My life is mentally exhausting.

[endlessfear]

hi Everyone.

Im new here and thought Id introduce myself.

Panic attacks since mid 1984, my daughter was only 2.

Marriage lasted 32 years. It lacked love, empathy and support.

New relationship lasted 4 years. I didn't reveal everything about myself to him. There was no point. Heartless individual that preys on mental weaknesses and uses them to his advantage.

We are still living under the same roof and he has continued to make my life a living hell. He actually gets his kicks when he succeeds to make me furious and when I reach my peak, my anxiety goes through the roof and I break down and cry. I don't want him to see me cry so Ill go to my room or have a shower, sit on the floor and cry my heart out. It doesn't help but I feel better temporarily.

I can't move out as 1. I cannot afford the rents on my own and 2. I still have really debilitating panic attacks when I''m alone in the house.

I have no friends and no one in the family can offer me help. My daughter will help if I need do go shopping and I can drive around my area but cannot drive alone for long distances or unfamiliar areas.

My rent is $400/fortnight (shared) so I'm left with just enough to buy my animals their food an a bit of food for myself. The anxiety and stress of living day to day like this eventually got to me. Plus living with the verbal abuse.. I was finding it hard to find the energy to get out of bed. I didnt want to die but I wanted a big hole to open up that I could crawl into.

I have fears, like everyone else. I fear death, I fear living alone, I fear never finding someone to love me, I fear that I will become homeless. I fear that I am going insane at times. I FEAR my fears.

I shed a few tears reading other peoples' stories. I guess it made me realise that I am not really alone in my thoughts. Other people know what a panic attack feels like, they know what loneliness is.

I am not alone .

[blondguy]

Hello EF

Welcome and good on you for having the courage to post too!

Anxiety attacks are bad news. I hear you loud and clear there. Mine started in 1983 when I was 23 and they took away my day to day quality of life until I kept headhunting a really good GP who started the long healing process.

Good News! The anxiety does reduce in severity over time when you have super regular counseling....even with a GP as their training is more comprehensive compared with the 1980's.

I really feel for you as you have a few life events happening that are triggering the panic attacks. Part of the healing process does involve having a reasonably stressless environment.

While you are in this dark place can I ask if you have been 'blowing off steam' to a doc at all? This is crucial now as when our water is boiling the steam has to go somewhere....especially in your current situation.

Just so you know my background...I see my GP every 4 weeks for a tune up....take AD's...small dose for anxiety for the last 21 years and they combined with therapy work a treat.

There are many gentle people that suffer similar levels of anxiety that can be here for you 🙂

Right now you are understandably over sensitised due to your home situation. Do you have a small support network of one or two friends that you can lean on? This is always a huge help as well as a good GP

You are so right.....you are not alone here in any shape or form

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

[endlessfear]

my current gp is kind and caring but I feel uncomfortable speaking to him to let of steam. He is aware of my panic attacks and anxiety but his concern seems to be focused on my weight loss. I don't have an eating disorder. I do eat but not enough due to finances at the moment. Any food I do buy I have to hide in my room or keep at my daughters place because the above mentioned individual eats everything, including my food. It is a ridiculous situation.

My family know about my current situation but apart from criticism for staying with this man for so long, they offer no support. I am aware of my mistakes but I kept him around out of fear of living alone. he doesnt work and I have had to pay for all bills, all new furniture, removalist, furniture, etc. Even paid off his debts. Now Ive run out of money and he knows this and uses abuse, threats and harassment to continuously control and manipulate me.

I am strong. I am a survivor.I don't sit back and no nothing . But it's exhausting. LOL.

A woman's refuge is not an option. I have pets. Everything in this house is mine. I'll be damned if I will walk out and hand it all over to him.

I do fear physical violence if I get the Police involved to get him evicted. But I have to do something as this is really taking it's toll on my metal health.

[Mr_Walker]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through all that - and you're right there are lots of people here who know the feelings of anxiety and panic attacks.

Talking it through with someone is SO helpful - if you don't feel comfortable talking through it with your GP you could ask for a referral to a psychologist? The great thing about talking to a professional is that they can really objectively see your situation from the outside - in a way it's sometimes hard for family or even friends to do...

Welcome to the forums - LOTS of experience here!

[blondguy]

Hey EF.....Thanks for posting back to us!

Its not a good place to be in if you fear violence if you get the police involved.

I neglected to mention in my earlier post that we have qualified health professionals available for support 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. They are non judgemental and caring.

Your situation would be more than exhausting. No one here would mention a womens refuge to you EF.

If I may ask you....do you have a GP that you get along with? I asked in my post above "if you have been 'blowing off steam' to a doc at all?

I remember being in a dark place and my doc always called me back at the end of the day. It was a huge help to hear a 'voice of reason'

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by making a phone call.

We are here for you EF......even just for chat......and YES.....it is exhausting and you still have a choice albeit a difficult one.

my kindest for you

Paul