Need help understanding how to support my partner whom may be going through depression

[Ashiraz]

Hi, I am a newbie here. I joined today cz I really need some help understanding whether my partner has depression and get to know how to help him. Since of late he has been skipping work a lot and says that he feels down. He thinks going to work is just a distraction to get by..He often questions "the point" of it all and I am not sure I know how to help him. We both grew up in cultures where we never discussed mental health, so I am not even sure whether it is the case. I am worried leaving him home for work cz I fear that he might harm himself. He sometimes asks me to stay home with him cz he feels "down" but is the only way he expresses it. He generally is an over-thinker and keeps himself busy. I am starting to believe that he tries to keep himself occupied all the time, (be it household improvement or working out a loan, buying a car etc)cz when he is not he feels "down". Any feedback on how I need to approach? Please help me...

[Sophie_M]

Dear Ashiraz,

It sounds like you are worried about your partner's safety and well-being. If you are finding that you are concerned about him having trouble making the steps in keeping themselves safe, there are some steps that you can take to ensure he gets the right assistance. Educating them about their options of gaining professional help is one way to support them. A person needing mental health support can get a referral to a mental health professional from a GP/doctor and they can put them on what is called a Mental Health Care Plan which will allow people to have subsidised psychological sessions under Medicare. 
 
If you feel your partner is in a situation of risk of harm or suicide and they are not able to see a GP, you can seek more immediate help for them by contacting their local Mental Health Team at their nearest hospital or support them in attending the Emergency Department, or calling 000. If you need any further advice please contact our 24/7 Support Service on 1300 22 4636  or Lifeline – 13 11 14 and www.lifeline.org.au – or phone Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467. Lifeline and Suicide Call Back Service also may have some useful advice about how to approach the topic of suicide with your partner if he is hesitant to talk about it.


Kind regards,

ModSupport

[Croix]

Dear Ashiraz~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here.

I'm glad she greeted you as she has offered a great many resources you can use. Please bear in mind that they are there for you too, for example if you are worried your partner may harm himself you can ring one of these lines, perhaps the Suicide Call Back Service (which I find great) and talk over the problem.

It does help, you are not alone and struggling. At the moment you are under a great deal of stress and worry and need support yourself, is there anyone there for you?

Coming from a background where mental health issues were not talked much about does make things more difficult, however your partner's behavior does in some ways remind my of myself in the past when depression has been getting worse.

Not going to work, feeling pointless, not doing his usual activities and asking for help with you remaining with him, even if only couched in general terms of being 'down'.

It may also be your fear he might harm himself has some truth to it, I'm not saying that is so, just that it can be hard to know either way.

I did not know what was wrong with me, in fact I only thought it was a character defect, laziness or something else that had come into my life. You partner may be the same.

So what can you do? Really the single most important thing is to get your partner to visit a GP in a long appointment and say honestly how he feels. This is a difficult thing to persuade someone to do. Particularly if they only regard mental issues as something only 'other people' have.

Do you think you would have success? Perhaps if not then is there anyone else he holds in high regard who might?

Suggesting a physical checkup might be a good way to get the ball rolling.

Apart from this most important thing the other great thing is to be there for him and let him know you are a constant in his life and will not give up or change - you love him. This helped me immensely even though I did not realise it at the time.

There is no need to constantly ask how he is feeling, that can be annoying, just be there -and listen if he talks about himself.

You are in a difficult position and are welcome here at any time to talk more

Croix