New member, lonely.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, I'm Tayla & I'm 20. I'm new to this BB Forums as of yesterday & someone recommended I post in the welcome thread, so here goes. I'm a bit anxious & still learning to properly use this so please bare with me, my apologies.

I made a post of my own which I'll link, so please check it out & reply if you can, I'd appreciate it.

I live in a small country town in Regional Victoria, it has about 4000 or so people, a town where everyone knows everyone pretty much, except me. I like the scenery (nice walking tracks & a lake) & nice bird life, & its' peaceful, but thats about it really. Some days the loneliness & isolation really gets to me. Everyone is 3-5 hours away & I don't talk to anyone or see anyone. I even joined groups on Facebook for things that I like such as bands, but that can be good & bad since people can be mean unfortunately.

I called my local triage & the guy on the phone was quite rude which made me upset since it's my first time contacting a triage. He refused to talk to me & let me come in basically, I don't know why, I was polite & just looking for support. I'm seeing my GP & Psychiatrist who I'm happy with, especially my Psychiatrist. It's a while in between appointments with my Psychiatrist but I understand that he's busy, but it's worth it I suppose.

I went to the local Headspace Centre & the manager & group members (I have no idea what the group was supposed to be for, I got nothing at all out of it), made fun of my mental illnesses so I complained & she lost her job, of course I haven't been back & I won't. eHeadspace have also always been rude to me as in pushing me away & so forth. I understand they have lots of people to talk to but that's unacceptable. My Psychiatrist agrees with all of this.

I just have my parents which yes, they're supportive. I don't have any friends, I see everyone else out with friends & I wish I had that even doing basic things like watching TV together. I can't study for a few reasons because it's super expensive for one, & the free courses I found it says you need certain things & had to a previous course etc. I don't know why.

I've asked everywhere here for jobs, volunteering etc. Everyone says no, I've asked in person & said I'm willing to learn. The groups here such as sewing, etc. I'm told are for people in their 40s, dunno why. I feel so discriminated against. I'm doing my best & everything I can, it's so hard. I colour in, listen to music & walk my dog.

Please reply, I'd appreciate it a lot.

[pinkwren]

Hi Tayla 🙂

Welcome to the forum! It's really lovely to see that you have reached out and opened up, so thank you for sharing your experience 🙂 Don't worry about being new (I am too) - it's a very kind and supportive environment on here, and we are all here to help each other.

When I read your post, I was sad to hear that so many mental health support centers have been unwelcoming and disrespectful to you - like you said, this is never okay, and I hope that the places you visited for help will be more accepting and kind in the future.

It's good to hear that you have a GP and psychiatrist to talk to - it sounds like they have been helpful to you 🙂 Do you know of anyone else who you may be able to talk to? There are many support places online that might be helpful to you, like these forums, and online and email messaging between psychologists at BeyondBlue and other mental health organisations. Perhaps these might be worth a try? I've used Kids Helpline email counselling service numerous times, and they have been so supportive and helpful, and I hope that maybe this is something that can support you too 🙂

Calling a helpline is another way you can access support - like I said above, they're super kind and helpful and would never dream of being disrespectful 🙂 I'll link these below.

I'm sorry to hear that you don't have many people to hang out with - it's good to hear that there are a few social groups in your town - perhaps joining one will be helpful? I know you said that the town's sewing group is for middle aged people, but it still might be worth a try in going, as you may find that the people within the group are very supportive and kind individuals to be around and spend time with.

Along with other social groups, are there any sport teams or groups that you might enjoy going to? Perhaps there could also be some lovely people there to hang out with 🙂

You're doing really well by doing everything you can at the moment - it will get better and things will improve 🙂

Please remember to be kind to yourself in the meantime and take care too ❤️

Hope this helps 🙂

Much love,

pw

Helpful links:

KidsHelpline 1800 55 1800

Mindspot Clinic 1800 61 44 34

SANE Australia 1800 18 7263

The Black Dog Institute also have a list of support groups in every state that can connect you with other support groups near your area. Perhaps this might be helpful too 🙂

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/getting-help

[Guest_4643]

Hi pinkwren, thanks for the reply. I love your username, so cute!

I've talked to Beyond Blue, Kids Helpline, Lifeline & SANE on the webchats, & eHeadspace but eHeadspace has always been bad for me. I tried the Suicide Callback Service web chat on Google Chrome but their web chat & Skype won't work for me on a laptop, not sure why? I don't like talking on the phone much.

