New & Struggling

[Gravity]

Hi,

I've been a forum member for a while but never really posted. Just a quick introduction. I'm a 38 year old guy, who has been battling depression off and on for the last 10 or so years. This time of year has seen my depression come back in a big way. I usually keep quiet about how I feel, I don't have a great deal of friends and those that I do have are typically struggling with their own stuff. I haven't been on AD's for over 18 months as they weren't really working for me, I'm starting to think I may have to go back to that. I'll be booking an appointment with my doctor soon to discuss options. I know I also shouldn't compare myself to others but I've found myself doing that a lot more in the last 6-12 months, I've been single for over 2 years and it seems that everyone around me is happily partnered and seems to have their lives together and are buying houses, having babies etc. All makes me feel like I'm missing out on living by being stuck in a rut. I'm hoping this year will bring bigger and better things but in all reality I'm finding it really hard to be positive about the future.

[White_Rose]

Dear Gravity

Hello and welcome. If you have been a member for a while I expect you have explored the site and read many of the posts. I hope so and that you used the suggestions given to others. Have you found it helpful to read the stories of others? I think it is reassuring to know there are others who feel as you do.

Comparing ourselves, usually to our detriment, is a favourite habit of people with depression. We want to be happy and look at others who appear to be happy with a degree of envy. The reality is often different as we all tend to wear masks no matter what problems we have. But it does feel as though we are missing out on life to see others the same age forming families.

I have been on my own for 15 years since I left my husband. It's been a rocky road and I also would like to have a partner. Instead I have four children, plus partners, and eight grandchildren. It ought to be enough but it's not the same as being with someone special who also wants to be with you.

Being stuck in a rut does make us feel useless and unwanted. So it seems the answer is to get out of the rut and see what happens. I'm sure you know all the answers about deciding your life goals, joining with others who have the same hobbies/interest, going to social events. Yep! So the missing ingredient is doing it.

And of course, go back and see your doctor. Try different options. Have you tried joining a GROW group? Look it up and see what you think. www.grow.org.au

Have a go and keep writing in here.

Mary

[Jay-Kay]

Hi Gravity, just thought I'd come and say hello, as I am new here and I noticed you posted on the first day of the year - good for you for posting, I think it suggests readiness for more interaction or stepping forward. I agree with Mary, above, that we often compare ourselvesunfavourably to others, but for myself, I sort o turned that around. I feel like I had sort of given up in defeat, so when I looked at others, I allowed myself to grieve a bit, at my losses and the hurts I had suffered, but I also told myself - "If they can have the good experiences of life, well so can I ...." and I start to give myself permission

I hope this makes sense. I wish you good steps forward, one small step at a tie and big yourself up!

[Starwolf]

Hi Gravity,

Appearances are deceptive, as much of our selves lies below the surface. If you watch the news, you will have noticed the bewilderment of close relatives and neighbors when someone they think they knew well is suddenly arrested for a major offense or does something "out of character".  "Fairy-tale couples" do break up. Often, no one saw it coming, no one noticed the physical and emotional abuse that went on behind the scenes. Victims and perpetrators know how to keep it there....

Few of us know ourselves well as staying on the surface feels more comfortable. Never mind truly knowing anyone else.The truth is, our depths can be pretty scary. Many of us had rather not go there and immerse ourselves in a  world which feels alien to all we know (and so can't handle). Stirring the mud at the bottom can uncover many surprises, some good, some bad. Sometimes a big rock on the surface world breaks off and disturbs all levels of our private underworld as it falls. It causes disturbance on its way down, some stuff we didn't know existed bubble up to the surface. At times, we all can do with diving instructions !

Discussing your medication with your GP is a brilliant idea. We all are individuals who react/respond differently to different things (like medication for example) and situations. Like with all else in life, finding what suits our specific needs is often a matter of trial and error. Well done for giving it another try. And speaking of taking a plunge, I applaud your decision to write your first post.

I wish you all the best.

[Gravity]

Thank you for all the feedback and positive words. I'm still struggling to make sense of a lot of things going on in my life but hope to put a lot of these positive things into practice.

thanks again

[White_Rose]

Hello Gravity

Good to hear from you again. I am so pleased you are trying to put positive measures into your life. I hope it all goes well.

If you want to talk to us at any time, please write in. There will always be someone here.

Mary