Thats how I feel.
Been a long 30 years, realised at 18 that I had a depressed nature and just wasn't like those around me. I've run the same race as most here, rise and fall, on meds, off meds, pshyc sessions, yoga, meditation. In the last15 years, divorce, lost my home, pets, move to a big city, remarried, immigration to Australia had amped it all up so that I have chronic pain (also had small brain bleed), confusion and thumping, bursting feeling in head. All anxiety, awful thoughts which I see on this forum called intrusive thoughts. Can vouch for how what I know now as a mixed mental unwellness has made me physically sick. Am able to work part time now, fell from fancy corporate job in city that helped my decline 5yrs ago. I feel isolated socially, struggling to maintain a 2nd marriage and my kids think I'm mad and eccentric from way back. Am hoping to turn the corner thanks to reading so many brave peoples posts, realising I am not alone. Next step would be to get onto mental health program through my Gp, not the 5 EPC Medicare, as I cannot afford the gap. In the past I have had very "iffy" counselling, and some very expensive private sessions which were fantastic. But also embarrased by the stigma. The time is now to admit that I have more than vague mildmdepression, but anxiety, ptsd and voices and images that cause me great discomfort and anxiety. I have always felt inadequate and never able to make the grade. I have very accomplished brother and sister and I am the home maker, baker and earth mother type. My mother comes from a family wracked with mental problems and seeing her now old and still unfullfilled and untreated scares me - the waste of good life and many wretched years, not to discount the impact it has on other family members.
