LDRs suck

[Icyowl]

Needing some advice.

I’ve been seeing my partner for nearly 4 years, and he hasn’t exactly proven his commitment.

He is 50 but still lives with his siblings and a year ago, I moved away for work and to be closer to my family.

we have been doing long distance ever since. Lucky with COVID that we are in the same state, but it’s a 2hr flight between us.

Lately I’ve been feeling so lonely and depressed. I have been on and off medication but decided to go drug free earlier this month.

I can’t help but feel resentment for my partner, for telling me he “will” move “soon”, but has been saying this for a year now.

do I stick with him, even though the relationship makes me so sad, or do I end it, knowing that I will be lonely with no support or friends until I meet new people in my new city?

I really love him, but not sleeping and constantly crying over my relationship is taking it’s toll.

[ecomama]

Hi Icyowl and welcome to the forums.

I wanted to let you know that I care about your situation. It's a tricky one, that's for sure.

So it's been 4 years and 'no real commitment'?
What does that mean to you?

Does this mean your bf dates other ppl?

Was the relationship between you great when you lived nearby?

You don't have to answer any of my questions btw.

I'm very sorry that you feel so sad about this predicament. I think I have more questions than suggestions tbh.

I'm pretty sure that in most relationships there are "deal breakers". If you're willing to give it a set time before seeing any changes eg 1y for him to move to you, then see how you feel then.
Maybe a year is far too long, IDK.

Thankyou for joining BB and sharing your story.

I really hope we can all be of some comfort to you.

EM

[Bananie1234]

Hi Icyowl,

may i ask what do you mean as no real commitment for the past 4 years? So does this mean for the 3 years while you guys were in the same city, you guys weren’t official?

Im sort if in the same situation as you, but we are in two different continents and haven’t seen each other since he left due to covid. Prior to covid, we already agreed to not have the “commitment” due to distance as we are still in the early stages of a relationship, we didnt want to add stress to our relationship. We also both had traumatic LDRs in the past so we wanted to focus on building a solid foundation. If he didn’t take on that new job and leave the country, we’d already be in a much more serious commitment by now.

And like you, sometimes I’m afraid he’ll keep pushing back the date to move back home. just like how your bf keeps saying he’ll move soon but doesn’t give you a date.

I think maybe you need to set a time frame on how long you’re willing to wait for. Let him know that you can’t wait forever and how long you’re willing to wait for and see what he says. I do think it’s unfair to make the other person wait indefinitely especially when you guys don’t live super far away from each other.

Stay strong.
take the time to think what’s best for you. You are in charge of your own happiness. 🙂

[geoff]

Hello Icyowl, a decision, especially in a long distance relationship, as 2 hours apart is, between two people who supposedly 'love' each other and then procrastinate a commitment of being together raises a couple of doubts, whether it's his financial situation, work, actual devotion and/or dedication needs to be made available, so any decision made can be interrupted.

'Soon' is like 'how long is a piece of string', there isn't a definite answer, although COVID-19 has affected everything, but if you're in love, nothing can stop you from being together.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[ecomama]

HI Icyowl, (waves to Bananie and Geoff),

I'm wondering whether your bf has always lived with his siblings ie in the family home?
He may not be willing to leave the comfort of this arrangement, or even be willing to admit he doesn't want to leave.

Indeed I agree that Covid has impacted all things to do with employment availability and a flow on effect is the cost of housing / accommodation.

BF sounds like he's got a pretty snug situation and in this financial climate, he may not be willing to risk it by upping and leaving for the "unknown"... IDK.

What do you think Icyowl?

EM