New to Beyond Blue

[Cocoloco]

Hello,

I've suffered from depression for a few years now and recently been experiencing anxiety attacks.

About a year about I experienced some major life changes ... I was in a emotionally abusive relationship with someone i trusted and thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with. I felt stuck in a situation and I didn't know who to turn to or how to escape and i started suffer from major depression and anxiety.

I finally had to courage to walk out of that situation and started a new life, which i couldn't of done without the support of my family and friends. Although i now feel free from everything, my past has caused me so much pain i still feel today. I have moments where i want to give up on everything, where i feel like I'm useless. I go to sleep at night wishing i could just escape from everything, and even when I'm surrounded by people that love me, i always feel like I'm alone.

It has gotten to the stage where i have isolated myself from my family and friends and i push away the people i love the most. I have very dark days where i shut myself out from everything, i can't even go to work and social events without having major anxiety attacks. I can be sleeping next to someone i love and still cry myself to sleep. I've always struggled to talk about how i feel, even writing this post has taken me a lot of courage.

This whole forum thing is very new to me, but i hope to gain help from others who have experienced something similar to myself.

[blondguy]

Hello Coco

A Warm Welcome to the BB Forums....My name is Paul...

I am sorry that you are in a bad place right now Coco. I have had severe anxiety for many years and it is awful to have. Firstly...well done for having the courage not only to post but to have the ability to start a new life.

You are still healing Coco...Its a pain but it does take time unfortunately.....I also feel (and am) isolated here in the southern subs of melb. I also push people away which I have learned is a part of my depression...it still feels really bad Coco. Feeling like you are isolated when you are surrounded by even people you love is part of this blanket of depression/anxiety that covers us from the 'outside' world.

There is some good news Coco...Anxiety does lessen in its severity over time...I understand where you are coming from...My first anxiety attacks were severe and I was terrified....in 1983. And now the depression has taken over which I am dealing with even though the anxiety had faded away....

If I may ask you Coco....do you have a good GP or a psychologist that you have been seeing? Since 1983 I have found that regular visits to a therapist or a good GP can really let you build a foundation on which you can heal.

Coco...you are not on your own here..I only joined as a member in January this year...so I am a new to speaking from my heart on here the same as you. The site is strictly moderated and controlled for our privacy...so we can have a good 'vent' if we wish to of course. I also have huge problems with socializing...I am happier watching an old DVD and choose to do so while I heal.

You are an intelligent and well articulated person Coco and kudos to you for having the courage to post.

I hope you can get back to us

My Kindest Thoughts for you

Paul

[geoff]

dear Coco,I'd like to welcome you to the site.
Being in an abusive relationship, whether it's physcial or emotional doesn't really matter, although we never hope that someone will be hurt to the extreme, as is not anyway that you should be in this relationship, but I am just so pleased that you did walk out.
What has happened is going to create PTSD for you and I suggest that you get professional help, starting with your doctor, because there will be too many bad memories of what's happened, and all of these are going to affect you like sleeping, eating and going to work, as it's not easy to overcome but you can't do this by yourself.
You have to try and remodel yourself and by saying that I mean that you have to try and do things that you like but have never done before, change your rountine, try and develop new hobbies, but try not to continue along the same path you have been on while being in this abusive relationship, because if you don't or can't change then these awful memories will always follow you around. Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hi Coco

I was just seeing how you are traveling.

Geoff has some great advice above....He has been on the BB Forums for a long time and being new I always have a read of his advice. It always helps me out a great deal.

My kind thoughts for you Coco

Paul