Newbie-unfilled and unmotivated

[Santasitsatawindow]

Hi everyone,

When I was younger everything seems so linear and I knew what life would look like and who I would be.

Now I see myself as wasted potential, nearing 30 with nothing that means anything. If I tell people this they say you chose this; particuarly travel over a career. Even though I know I've had some good times, thus drifter and floater of a person isn't deep down what I want.

Moving and having jobs that have made me feel less than a person means I've always felt on the outside. I just run. I can tell people it's the life I want but I know I choose it because I don't feel like a capable adult.

I've no grounding anywhere or family.

I'm making changes ie quit a horrible job with a bully boss, getting my health sorted and enrolling in fuether study...but I don't see the point when I feel like it's for show.

I'm sick of apogising for my exsistence and downplaying my capabilities to tey and be accepted.

I'm sick of hating people.

Now I'm just lonely. I don't want to be me. I don't know how to change for real.

thanks for reading

[Krizz1991]

❤️

I connected sooo much with your post.. so many things i nodded my head to.. and while I can't offer any professional support.. i can tell you you are so not alone... and I'm thinking of you, good luck with the studies 🙂

[Santasitsatawindow]

Hey thanks Krizz. Thankyou seriously.

I guess I always was a high achiever as a kid and through uni and then somewhere I lost it and what Im doing and have done is at odds with who I thought I was. I was supposed to be something.

I know my ed my depression, long term weed smoking ( which I stopped about a year ago) and lack of assertiveness has done something to the yest I once had.

I also donot feel likean adult but I alsl feel so old. I always feel ill equipt to be an adult.

I'd like to hear about you though and why you feel like this and how your getting by. Would be nice to share.

Thanks again 🙂