I'm not really a sporty person, although I wish I was & I've thought about that too yeah. There's not much sport here either. As for the groups, I've asked every group here I can join - beeswax wraps making, sewing, dog walking, every single thing, & I'm always told it's for middle aged people. I've tried volunteering at the local Hospital & they say no. So it's hard, I'm doing everything I can, I really am. It feels like I'm getting nowhere.

Yes my GP is nice, & my Psychiatrist especially. I feel more comfortable with my Psychiatrist, I'm not really sure why, I think it's just his kind & professional manner. He doesn't make me feel rushed & I can tell he actually cares & wants to help me not just prescribing me medication. Whereas my GP kind of makes me feel rushed & doesn't ask me if I have any more questions or anything like that. But I understand that they're both busy & have more patients. It is a bit upsetting though, but I'm quite sensitive.

I've also looked at The Black Dog Institute like you said, & I'm doing a free online Mindspot course, but I haven't found Mindspot helpful exactly. Thanks for the recommendations though.

Thanks again for your reply, I appreciate it. I hope you're ok yourself, & welcome to the BB Forums too. I hope you can find some kind support here also, like me.

Much love & hugs back,

Tayla xx

[poorlydrawn]

Hi Tayla,

So good of you to reach out! And, it looks like you are doing great at making use of the forums, so well done you 🙂

I'm very sorry to hear you have had so many negative experiences both when trying to seek help and with trying to make connections within your community. I have had some difficulty getting help from phone 'lifelines' as well, and like you, I don't particularly like talking on the phone so I understand your difficulty there, for sure. It's good that some of the services now offer online chat or text messaging rather than just phone calls, but I still haven't found them all that helpful to me. My psychologist is the one who has been most helpful to me.

It's such a shame that your community groups aren't welcoming of younger members. I think it always makes things more interesting when there is more diversity to a group, and age is just a number, really! There's no reason why you can't be friends with a middle aged person, if they would let you join. It's so brave of you to keep going and trying all these different groups anyway - i'm super impressed!

In terms of learning, might I recommend FutureLearn if you haven't tried it? They have free courses on all kinds of things, and I have found people there to be pretty nice and supportive. You also have the option to learn at your own pace. Take a peek and see what you think 🙂

See you around, I hope - and thanks again for your supportive words for me!

Cheers,

p.d

[Guest_4643]

Hi poorlydrawn.

I'm very sorry for just replying to this now. Thank you for replying though.

I'm sorry that you haven't found things like Lifeline that helpful either, I suppose it's different for everybody. I'm glad that you have a great Psychologist who supports you however. It's hard to find that type of support & comfort these days.

I agree with you about the groups & the ages, like what's the problem? Thank you for saying I'm brave though, I don't think I am but I appreciate that.

No I've never heard of Future Learn, I'll look it up, thank you.

Again I'm so very sorry for just replying now, I feel bad. But I hope to see you around more also and chat to you, and try to support you as much as I can.

I hope you're alright, take care.

Love and hugs,

Tayla xo

[felix mendelssohn]

Hi there Tayla,

You're my very first post! I haven't even done one for myself yet!

I can relate to your experiences on several levels. I too am new to these forums (obviously), and I if I break any rules please put it down to ignorance.

I'm also 20 and come from a regional town of a few thousand, though I've since moved to the city for uni. When I return home for holidays though, I still very much experience the loneliness and isolation that you speak of. I also live a bit out of town which just makes things worse. Being away from all of my city-based friends who are socialising without me takes a toll as well, though I guess that's not so much of an issue for you...

From what you've said you seem to be very proactive in dealing with your mental health issues (what are they, if I'm even allowed to ask that?? idk help) and in reaching out to all of these volunteer groups you're very actively trying to address your isolation. Seriously, you should be applauded for that. Their responses are of course disheartening, but I guess if what you say about everyone knowing everyone except you is true then I can sort of understand it. Rural folk just tend to inherently distrust and reject people they don't already know to be in the community, at least that's my view of the situation... Not saying it's right, just presenting a possible reason for their otherwise bizarre behaviour.

Do you have any friends from school (I'm assuming you've grown up there?) that you could get in touch with (who are still in the area)? Even just old acquaintances? If so maybe you could gently nag them to get in touch with you next time there's a social gathering happening that you may be able to tag along to?

Also, try not to overlook the value of having supportive parents. They might not provide the gratification/validation that comes with having 'earnt' a friend, but having that rock solid base at home will help you in so many other ways!

Anyway, that's just my 2 cents. Hope you get to read this and that you're keeping well.

