Long marriage gone wrong

[MargaretD]

My name is Margaret and I separated from my husband in January this year after 44+ years together. Although we were no longer in love, there was companionship and I believed implicity in his honesty and integrity. His betrayal has come as a complete shock but even worse is the way that he has denegrated and humiliated me in the process. I really am struggling to know how to cope. My three adult children are remaining impartial. Although I have friends to talk to, it would be really helpful if there is someone out there who has experienced a break down after a lifetime together. Hoping to receive some advice or kind words from the Beyond Blue community.

[white knight]

Hi Margaret, welcome

What a shock. Ok, well I have had 4 long term relationships of length of years - 7, 11, 10 and my now wife 8 years although my wife and I were best friends for 25 years before we married in 2010. We were married to siblings in the same family.

I was married to my first wife for 11 years and had my only two children then 7 and 4yo when we split in 1996. I had attempted suicide one week beforehand. Then I left after 11 years of emotional abuse.

Emotionally it is sometimes just as hard after 3 years with someone than 20 years. 44 years, I'd imagine that as your life was entrenched with that constant companionship it would be most difficult...but the process is the same in terms of the grief and moving on.

Following each split up for me it was hard if I had free time. Once I filled my life with activities like gardening, hobbies, clubs and even dating eventually if that's what you choose, then you will begin to recover. You can also take the high ground mentally to feel better like "I'm better than how he treated me".

I started building my own home 8 weeks after my split with me ex, I travelled a lot the first split...essentially we need distraction.

Google

Beyondblue topic boredom the closed door to fun

Beyondblue topic who cries over spilt milk?

Beyondblue topic the grief of separation

I hope they help. Don't hesitate to reply if you feel like it.

TonyWK