Loneliness

[Dph]

Can anyone suggest any good short term strategies for coping with loneliness. I'm a 59 year old gay male and I have found myself in a position in life where I have few close friends or much of a supportive family. This has crept up on me of the past 10 to 15 years, I've always been good at being alone but it seems I have taken it to extreme levels. I work and function as a popular person in the work place but on an intimate personal level I have shunned much interaction. Over the past month I meet a person and the connection seemed very intense on a physical and emotional level but this was abruptly stopped by the other person with no real reason given. This has made me feel rather pathetic ( they were much younger) but I think it has made realise how alone I am. I'm just having trouble getting through each day at the moment. I have a one or two people who I have talked too but I get the feeling they have heard me moan enough. I sailed through COVID lockdown easily but I think overall it has made much more aware of how little I have in my life.

[Jack2021]

I reckon you're off to a pretty good start trying to get help on here, just like I am 😊

Though I'm a 27 year old straight male, I completely understand loneliness as I've been in the exact same situation as you for years and years and years and still sort of am...it's only when anxiety and depression have been added to the mix it became debilitating for me 😱

Anyway other than posting online here and on forums, and other than the one recommendation you will hear endlessly "try volunteering", I reckon you should try this app/site out called "Meetup" -its basically a site full of groups where people literally meet up and hang out 😊 I went to one once a few years back, but everyone else was in their 40s -60s, so not the right ages for me, but perfect for you if you want to give it a shot 😊 (plus I still had fun, nice pub dinner, and local band 😜) the site is like a community run sorta thing so if you're in Australia and your state isn't under and restrictions I don't think covid should be affecting it anymore like it still is most things like that...I think

[Elithia]

Hi Dph,

It's nice to virtually meet you.

I was really sorry to hear you're feeling so lonely. That can be tough.

It sounds like you might be a bit like me: have gravitated towards happy solitude for a while, and then one day it kind of takes a surprising turn into loneliness instead. I identify as queer, too, which I agree does make it harder to find kindred spirits. (Please don't feel disheartened about the younger person that ghosted you... I'm positive it was about them, not you... people so often are embroilled in their own 'stuff' that they barely notice when they hurt another person)

I don't know that I have any good remedies, except to share that the loneliness you describe is very, very common. Especially for those of us of a certain vintage (fellow Gen Xer here). I decided early on not to be a social media user, and am quite sure that has contributed to my lack of close friends (noone emails these days it seems). That, and not doing the straight family/kid thing. Oh and I live in regional Australia, so I'm probably a little eccentric by local standards.

No pressure, but if you feel like writing back, I would be happy to chat.

Take good care of yourself in the meantime. Don't ever doubt that you're a wonderful person with so much to offer the world. Being lonely is not the measure of a person's worth.

Warmly,

Elithia

[geoff]

Hello Dp, and welcome to the forums.

Being alone is sometimes what we want, but then eventually it begins a feeling that no one wants to be your friend and that's sad because you're left in the middle of the crossroad unsure which direction to take and if you've made the right decision.

We rely on other people, not only for survival but for pleasure and enjoyment and this goes both ways, for you and for them, that's important for our own mental health because if we aren't noticed then depression of any kind may dominate, making it more difficult to establish ourselves.

When anyone decides they need counselling, there are some men who have decided they want a male counsellor, while others want a female therapist and the same applies to females wanting help.

In Sydney you can look at this site 'sydneygaycounselling.com' who may suggest sites in other States for you to consider, and remember to ask your doctor about the mental health plan, which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions and they may suggest places for you to contact to stop your loneliness.

We hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.