Owed to Solitude Part 2

[amd1953]

Life just keeps getting better all the time for amd1953.   Mood swings, depression. anxiety, persecution complex and a perpetual desire to scream my head off.   Plus, I think I have lived my life with something akin to ADHD.   That would explain everything.   Well, most things.   Harking back to my childhood, I was far too garrulous for my own good.   Many's the clip around the ear from various teachers who found an easy way to shut me up.   For a while, that is.   Of course, that was back in the fifties and sixties when teachers were probably encouraged to use corporal punishment to transform your character into something more manageable.   No one in my family ever hit me but they probably wanted to.   They would just lock me in the cupboard under the stairs when things got a bit heated.   I used the time in there well because that is where all of my books were.   Now, I am lucky to see the page itself let alone what is on it.   But I keep telling myself that everything will be OK.   I hope so for my sake and everyone who is forced to listen to me.

amd1953

[Sophie_M]

Hi amd1953, Thank you for sharing this so honestly. There’s a lot of depth in what you’ve written.

Living with mood swings, anxiety, and that constant internal tension you described can be really exhausting. Thank you for sharing what you have been reflecting on through your earlier years and how some of those experiences may still be shaping how things feel now. Being shut away or silenced as a child can stay with a person in ways that aren’t always obvious at the time.

There is a real sense of humour and self-awareness in your post, even while things feel difficult. That line about telling yourself things will be okay. Sometimes holding onto even a small thread of hope like that can matter more than it seems.

If things feel heavy or you’d like someone to talk things through with, you’re always welcome to reach out to the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636. They’re there 24/7 and can listen without judgement.

You’re very welcome to keep sharing here too. There are people in the community who will understand parts of what you’re going through.

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[SucculentQueen]

Thanks amd, I wasnt able to find Owed To Solitude Part 1 but I enjoyed part 2, that quiet humour in your observations and memories.

Teachers have taken a while to evolve that's for sure. In the 80's I remember the chalk dust puffing off of the heads of hyperactive boys as the teacher swung around and threw her duster at whoever was unable to sit still. She'd send kids to the corner - always boys- and I'm sure it was all quite shame inducing for those 7-8 year olds. Many of them just kept on playing up from the corner, smiling towards their friends etc until they were out in the corridor. If those boys were bored to death by teaching styles back then I don't blame them. I remember when white boards came in around '88 they just graduated to throwing textas until throw things at kids wasn't allowed. I'm laughing now but what terrible examples teachers were in showing us how to react in unhinged ways.

As for home life, isnt it great they don't build houses with cupboards under the stairs anymore.  

[amd1953]

Greetings SucculentQueen,

Apologies for not being able to find my original Owed to Solitude.   It shows up on my list of discussions so I'm not sure what is going on there.   The references to my school years and the cupboard under the stairs cover my life in England.   I have commuted a couple of times from there to here.   I'm not sure what teachers are like these days.   Probably just as well.   Anyway, thank you for reading my post and for your kind comments.

Regards amd1953

[amd1953]

Hello Sophie,

Very kind of you to read my previous post and also for your very kind words of support.   I try to inject a little bit of humour into most things.   I don't take life too seriously.   I like to go with the flow as they say in the classics.

I hope that my constant chatter doesn't upset too many people.   I am sure they'll tell me if I do.

Regards

amd1953