to talk with you about your Workcover and certainly discuss this need to drive around your old houses as a need you feel you must do.

If you are up and about then maybe you could reply back to us before I get back in an hour or two, but I will definitely reply.

Best wishes.

Geoff.