Message from a newbie

[Pete1962]

Hi Everyone

I am a 50-something man who has just been diagnosed with depression although have always known that I have the tendency for such a condition. My Dad suffered from depression and I 'lost him' when I was 13 and he was heavily medicated for a long time. I just want to be better so that I stop being self destructive by doing things that are negative for me. The sadness is that I have a wonderful wife, two teenagers (who bring demands of their own) and a very empathetic dog. I just need to walk this journey. It is already painful. I know I will appreciate these forums very much.

[smallwolf]

Hi Pete,

Welcome to beyond blue.

I am am nearly 50, with depression, anxiety, and SI. While I have only been here for a little over a year, and "diagnosed" just before I started here, what I have gone through had been with me for a lot longer. Like you my father suffered from depression, and has been on ADs since the early 90s. And like you a wonderful wife, 2 teens. Plus a cat.

You are definitely not alone in this space. I am assuming that you are getting professional help? And if you are, please be patient with yourself. There are no instant fixes. My wife reminds me to go with the journey when I get frustrated. Even then, having a space to "talk" between sessions, make this place ideal for us to put our thoughts somewhere.

As for what you could do... you could look at the threads on the forum for grounding and mindfulness. Both have ideas to help combat the worry and negative thoughts. Another idea is to have a look at a thread titled "three things to be thankful for today" where you might find things that remind you of things to be thankful for that you might have otherwise missed. My psychologist wanted to me to write a journal about pleasures, accomplishments, gratitude, etc. Things that I might otherwise forget, and allows a reflection on good things that happened during the day rather than just the negative. It took me quite a while for it to work, so in this area, persistence is needed.

There are a variety of apps that you could also try - smiling minds, calm, virtual hope box, relax melodies which include guided meditations.

I hope that you will come back soon and tell us how you are going.

Tim

[geoff]

Hello Pete, thanks for posting your comment.

It is sad that people struggle with depression for a long time, but try so very hard to hide, and it doesn't matter whether you have a wonderful wife and two teenagers, this illness is too strong, it has no sympathy for anybody and can overload you with all sorts of problems, that's the sad part and I'm sorry that this is what's happened to you.

Tim has given you a great reply so I'll try not to repeat what he has said, and I wonder whether your family has any knowledge of how you feel or whether you are pretending so as to protect them in some way.

This is up to you, but you will feel relief once you tell them, cry if you want to, I have more times than I could possibly remember, it's a release of how you feel.

There must be so much bottled up inside you, it's now time to get the help you need because self destructive behaviour can start with negative beliefs about yourself and that's when depression logs in.

I'd really like to hear back from you because there are a couple of other points I'd like to discuss with you, only if and when you want to.

Take care.

Geoff.