[Guest_4643]

Hiya Felix!

Wow, I can't believe this is your first post and it's on my thread, thank you so very much, I truly appreciate that. If you post something yourself (up to you) I'll happily check it out in return! Welcome to the forums by the way.

I'm sorry to hear that you relate, but I guess in some ways it's sort of comforting knowing I'm not alone with a few things, although it's sad.

Nice to see someone who is 20 also. I'm sorry to hear that you experience loneliness too, especially when you return from holidays. I suppose it can be harder living in smaller towns sometimes. Some days it doesn't bother me that much. Good on you for going to Uni though, even if it's a bit far to travel, that's a good achievement itself so well done.

yeah things take a toll on me too, although I don't have anyone my age or a teen to be friends with and hangout with, not even online. I don't talk to anyone from primary or high school for a few reasons, people are just busy unlike me, which I guess I understand.

Thanks for saying I'm proactive and trying actively to address things. My diagnoses are: Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety (or Generalised Anxiety Disorder), PTSD, Social Anxiety & AVPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder). AVPD is a bit hard to explain so I guess Google it perhaps?

I agree with you, and thanks for saying I need an applause, you're so sweet. But I suppose you're right, when everyone knows everyone in a town like where I live, and new people move in, I guess it makes things hard for some people sometimes. I suppose it's somewhat understandable.

And yeah I do appreciate my parents and what I have, I feel sorry for less fortunate people such as those without a home, food, parents, and many other things. Puts my life into perspective.

Thank you again for replying and for this being your first post, and on my post, seriously thank you! I appreciate it so much and it means a lot. I hope to talk to you more and be friends on the forums. If you make a post I'll check it out, up to you though.

I hope you enjoy the forums and I'm here for you also. I've been down lately but I guess I'll be OK. I hope you're alright yourself.

Take care, speak soon hopefully! Lots of love and hugs,

Tayla xx

[poorlydrawn]

Hi Tayla,

Nice to hear from you, sorry for my own slow reply - life in the way at the moment and been too tired to be on here much. Sorry you have been a bit down lately - if you want to talk about it, I will try and check in and be online more often if I can. There's some nice people here, so hopefully we can help you a little 🙂

Take care and best wishes,

p.d

[Guest_4643]

Hi poorlydrawn, no problem.

I'm sorry you're dealing with a lot at the moment, I am too. I hope things improve for you and you feel better, I'm here for you also if you ever need me.

Love and hugs,

Tayla

[felix mendelssohn]

Hi again Tayla,

You can have my second post too! How about that?

That's quite an impressive list of diagnoses; I wish I had that many! Haha, just kidding, but to think that you've been making so much effort to improve your situation in spite of all those disorders is pretty awe-inspiring. To be honest it actually makes me a bit angry at those people in your town for not giving you a fair chance, but hey, what can you do?

I looked up the AVPD and I think I sort of understand it... sort of a very strong and debilitating inferiority complex? Or I'm just thinking, my understanding of an inferiority complex is that you normally try very hard to prove yourself and/or take others down because you very palpably feel inferior and would very much like to feel superior. But perhaps with the AVPD the inadequacy is just so profound that to feel superior just doesn't even register as a possibility? Am I close to the mark with that or still blissfully ignorant of what you're experiencing? I'm also sort of curious, do you find talking online to be much easier than in person, in that the security/anonymity/distance mitigates some of the anxiety you'd otherwise experience? Sorry to bombard you with questions as well by the way, I'm just both ignorant and nosy, so feel free to pass over anything.

You mentioned again that you don't have anyone to hang out with, either in person or online.I don't really have any solid suggestions for what to do about that without knowing a bit more about everything, and even then, I'm no expert. But in the meantime I'm happy to be your online friend, even if I'm anonymous! Desiring social contact is a very natural and reasonable feeling though, and, I may be wrong, but I'd hypothesise that typically for people around our age the... appetite for social contact might be particularly strong.

As for sharing a bit about me in a post, I might do that soonish, I've just yet to convince myself that my troubles are actually valid and worth other people's time and attention, you know? Plus I'm slightly paranoid about people I know seeing it and working out who I am and all that (hence why I'm not even ready to give a first name, sorry). Unreasonable fears, I know, but real fears.

Sorry to hear that you've been down. I'll try to check in at least every couple of days or so, and I'll be all ears if you want to talk through anything. Even just general life related stuff. As for me, I've been a lot worse, haha!

Hope to hear from you soon Tayla! 🙂