New member, lonely.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, I'm Tayla & I'm 20. I'm new to this BB Forums as of yesterday & someone recommended I post in the welcome thread, so here goes. I'm a bit anxious & still learning to properly use this so please bare with me, my apologies.

I made a post of my own which I'll link, so please check it out & reply if you can, I'd appreciate it.

I live in a small country town in Regional Victoria, it has about 4000 or so people, a town where everyone knows everyone pretty much, except me. I like the scenery (nice walking tracks & a lake) & nice bird life, & its' peaceful, but thats about it really. Some days the loneliness & isolation really gets to me. Everyone is 3-5 hours away & I don't talk to anyone or see anyone. I even joined groups on Facebook for things that I like such as bands, but that can be good & bad since people can be mean unfortunately.

I called my local triage & the guy on the phone was quite rude which made me upset since it's my first time contacting a triage. He refused to talk to me & let me come in basically, I don't know why, I was polite & just looking for support. I'm seeing my GP & Psychiatrist who I'm happy with, especially my Psychiatrist. It's a while in between appointments with my Psychiatrist but I understand that he's busy, but it's worth it I suppose.

I went to the local Headspace Centre & the manager & group members (I have no idea what the group was supposed to be for, I got nothing at all out of it), made fun of my mental illnesses so I complained & she lost her job, of course I haven't been back & I won't. eHeadspace have also always been rude to me as in pushing me away & so forth. I understand they have lots of people to talk to but that's unacceptable. My Psychiatrist agrees with all of this.

I just have my parents which yes, they're supportive. I don't have any friends, I see everyone else out with friends & I wish I had that even doing basic things like watching TV together. I can't study for a few reasons because it's super expensive for one, & the free courses I found it says you need certain things & had to a previous course etc. I don't know why.

I've asked everywhere here for jobs, volunteering etc. Everyone says no, I've asked in person & said I'm willing to learn. The groups here such as sewing, etc. I'm told are for people in their 40s, dunno why. I feel so discriminated against. I'm doing my best & everything I can, it's so hard. I colour in, listen to music & walk my dog.

Please reply, I'd appreciate it a lot.

[Guest_4643]

Hey Felix, nice to hear from you again, thanks for replying again!

And thanks for letting me have your 2nd post too haha, you're too sweet.

Wow I never thought of it in that way, how you think its awe inspiring that I've tried to do so much despite what I've gone through, thank you so much, that means so much to me, just like the rest of your kind words.

I guess I've tried my best. I agree with you about the people in the town, I have no idea why they're like that, yeah there's a couple of young people and nice people but it's only at high school in the actual town, or even surrounding places, which I don't go to anymore (thank goodness). I suppose I'll keep trying, we'll see.

Yeah I guess you'd be right about how you described AVPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder). To be honest I'd never heard of it either until I was diagnosed with it a while ago. Basically one symptom I always remember is this:

Craving all this attention from everybody and anybody - online, in person (strangers and people you know such as family, ect). but then not wanting anyone's attention and just wanting to be alone and as the name suggests, avoid anything including interaction.

Also thinking the worst such as the fear of not being liked, and more things, which is also paranoia and depression. I guess it's a mix of all of those diagnoses sort of.

Don't be sorry about all of the questions, you're not bombarding me and you're not ignorant and nosy at all, not one bit. I like talking to you! I mean we've only briefly spoken but I enjoy chatting with you and I hope we can chat more and support one another.

Yeah I don't really understand why there's not much here for young people either where I live as much as I've tried everything.

Thank you so much for saying that you'll be my online friend, that means so much to me also. I'm happy to be your online forum friend too, I'd love that! I agree with you, it's hard for young people, including me, which is sad. but it's sad for anyone anywhere in the world who struggles with anything whether it's mental illnesses or not.

No problem about you posting about yourself or not, that's entirely up to you if you feel comfortable. If you do though I'll check it out. And hey, don't be silly, you and your troubles are valid! And of course you're worth other people's love and attention, including mine, which you have, always!

Don't worry I understand your paranoia, it's alright. I'm sorry you're feeling that way though.

Love & hugs, forever friends

Tayla

[felix mendelssohn]

Hey Tayla,

Hope all is well with you - I've been pretty flat out with uni starting back up again for the year. I'm trying not to fall behind before I even start.... So that's my excuse for not getting back to you sooner.

Hmmm, so with the AVPD it sounds like maybe you appreciate the validation that comes with human-social contact, but find the stress and vulnerability that comes with maintaining relationships unbearably intense? I'm sure there's loads more to it, but does that sound about right on a very basic level?

