New member checking in and hoping to find some support

[BlueSpring]

Hi,

I'm a single woman in my early 30's. I've never been diagnosed with or medicated for any mental health issues but have always struggled with depression and anxiety and it seems to be exacerbating the older I get and I just don't know where to turn to for support or help.

My mum died last year. She was very young. I feel like it just happened so quickly that I didn't even get a chance to process or mourn her loss. It's like I was just trying to get through her illness and the funeral and helping my dad clear her things out because he couldn't face their home without her. I regret so much. I knew she was sick but was in denial about it killing her so I put on a brave face and just told myself she would get better. We never got a proper goodbye or the opportunity to talk about life. We were so close too. I wasted so many beautiful opportuities at the end of her life because of my denial. Is this normal?

I tried speaking to a psychologist last year, referred from a local GP (I move around a lot so don't have a solid doctor). But I was just uncomfortable and didn't gel with her. I'm still open to seeking professional help but where do you start?

I'm just feeling so alone and struggling to cope. I wish I had a good friend or partner to turn to but I don't. My few friends don't know what's going on because I put on a happy face. I don't want to be a burden and I find it really difficult to open up anyway.

I suppose I'm here just looking for a support system of sorts and maybe some resources to lift me up and provide me with the help I need.

Appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this:)

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi BlueSpring,

Welcome to the forums and I'm really glad you decided to join us. It sounds like it's been a rough few years for you and I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. It means more to me that after all your struggles you're still reaching out and looking for support. That's really not an easy thing to do.

Denial is absolutely normal in grief - so common it's in the 5 stages. Sometimes we can experience denial before someone dies, and sometimes after. While I see why you'd be having regrets, that's just the way that you coped with such a tragedy at the time, and there is nothing at all wrong with that.

Speaking to a psychologist or counsellor is a good move, although sometimes it can take a little while to find one that you click with and feel comfortable enough to open up to. It can take time to open up to anyone (even a therapist), but having someone who is open to hearing what you have to say and in your corner can just be helpful anyway.

There are so many different resources out there for grief, just let me know what you're after and I'll do my best 🙂 GriefLine also offer free telephone counselling midday to 3am/7 days a week - 1300 845 745. Even if you're not up to speaking to a counsellor right now, it could just be an option to get things off your chest.

I hope that you find these forums helpful and supportive. Here's a link to our grief and loss section too -

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/grief-and-loss

RT

[Haurice]

Hi BlueSpring

Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sorry for the loss of your mother. I had the same feelings of lost opportunity when my grandmother died - why didn’t I contact her more? What could I have learned from her if I had visited more? I think it’s normal to feel like your relationships are unfinished. But it’s still hard.

In terms of getting help for depression and anxiety, there are many great GPs out there who love talking to people and helping them through. There are lots of treatment options. It’s just a matter of trying a few different ones, seeking recommendations, and finding the right person for you.

Best of luck with everything, and thanks again for sharing.