Just a bit lost

[OolongT]

Hi All,

I'm not usually someone who would usually speak to strangers at a bar, let alone reach out to them for help, but here goes.

I'm 20, nearly 21 and have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was about 14. I was diagnosed with MDD or clinical depression at 15, and have subsequently been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder.

I work full time for my parents - they picked me up after I decided studying engineering wasn't for me, and now I work with my own clients which I find to be the most fulfilling work and study I've ever done. I still live at home.

I don't really know why I'm here other than to try and express whats going on in my head..

For years I was bounced around different medications, psychologists, psychiatrists...the lot. Up until about 6 months ago, I'd been shrink and med free for about 2 years.

I first started to experience a lot of anxiety out of nowhere - I'd often go to bed with a sinking feeling that would still be there the next morning. My Gp suggested it could be things at work that were getting to me, however work I've found to be a great distractor most of the time and it helps to get me out of my head. No matter how hard I try to pick my brains, theres nothing that stands out as a trigger.

To start with it wasn't too bad and I started seeing a psychologist that my GP recommended, and after a few sessions I decided I was a lot better and stopped seeing him. That was about 3 months ago, and I was really much better.

Those same feelings have started to creep back in though and this time I really don't feel like talking therapy is what I want to do.. I told my GP this and she was happy to prescribe me medication, as I had told her my experience and lack of success with most normal anti-depressants, as well as the interrupted sleep I've been having. This medication has been great for my sleep, but has done little to improve my mental situation.

I'm starting to have more dark days which concerns me, so I guess thats why I'm here.

If this is just rambling, I do apologise..

[IsaJett]

Hi oolong

a warm welcome to you ...and yes rant you must ...this is exactly what we must do . As you rant ...you will start to realise why you feel the way you do ...well it’s a process ..know that it’s defintely ok to feel the way you are feeling . My experience was more something that happened to me ...so it was the event that triggered it ...so it kind of obvious ,

but I think it might be helpful for you if you try some meditation video which is readily available on the internet ,

i listen to Jason Stephenson ..anxiety meditation ...he’s got a lot of recordings and you can pick the one that suits u best ... he helped me tremendously when I was at my darkest moment ...so I hope u get some relief there from him ..just look him up on YouTube ,

is there any thing that you particularly like doing ...like for me I love to dance and paint and write ...so when I do these activities ,.it helps me relax .. I would suggest finding what u like ...it could be anything ...even if u just starring at the clouds ...just watch them move and get lost in the movement of the clouds ...it’s fascinating ... I hope this helps you ..

i look at clouds everywhere I go and I love it .

stay well ...but please keep ranting and let us know how you go with those tips :-]

whatever u post here’..we are all in this battle together ..and no one will judge ..we all with you and will do our best to hopefully help you feel better

stay well ...speak soon

[MsPurple]

I OolongT and welcome to the BB peer based forums. I know you are worried you have gone on a rant, but this is a place to share and be open, so I wouldn't worry about it. This is what it is for. And to give and recieve support when needed 🙂

IsaJett had some great ideas. I find meditation helpful for myself, especially around bed time when my anxious brain has a million thoughts a minute. Helps me some quite time (note took me around 10 mins a day for 7 days to notice the changes).

Well my GP and psychiatrist say that medication is a tool and can help the chemical imbalance in the brain, but it can not stop our thought process. Sometimes our thoughts and feelings about ourselves is one of the main reasons anxiety and depression can worsen. We need to address the negative thoughts in our heads to help deal and manage our depression long term. I know a lot of people don't want to hear this (I didn't) but for most people medication isn't the sole solotion, therapy and other things like self care (e.g. meditation) is also required. I suggest maybe considering seeing your psychologist again. Just see how you go. For me it takes me around 4 sessions to get anything out of it. I also feel when I am doing well I don't need to go. But for me I need to go regularly because my anxious brain just needs to talk it out and make sense of it all.

I hope this has been helpful. I know it is tough and can feel hopeless at times, but in time it gets easier