Just to share my own experiences on that issue, I take a very long time to trust anyone and develop genuine friendship. At the same time, I am very disinterested in 'small talk' - instead I like to talk about really juicy, often personal subject matters. As a result, I either come across as very intense when I'm getting to know a new person and put them off, or alternatively aloof and not interested in chatting because I'm not giving much back in small talk. The friendships that I do make I will often obsess over. Then if I somehow sense that they are not investing the same effort/energy into the friendship, I will feel betrayed and manipulated and seclude myself without them having any idea of what's going on. Ultimately, I too am lacking a lot of the validation that comes from human interaction. So I don't know if that is any way similar to what you're going through with the AVPD, but it's sort of my parallel experience.

I also just thought as I was typing that, do you have any relatives outside of your direct family that you ever visit and/or speak to (cousins, aunts/uncles etc.)? And if so, how do you go with interacting with them? I find that when I'm with my extended family I do not feel as strong a need to be liked, as there is an underlying current of good-will and acceptance of that comes with being of the same blood. My family is very stable though.

I'm going to leave it at that for now because I'm very very very very tired... Please do message me back with your thoughts on this stuff and/or indeed anything else that's on your mind!

Felix

[felix mendelssohn]

Hi Tayla,

I just wanted to check how you're going? I know you said you'd been having a tough time lately so I wanted to make sure you're alright. 🙂

Felix

[Guest_4643]

Hi felix, thanks for replying.

I'm okay, how are you? Just stressed and whatnot though.

Yeah your description of it sounds about right.

No I don't have any other family or friends.

Tayla

[felix mendelssohn]

Hi Tayla!

Thanks for getting back - I was actually a bit concerned for your wellbeing, but I suppose that concern is something we just have to accept in a community of vulnerable people...

Glad that I sort of understand the AVPD. I really enjoy being able to understand other people. I think it gets me out of my own mind a bit. 🙂

I am getting by - I posted a general whinge about myself which keeps getting shifted around by moderators (I think it's in the depression section now?) so you can check that out if you like. Most recently, I saw my psychologist today for the first time in months and I think I may have actually broken him with my existentialist views, but hopefully he'll see me again.

That really sucks that you haven't got that extended family to draw upon. Do your parents have friends of their own with whom you can socialise? I, for example, will sometimes tag along with my mother when she goes to get coffee with a friend (of hers) in town. There's no real pressure for me to 'carry' the conversation which I find helpful. Of course these won't be people in their teens/twenties, but they'll probably be more mature and understanding of any social reticence you may have. Many people our age are very shallow and self-interested anyway, just from my observation. When I'm feeling lonely, I find doing this is very good for getting out of the house and keeping sane. Interested to hear your thoughts on this!

Felix

[Guest_4643]

Hey Felix. Sorry for my slow replies!

Thank you for worrying about me, that means a lot, but you don't have to! How have you been though?

Yeah AVPD is difficult to explain I suppose, it's sort of like social anxiety, I don't know how to explain it properly. But you seem to get what it is.

I'll see if I can find your thread, thanks. And no, not really. We had a family friend come down over the Australia Day weekend, that was alright. We're looking on visiting them too, just not sure at the moment plus with appointments, etc. But we'll see.

We did have some family friends who have young kids (6, 9 & 12 or something? I can't remember their exact ages), but they haven't spoken to us since Christmas Day so I don't know what's happening.

Thanks for replying again, sorry for taking so long to get back to you.

Take care,

Tayla

[felix mendelssohn]

Hey Tayla,

Yeah, my current experience is difficult to explain and share succinctly, but yeah, I'm alright I think. Right now I just want to cry for no reason at all so writing this is a welcome distraction

I recognise that none of my suggestions so far have really been that helpful so I think I'll stop trying to suggest things, which is kind of difficult for me because I like to solve problems. But it's probs for the best because I clearly just do not have an informed enough understanding of anything

If I might just recommend one more thing though, I find listening to (and playing) music extremely helpful for so many reasons. In relating to the emotions conveyed in the music we can realise that we're not totally alone in how we feel, it can alter mood (to a point) and distract us from other thoughts. Of course there can be a flipside - if your musical tastes are too niche/esoteric then that in itself can be a socially isolating experience if you try to bond over shared musical tastes with someone else. But I guess that's not a very common problem

Stay well and keep in touch 🙂

Felix

[Guest_4643]

Hey Felix.

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling down, I'm here always if you'd like to talk about anything or just someone to listen.

Your suggestions are helpful and you are knowledgeable, I appreciate them, I just have lots going on at the moment but I'm thankful to talk to you and for your suggestions, aswell as everyone on the forums I talk to.

You have been helpful, truly. So thank you.

I completely agree with you about music, that's one of the many reasons why I love it so much, it makes me feel less alone and I'm inspired by the singers and their experiences, and how they've been so successful. I also like laughing at stuff to do with the bands, like rock and metal memes haha.

Take care, I'm here if you need me. Stay well too,

Tayla

[Sophie_M]

We are letting you all know we're closing this and all Tayla's other threads except for Looking for some self care and coping strategy tips please.

Keeping to one thread will make it easier for members to keep up with mb20lover's story, and saves everyone having to repeat information.