Need to reach out...finally

[MsPhoenix]

Hi all, my story is probably similar to some of you hear, but I need to tell it anyway, in a summarized version.

I am in my late 40's and on marriage no3. I have 3 children of my own and 2 steps. The steps live with their dad and i and because of this my own children who range from 16 - 25 refuse to include me in their lives, my own parents or sibling don't want me in their lives either.

I know that i need to focus on what is under my roof but because of my own family ostracizing me I can't get past the sadness and feeling of a loss of identity. I know that this sound melodramatic but you bring 3 kids in the world and now nothing to show for it, it's tough. My husband has been understanding to a point but is now considering leaving me too. Im on meds for my depression with the occasional benzodiazepines to get me thru bad days. 

I'm just reaching out here because i don't know where yo start.  Naturally there is soooo much more to my story but just someone who can 'take me under their wing' would be a fantastic start.

I need to stop crying one day. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Ms Phoenix

I sent you a reply just after you posted but something has gone wrong and my post has not materialized. Never mind. Welcome to Beyond Blue and I will try again.

Can you clarify a few things for me please. Your step children live with you and your current husband but your own children want nothing to do with you. Do you know why this is so? Do your children feel they have been pushed out by your steps? And your parents and siblings also want nothing to do with you. Do you know why this is?

And now your husband is talking of leaving. This is a large number of people who want out of your life. Is it due to your depression? Depressed people are hard to live at times and want/demand a great deal of care. At Beyond Blue we will support you on line for as long as you need, but that is not a good substitute for physical support in your home and life.

I see you are taking medication so you must have regular visits to a doctor. Is this your GP? Do you also see a psychologist or psychiatrist? If your depression is so severe that you are losing or chasing away your natural support base then it seems you need professional support.

Have you considered phoning the Beyond Blue helpline? The number is 1300 22 4636 and is available 24/7. This is a very useful and helpful support.

I will leave this as a short reply this time. Can you tell us more of your story? I find it of concern that you have little or no support. Sorry about all the questions. I am unsure where to start.

Regards
Mary

[MsPhoenix]

Hi.

I have an email from my eldest daughter saying that  I chose my new family now i must live with consequences. My husbands children are still young. I helped him thru the family court for 5 years. He finally has full care of his kids. My youngest was the only 1 living with us when my husbands kids moved in. It's fair to say that my son and hubby didn't get along great. They were always butting heads, but nothing drastic. Not long after my steps moved in my own son left home. He has told my family some terrible stories about my husband to my family and unfortunately they believe him. They have not asked for an explanation from me and have just chosen not to contact me at all. I find that I'm okay one day and an absolute mess the next, especially around special occasions.

I have just come from my gp who said i cant control who wants me in their lives or who loves me...well i get that, i doesn't make me feel any better. 

 I'm made to feel unimportant and everyone around me would be happier if i didn't exist. Im sure my family are happier now that im not in their lives. I called my mum for the first time in 2 years the other day and asked her if she wanted me in her life, i was met with silence.

I feel like I'm rambling...i probably am. 

One more thing, my eldest told me 10 years ago she was raped by my then husband when she was 10 years old. She yelled this to me during an argument. I tried to help her then, but she didn't want my help..now 10 years later she is not only accusing me that i didn't help her but blaming me for it happening in the first place. I just don't know where to turn. My husband is sick of my complaining and depression over all of this but he also says that therapy would be a waste of time and money...like my gp said, you can't make somebody love you.