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Goose83 · ‎10-04-2016

Hi all. I'm 33 years old. I would say i have been fighting my anxieties for at least 3 years. Being male i have ignored my feelings thinking "i'll be alright I'll hey over it" I'm starting to fight a losing battle. Over the last 6 months it's been getting well out of control. My anxieties toy with my emotions something fierce. I have become very angry all the time not at anybody but more myself. I can't control aggression becoming very short fused. My ability to problem solve has been more reliant on people who work for me. My workers can't find out that I'm suffering. Game face on 95% of the day. Can't relax force myself to play with the kids when i get home from work when all i want to do is come home from work and lie on the couch. My oldest son has aspergers so I'm always conscious of his hightend anxiety levels. My poor wife as said before the last 6 months have been hell. She has been the strong one protecting the kids from my emotions again my game face is on all the time. This year alone we have had 3 deaths in my family within 5 weeks.

I have just started my road to recovery i hope, got my second psychologist appointment on Tuesday not on meds yet haven't seen the GP. My fear is once i do start meds and see the GP it becomes real. I don't think I'm ready for that yet

Zeal · ‎10-04-2016

Hi Goose,

Welcome to the forum!

It's good that you now recognise you've been ignoring your emotions, and have found the courage and will to seek help. That's great! Hopefully your psychologist can be a source of support. Seeing your GP from time to time for check-ups and general advice is valuable.

It sounds like you've suffered by forcing yourself to keep the anxiety and turmoil hidden within yourself. It's good if personal issues don't negatively affect work. However, this is unachievable if help is not sought from another source. Thankfully, you have recently started seeing a psychologist. The anxiety you're experiencing is already real and out in the open, as you have acknowledged it and are seeking professional support. Taking medication is essential for some. You may be someone who doesn't need medication though. It depends on the nature and severity of your condition, on your biological makeup, and whether this is a causal or contributing factor to your illness.

It's great that your wife is able to take extra responsibility while you're going through a rough patch. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and can happen to the strongest and most able of people. Mental illness doesn't discriminate. You're a great father to prioritise interacting in play with your kids so highly. Not all fathers can or will do this.

I am so sorry to hear about the three deaths in your family - that must have been overwhelmingly hard. Make sure you tell your psychologist about this at some point.

I hope you continue to see your psychologist, and make an appointment with your GP sooner rather than later.

Best wishes,

SM

geoff · ‎11-04-2016

hi Goose, although I don't like calling you that because it's demeaning and that's not want we want you to feel like.
I think that you have sort off answered your own post by saying 'My fear is once i do start meds and see the GP it becomes real', but you already know that this is real, but trying so hard to look after your kids, your wife and your employees as you must have your own business, but with this does come plenty of anxieties, it always does when you are self employed, making sure creditors are paid, customers pay their bill amd filling out all the tax forms, boy it becomes a real headache, so life can be difficult, but don't feel as though you are denying how you feel, because it's real and that's what you're trying to cope with.
Never let that by taking any medication as a form of weakness, because it's not, you would take a headache tablet without any doubt, no questions asked, so medication from your doctor does exactly the same, just as blood pressure, cholesterol or any vitamen tablets, again without any doubt, so take it as a form of getting you back on track, and if you like no one needs to know.
Please taker credit for what you are struggling with, it's hard, but don't try and push a wheelbarrow full of concrete uphill. Geoff.