Redundancy feels like the final blow

[Rediscovering_strength]

Hi, like others may have experienced my life is not working out the way I had hoped for and I’m now at an all time low and can’t seem to make any progress.

I was once in a strong marriage with 2 happy children and prided myself on being competent. I felt incredibly lucky to have survived a pretty turbulent childhood and be so loved and part of something wonderful.

However the reality is the last 15 years have been horrendous with our eldest child eventually being diagnosed with schizophrenia. The strain on our marriage and family is impossible to describe to anyone who hasn’t experienced this. Am still married but the connection is gone. I feel like I’m living a fake life.

Up till recently, the part of life that kept me grounded and gave me something else to focus on was my work. however that final bit of security and confidence all came crashing down a few months ago when my role was made redundant after 7 years in a job that I was consistently told I was really good at.

The redundancy was so badly done it became an unfair dismissal claim and I received a bit of of compensation however I’m a few years shy of retirement and really struggling to get another job (believe me I’ve cast the net wide and put lots of effort into each application & Interview).

I now feel a total failure in every aspect of my life. my self confidence has plummeted and my anxiety soared. I’m now super anxious about doing things I previously didn’t worry about (remember I prided myself on being super competent).

I’m doing all the things to try and keep it together e,g eating well, exercising etc but dread waking up every morning to the big mess that is my life. I feel like I’m sinking!

i do have a mental health care plan & have previously seen a great psychologist to help deal with issues regarding child with schizophrenia (although a fall out of that child’s MI is other child now struggling with depression etc). As I’m not working I don’t feel that I can spend $ on the high out of pocket costs to go back to that psych.

Apart from what I’m already doing would be interested to hear how others survived what feels like the final blow and how you rediscovered your strength.

[Quercus]

Hello Rediscovering Strength and a warm welcome to the forums.

Your post describes so many difficulties. Even one of those issues alone would be overwhelming so it's not a surprise to me that you're not feeling very well.

Hopefully others who have experienced being made redundant are able to reply and share soon. But I wanted to respond and let you know people are reading and do care about your struggles.

One point that I can relate to as a parent in a family with financial difficulties is putting my needs last. It is understandable that when money is tight our kids come first but caring for ourselves is vital too. It is common here to hear the phrase 'secure your own oxygen mask before helping others' and there is a lot of truth in it.

Is it an option that you could find a bulk billing psych in your area? Even making a long appointment to speak to a bulk billing doctor could be helpful.

When there is illness in the family it is so easy to lose connection. We can get lost in only talking about practical matters and it doesn't help that time and finances mostly go into health care. If you could improve your marriage would that be something you (and your wife) would be willing to make time to work on? There is an agency called Relationships Australia who have an interesting website and offer low cost counselling. It might interest you perhaps to have a read.

There is so much in your post I haven't addressed but I find it easier to focus on one or two things at a time. I hope you return to the forums and keep writing.

There aren't many threads about schitzophrenia but if you look at the section called long term posts there is a thread that might interest you by a lady named Simona.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/long-term-support-over-the-journey/in-so-much-pain-because-of-mood-swings-(schizoaffective)

Hope to talk to you again if you wish to.

Nat

[Wyandotte]

Wow, that's really tough. Our lives are made up of so many individual components and yet when something like this happens it topples quickly.

There are so many reasons why you were successful and confident, not only because of your work or your relationships. Only some of this has changed. You will piece it all together and understand the loss without losing quite so much of yourself. I really feel for you