Owed to Solitude

[amd1953]

I owe a lot to my current situation in life.   In fact, it's probably as close to heaven on earth that I will ever get.   I've served my apprenticeship in the School of Hard Knocks.   It was actually a life sentence with no time off for good behaviour.   I think it was Mr. W. Shakespeare who said "All the world's a stage".   And that is precisely what we are - actors on a stage.   Some of us play our parts really well and fool the audience into actually believing what we say we are.   Then there are those who find it impossible to be anything other than what they are.   Not good actors at all.   That's where I make my entrance.   But I don't play to the audience any more because it is a complete and utter waste of time and effort.   Now that I have settled into retirement, I can stop the acting and the pretence and be whatever I choose to be.   It's a great pity that we have to spend the greater part of our lives playing to an audience.   Some people get away with turning their backs on the bright lights and sink into blissful anonymity.   This is what I am trying to do now so that I can gather a little happiness around me before I drop off the perch.   When I think back, I seem to have spent so much time trying to keep everyone else happy and giving in to do things when I don't want to.   I never had the nerve to say no so I guess I was a real pushover.   I think it's time to turn the page on the script and write my own dialogue for a change.   Or is that asking too much?   I'm not really sure myself.   Maybe I am expecting too much.   Shame on me eh?   But there will come a time when I run out of choices and that will be the end of it.   The curtain comes down on another production.   I only hope it doesn't come too soon.   If we do what we want to when we want to do it, we are called selfish.   I have nothing left to give.   It's all gone.   The audience have gone home and the stage is a dusty platform waiting for the next deception.   Sorry, production.

[mmMekitty]

Hello amd1953, & well stated/written. I am learning, too, that at some point in life when I am considering what's in store for me, as I grow older. What are the most important things which I want in my life?

While we are capable ofmaking reasonably good decisions about how we live our lives, I think we owe it to ourselves to try.

There's a high chance I won't get most of what I want, no matter how I think it's not a lot to ask, & what I want would help me to live a fuller & healthier life. I am trying awfully hard to achieve something better than I have now.

Given the life you've had, I don't see you throwing in the towel, if only to raise a finger to convention.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Mark Z.]

Hi amd 1952,

I'm sorry for your challenge in the past, but I'm happy that you're in a place where you can be true to yourself and focus on your own happiness, finally.

It's time to think about what truly matters to you and what you want to prioritize in this phase of your life, such as personal hobbies, relationships, or new experiences.

It's time to stay with people you love, connect with like-minded people who share your values and interests. such as joining clubs or community groups, attending workshops or classes, or simply engaging in conversations with friends and family.

And it's also time to take good care of yourself, prioritize your physical and mental well-being. 

Enjoy the journey, you have the power to shape your own narrative.

Mark

[Doolhof]

hi amd1953,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us all. I enjoyed the way your wrote and expressed yourself.

Life can feel like we are being dragged along by other people's expectations and maybe by our own misconceptions of how life should be, how we interpret the needs others have on us and when considering the way we were raised compared to a changing world.

We do have choices and options. There may be occasions and reason that will hinder us from advancing, to using the abilities we have been given to enhance our own lives the way we desire.

I am trying to make the most of each day. If I am unable to do that for what ever reason, I have the opportunity to accept that, to move on and maybe try something different.

I wish you well on your journey of self discovery. 

[Emotions26]

Hello amd1953

I am new and written so much to several already.

Yes I have lost most of it and forgotten where it is.

I found your piece of art by chance like I find everything on here.

I love it.

I love your analogy. I feel a similar sense for me always wearing a mask when working and living generally within the worlds of my family and extended family.

I love depth in people.

Can I be brave and say to you that it is never too late to be true to ourselves.

Some never get there.

Even if for one day for me that is magical.

You have left the productions behind that have served you until now.

Now the world is an open stage - an outdoor theatre - an ampitheatre

No more curtains.

Your choices will always be endless as they are yours.

Can I come and sit and enjoy some of your discussions - hear more of what is a very interesting mind?

I too know how it feels "having nothing left to give"

That is what has brought me to BB

Now I have found you and your piece of art

No more deceptions - interesting faux pas there - productions

I do not mean to come across as pretentious; all knowing or pushy.

Only reply if you feel comfortable.

I wanted to let you know that you have so much to offer in your writing. You no longer need to give.

Write away and others can share your gift.

Thank you

[amd1953]

Hello and thank you for taking the time to comment on my post.   I appreciate it.   It is very rewarding to receive such high praise.   Very humbling.   Someone once told me that I was too soft and sensitive.   I think it was meant as a criticism more than anything else.   However, that kind of negativity has never been able to prevent me from trying to be who I am.   Sometimes, that is not obvious even to me.   Books often get judged by their covers and people often suffer the same fate.   I usually get written off before I start so I tend to keep busy in the shadows of the wilderness.   It's safer out there.   

[Emotions26]

Hello amd1953

I found your reply earlier then lost it again

I have been looking for your post but could not remember the title or your username I believe they are called.

I have also been told for the better part of my life that I am too sensitive; feel too deeply; think too much; dwell on things and even that I am the deepest person that they have ever met.

I felt as though I had somehow landed on the wrong planet.

I grew up being told that I was different and to stop asking so many questions.

My thinking in response was “different to whom or what?”

I have never been a group person preferring one to one conversations with some people.

I am more a listener than a talker but will spend more time finding out about another than talking about myself. 
I hope that you do come out of the wilderness every now and again and say hello.

I would be interested in learning a little more about, who you now choose to be.

Ironically I started a thread somewhere called Being me yesterday. I am a new member. Quite obvious I imagine.

Look forward to hearing from you should you feel like having a discussion.

Emotional26

[amd1953]

Hello Emotions26,

A lot of what you wrote sounds very familiar to me.   Especially the aversion to groups of people.   I have always felt alienated from society which makes life extremely difficult when you have to attend school or hold down a job.   If you could imagine a wild animal in a cage being constantly poked and provoked, you would come close to what my life has been like.   I dare say there are others with identical or similar experiences, but I have no knowledge of them.   As I think I have a tendency to annoy everyone I meet, I try to stay out of their way and mind my own business.   Besides, it allows me to think and write without having to make excuses for being alive.   I used to be a talker and a listener but the two are not always mutually exclusive.   I have a tendency to say what I think and that usually gets me into trouble.   Well, I don't claim to be perfect.   My grandmother once told my fiancée that I wasn't very exciting so that might allow an insight into the integrity of my family.   They made the Addams family seem quite normal.   Well, I've waffled on for too long and I hope nothing I have said offends you or anyone if it comes to that.   I try to be an open book but some of my pages are missing and I don't have an index.   I allow others to decide whether I am worth reading or not.   

Regards.

[Emotions26]

Sorry amd1953

I wrote  a lengthy reply and then in trying to edit lost it 

There was a message auto saved and I pressed load

 nothing

I will have to come back tomorrow as have not started cooking dinner yet

Speak soon

look after yourself

[Emotions26]

Ps 

 Do not think the worse

I look forward to writing to you.

You do not need to have excuses f or being alive.

You have an interested audience in what you have to say.