Just realising that how I feel has a title

[Sharnz]

Where to start…for such a long time I have been trying to reject this feeling, Its just a bad day, I haven't had enough sleep, everyone has tough times, their are people worse off then me, I should be Happy!!!! Sound all too familiar?! For so long I have felt that I have been able to control the feelings but now I feel like the feelings are controlling me. When the days are good they are good! But when just a slight bit of pressure or something goes wrong all the demons creep out. My heart races, my anger explodes, my negative thoughts spiral & I just can't find a way out. I push away my husband, my kids and feel as though everyone would be better off without me when deep in my heart that is not the truth nor is it what I want. I want to be the best version of myself, a good mum and a great wife. I've just taken the first steps by joining here & making my first Physcologist app. No meds as yet as I am very sceptical.

[HA1]

Hi Sharnz - yep, it all does sound so familiar!

Welcome to beyond blue and congratulations on taking these very important first steps.  

I look forward to hearing more about your story.  You will find a lot of supportive people on this forum who can assist you in whatever way we can.

Has your GP already diagnosed you with depression and/or anxiety?

I also hear you when you say that you are sceptical about any medications, but can I suggest that you keep an open mind.  They can make a difference.

Keep us posted on how you feel.

K

[Sharnz]

Thanks K!

I have been to see the dr & have been told I'm have depression but so determined to be "strong" I fudged the mental health questionnaire to avoid her suggesting medication.

i was given meds 3 years ago & felt quite withdrawn, out of it & nauseous so I'm scared to be prescribed anything. I think I also feel like it makes it true, I do have depression, I can not control this, I need help...

Conselling can be for anyone right?! So talking to someone makes me feel like I'm not "losing it"... Denial maybe, Fear probably!

I feel like I'm taking the first steps but baby ones.

[JessF]

Hello Sharnz, I am glad to hear you feel like you're taking first steps but very worried to hear that you are lying to your doctor by not completing questionnaires correctly.

You can't expect to get the right treatment unless you are totally honest with your doctor. 

By all means be skeptical about whether medication will work for you, but it should be an informed conversation with a professional about the risks and benefits. 

I don't know how you fudge a questionnaire to avoid medication, the only way I can imagine doing that would be for you to downplay how severe your symptoms are, which means that your doctor is not fully aware of how at risk you may be! this is very serious, and I would urge you to be honest with your doctor. They can't force you onto medication if you don't want to take it, but they need to know how bad things are for you.

[HA1]

Hi Sharnz

So sorry to take so long to get back to you but I decided I needed some time out so went to the outback for a while - wonderful!

Yeah, I read you regarding meds.  I still often get nauseous (mornings) with meds.  When I was on the prescribed level of meds I was totally out of it, in a space I did not really want to be in.   Could not go anywhere without feeling totally overwhelmed.  So I cut it back a smidging.  I now feel OK going out to malls etc., but instead get that nauseous feeling.  But it does not last long and is a hell of a lot better than feeling totally spaced out!!  Although, sometimes that was not a bad feeling (LOL) ... just kidding.

Counselling is great if you get the right person and you feel a connection. I was lucky to get that from the get go.  But do you think I could say the same for the psychiatrist - NO!  I have had a few psychiatrists along the way, but always the one psychologist (clinical).  A massive source of support, and one who made me finally understand that it was not me, it was what I had gone through.  

Please talk more, I would love to keep this discussion going.

K