Not really a newbie- just never posted

[Gower]

Well I signed up to beyond blue back in 2016, and just never posted anything. I would hover around the threads but never saw anything I thought I could comment on, so never did.

I don't believe in wasting words, people treat them with too little value, so I don't like commenting unless I can actually state something valuable.

I'm here now, because I'm in trouble. I have no family support, no friends I have a dog, a cat and a job. These are the things I pass my time with. I think I'm going to be losing my psychiatrist soon, the psychologist I have is new (4 sessions so far) and a over the telephone psychologist. And I am going nowhere, stuck and I've run out of ideas. I pay for both psychologist myself no government support.

I can't go to hospital again, they are a sledge hammer psychiatry and are to loud and too thick to listen.

I have little hope, I've search for a "cure" for me for YEARS (more than 20 years now), and nothing really works, short term fixes but no real change. I still can't tell you what I want, except I don't want to be "this".

This isn't sudden mood swing, I have been voicing this for 18 months now.

No medication has worked either, I've been diagnosed historically as an empathic, psychotic, anxiety, depression, DPB traits, CPTSD and High Functioning Autism. And frankly I'm tried of the labels they only comfort the doctors.

My problem is people, your loud, you lie. I can see you do it honestly your body language is a dead give away.And I can't trust you, you don't mean to but you constantly hurt me. You all scream all the time, oozing out your emotions everywhere you go.

Humans are meant to be apart of something we are designed to be in a group (genetic or otherwise) I hoped I could be apart of something but it's never really happened.

This society was not made for me, I thought once that, that was okay, that I was meant to support but not be apart of, you know just "pop" into peoples lives when they need a classic critical thinking problem solver and "pop" out again when the jobs done. But no, not like I am, you need training to do those sort of things properly and I struggle with comprehension and by extension any form of formally education (didn't even finish High School)

I go to session hoping that something, any something, an idea will happen but no disappointment every week, every time. They know I've told them. I feel like I don't work hard enough but then not kind enough to myself and either way it's punishment.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Gower,

Thanks for having the courage to post here for the first time today. It sounds like you've been struggling for a long time and we're sorry to hear this. You sound like a resourceful person as you have been able to access supports and have been seeking methods of improving the situation.

We understand that it must be tough not having support from family or friends. It might be helpful to join a support group to try and build a social network in your area.​​​You can find information on support groups available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

Can we ask if you will be starting with a new psychiatrist after you lose your current one? You mentioned that you aren't sure what it is that you want. Exploring options of how you would want your life to look, and how you would like to feel in your life might help you to then communicate this to your psychologist and psychiatrist who can help you to find new ways of improving things.

Many of our members have felt similar and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help you get through this tough period.

[Gower]

Tried support groups none in my area for only woman in my area last time I looked, one that had promise lost it's funding so.....

And the link you gave me, the link to supports groups in my area doesn't work......

Getting the last psychiatrist was hard enough, hell the last physiologist lead me to five different places. I'll have to try an find a female psychiatrist who isn't going to write me off as "just another borderline" is difficult.

Like I said I value words, they all have been told repeatedly about the situation plainly and articulately.

I don't feel much never have so how am I supposed to know what I can be. Thanks but I've been through this conversation before and I dislike repeating myself when I have already stated clearly enough.

I know you people mean well but you don't value my words clearly, you don't mean it, it just the way it is.

[Croix]

Dear Gower~

I'll join Sophie in welcoming you to being a poster, rather than a reader.

First off I'm unsure of the mental health condition symptoms you face -irrespective of label. You give quite a detailed description of the failures of the health system, and probably the diagnostic way of dealing with peple, ok probably accurate

Incidentally that link does work, I've just tried it, and it does give a very brief listing for each state, marginally useful, but only as a set of starting points. One of the problems is that trying to keep such a listing up to date and comprehensive is a mammoth task -and due to funding cycles is forever changing.

Your own detective work may bear more fruit. I ended up being most surprised at the number and variety of supports within my state once I started making serious enquirers on the phone or by email.

As for your own state of mind all I can really find is

" You all scream all the time, oozing out your emotions everywhere you go."

Maybe I'm dense and should be able to work it out but cannot, would you like to help me in understanding what is wrong? It may be something similar to my history, or something else, either-way I'd like to talk more

Croix

[Mishmo]

Hi Gower,

WoW, I am new here and just reading through posts, not many engaged me. But reading yours made me realise I am not alone, thank you.

I have had many of the same issues, including the pop in pop out in peoples lives including the professional helps. Just lost my last psychologist, which has been rather annoying, but thats how my life rolls.

Why is there so much 'so called' help and 'apparent' professionals out there, but never the right help, nor a professional who truly knows what they are doing?! I feel that constantly. Like they are just referring to Google for the wrong answers, as all just gets lost in translation of mental health *shrugs* its so easy to just give up (which i try so hard to not do)

Okay I ramble and my words I feel go unheard anyways, and also one to just be shrugged off by all, or put in a corner alone, as I am "different"... or maybe I am the only "NORMAL" one?!

Okay sorry. I will stop rambling. I just wanted to say you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. I too feel and think very much the same and just confused by everything and everyone. Trust is non existent anymore. I don't know who to believe anymore.

Sorry for oozing my emotions or words... i hope they are not too loud or irritating.

I hope we both find a longer term "fix/change" ASAP... and the help that actually helps *shrugs*

I hope your dog and cat are well and keeping you comforted.

TC, Mishmo

[geoff]

Hello Gower, can I firstly say that you've been signed up since 2016, that's great and any of the threads you've read have in some way encouraged to you to still be with the forum, maybe you're looking for the answer to what you're suffering from.

The replies a person adds from their own experience may give the poster a spark, something that had not been considered, none of us are qualified psychologists, psychiatrists or doctors where they have to combine past and present experiences together, then decide on what they believe will help you.

Ask anybody what the weather conditions will be like for the day, who do we believe, the forecast, our knowledge, the radar site or take it hour by hour, what do we believe will happen and how many times are they wrong.

Trust and belief by what one of these professionals says to you in regards to mental illness are to provide a diagnosis, but it's not as easy as that, because if they diagnose you with social anxiety then the number of categories that stem from this per person is enormous.

All we are doing is to give you ideas that make you think, no one except for yourself can overcome this, only yourself, medication can assist, and no one can tell you that an apple tastes beautiful until you've bitten into it.

Take care.

Geoff.