I'm new to this forum, so I am a little unsure of what to put in my introduction.
I've got depression, bipolar, ADHD, epilepsy, paranoia, and a number of problems that I acquired over the years. While they are mostly under control, I also have been put in a situation where I lost my job due to injury, my ex took my retirement payout and my son, and I am only still in a house because I was bailed out by my parents. While I would claim to have been never at fault, my mother has been instrumental in destroying every meaningful relationship I've had since the 90s, including one engagement and one marriage. I always grew up with the mindset that I should just be understanding of her, since that is what my father told me at a young age. I always tried to be strong, to ignore bad things and focus on the good, until one day I just snapped. I tried to end my life, but was talked down, by my neighbour, I tried to OD, and woke up 3 months later in hospital, I spent time at a mental health facility, and a psychiatrist helped me find meds to help. But I have always felt trapped by my overbearing mother, unable to escape (think of Mother-Pink Floyd). Once I needed financial help, I had to sell them my house else I would be homeless, so now I don't even have say over my home, since I just rent half of it. I have just lost all will to keep moving forward. I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I'm just mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. Every day I just go through the motions. Not sad, not happy, not angy, just existing. No sense of purpose or worth, self esteem, or sense of self. I occasionally get to see my son, and he is the only reason I can stave off suicidal thoughts.
So, that's me. Pretty damaged any messed up. Though I always put on a smile and a happy facade when I go out, because social interaction is the only thing that keeps me going.
